The way that Heated Rivalry was a good show but then the club scene at the end of episode 4 turned it into a GREAT show. The progression of events through the episode up to the ending with Ilya and Shane staring at each other through the camera, through *us* the viewer, as the ending of the brilliantly paced and edited scene set to All the Things She Said are actually pure cinema. If not for the way episode 4 hit, this show doesn't become a phenomenon, even with the episode 5 ending.
I hope the next season has moments where Tierney and Co. can flex their cinematic muscles in the same way.
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I trust Daniel Molloy (as an interviewer)! If he's repeatedly asking Lestat if he was a stutterer as a child, Daniel is onto something.
And everything else is a type of distraction that Lestat WANTS us to be distracted by.
In previous seasons, Danny Molloy talks about how Louis uses third person "him" or "one" when he's trying to distance himself from his actions. Danny is good at catching this stuff!
Lestat is a master of DISTRACTION. Look at the visual difference in the third season (a naked woman showering in the background of a shot, switching from documentary style to colour, time skips, so much modern slang it's almost hard to understand).
Danny repeatedly throughout the episode asks Lestat if he was a stutterer as a kid. (the repetition also kind of mimicking the act of stuttering). He's hammering him. Don't get distracted! Stay on point (both Danny and us, the viewer)!
And what happens at the end of the episode? Lestat stutters as he sees his mother; and it looks like we're going to start delving into his childhood. That's where the pain is. That's where the story is.
One thing I’ve seen happens in this fandom- and honestly sometimes in real life discussions about Hudson too- is that people end up flattening all POC experiences into one universal experience.
Race absolutely matters. Racism absolutely exists. But different racial groups are stereotyped in different ways, and those stereotypes can produce completely different social expectations.
For example, I’ve seen people criticize Rachel and Jacob for joking about Hudson being unintelligent because he’s a person of color. If Hudson were Black, I would understand that criticism more, because there is a long history of anti-Black stereotypes portraying Black people as unintelligent. But Hudson is Asian. Asian men are stereotyped in almost the opposite way. They’re often assumed to be intelligent, studious, and academically successful. The stereotype is still racist, but it’s a different stereotype. It doesn’t suddenly become an anti-Asian stereotype just because we’ve replaced “Asian” with the broader category of “POC.”
The same thing happens constantly in fanfiction with Shane.
A lot of writers portray Shane as being afraid to fight because he knows he’ll be judged more harshly than white players. I understand where that idea is coming from, but as a black person I’ve never found it particularly convincing.
If Shane were black, that analysis would make more sense to me. Black men are often stereotyped as aggressive, which means behavior that is considered acceptable from white athletes is often interpreted differently when black ones do it.
But asian men occupy a very different place in the racial imagination. They’re frequently stereotyped as passive, non-threatening, weak, nerdy, emasculated, etc. If racial stereotypes were influencing Shane’s approach to hockey, I could just as easily imagine the opposite dynamic: feeling pressure to prove he’s aggressive enough to belong. Maybe he’s fighting TOO much.
But that doesn’t make sense for Shane. He’s the league’s golden boy. He’s polite, media-friendly, and heavily inspired by Sidney Crosby. He’s a superstar. Fighting is often delegated to players lower on the depth chart whose role is specifically to provide physicality. Star players generally aren’t expected to be enforcers. Teams usually want their elite talent scoring goals, not sitting in the penalty box after dropping the gloves.
So Shane not fighting much doesn’t strike me as evidence of racial pressure. It strikes me as evidence that he’s Shane Hollander.
Crosby is a useful comparison here. For years, people mocked him for not being physical enough (and for talking to the refs too much). They questioned his toughness and masculinity. They called him “Crybaby Crosby” or “Cindy Crosby.” Fans edited photos of him in dresses or makeup. The criticism wasn’t really about hockey. The joke was that he wasn’t a “real man.”
And that’s a white player.
Imagine how much worse those conversations could become if the player in question were Asian.
That’s the kind of racial dynamic I could actually see affecting Shane, not him worrying about people thinking he’s too aggressive, but people questioning whether aggressive ENOUGH.
There’s a good chance that if Shane fought exactly like many white players, he probably still wouldn’t be viewed as tough enough. Meanwhile, if a Black player fought exactly like those same white players, he might be interpreted as more aggressive.
People often criticize Rachel for not doing much racial analysis in the books. But sometimes fandom fills that gap with racial analysis that feels disconnected from both hockey culture and the specific stereotypes that affect different racial groups.
Not every POC experience is interchangeable.
A stereotype that affects Black athletes is not automatically a stereotype that affects Asian athletes. A stereotype that affects Latino athletes is not automatically a stereotype that affects Indigenous athletes.
If we’re going to talk about race- and we should- we have to talk about the actual racial dynamics at play, not just substitute “person of color” for a more specific analysis.
Sometimes no racial analysis is better than bad racial analysis.
Another headcanon of mine: I don't think Shane was unpopular at school?? Like, he was literally a generational hockey talent. In Canada. He was the kind of young phenom where other kids' parents would go out of their way to shake his hand after games. He had a girlfriend. He was captain of his junior team. Shane is not sitting alone at the lunch table.
I can agree that internally he probably felt very isolated from his peers and maybe he had some rough times with older players who were jealous of him, but I just do not buy that Shane was ostracised at his school. People in his graduation class probably use the fact that they went to school with THE Shane Hollander as an ice breaker at parties.
I like heated rivalry don’t get me wrong but so many of the headcanons are written by people who were obviously never the hockey players’ personal punching bags in middle school so they are not coloured by the hint of deep seeded disdain I need in order to enjoy them fully
For years, queer representation in mainstream culture was driven by a political imperative. We needed to be palatable, monogamous and mortgage-ready to be tolerated. You could see this impulse in “Will & Grace,” where queerness was domesticated through friendship and slapstick, and later in “Modern Family,” where the suburban gay couple were beloved precisely because they reassured straight viewers that nothing about them was too strange, too erotic or too much. A lot of what is being produced about gay men, even now, replicates a straight world in rainbow colors.
Maybe what we ache for now is not culture built to serve a political end but a focus on the intimate — someone on top of us, breaking down in tears as he confesses his love. What is turning us on is not the thrill of naked bodies but the shock of being emotionally known. That is what some of us have been missing.
“Heated Rivalry” often focuses on the flirtations queer people recognize instantly: the charged eye contact at the opening face-off, boyfriends nudging feet under the table during a coming out, a glance across a crowded gala. The literary critic Richard Kaye has argued that flirtation has long been central to Western literature, a serious erotic mode in novels from Jane Austen to E.M. Forster. Seeing that tradition evolve onscreen between two men — not as subtext but as text — feels like a revolution.
What feels especially new is the way that flirtation becomes true intimacy. When another player in the league comes out by kissing his partner on the ice — a game changer in every sense — Shane’s phone rings. Ilya tells him he’s coming to Shane’s secluded lakeside cottage. Not for a night. Not for a postgame hookup. He’s choosing to step into Shane’s life, transforming their yearslong relationship into something with a future.
In the early 20th century, gay men gathered in a cottage in rural Maine to share stories about Walt Whitman, tracing desire across generations. The artist Marsden Hartley learned from men who had known Whitman and Peter Doyle, a former Confederate soldier who became Whitman’s partner, inheriting their memories like a family tree without blood. The impulse, to find ourselves in the historical record, carried into the 1970s, when writers in the gay magazine The Body Politic documented Hartley’s world to teach gay readers that our history was a ledger of longing.
For so long, we looked for stories that proved we were real. The archive shows that we existed; it doesn’t always show how we loved.
“Heated Rivalry” resonates because it embodies our lives. After the religious right pathologized us during the H.I.V./AIDS crisis, we reclaimed the sex story by reviving bathhouses and sex parties, by unapologetically embracing hookup culture on apps like Grindr, by celebrating eroticism in our fashion and nightlife. And slowly, we became more visible in family life and at work. There are queer politicians and lawyers, Olympians and celebrities. But representation is not the same thing as intimacy. We still need more stories about us, our relationships, our romances, our desires.
As the show has gained popularity, the cultural conversation has veered, perhaps predictably, toward straight people’s responses to the show. Articles, TikToks and morning shows have fixated on the thrill of being, say, a straight woman witnessing two men falling in love. This commentary has felt uncomfortably reminiscent of bachelorette parties in gay bars — our spaces becoming someone else’s spectacle, our bodies becoming someone else’s backdrop.
But if straight women like the show, that is fine. They should enjoy it. After all, it was adapted from a novel written by a woman. Her stated goal — to make a sweet, sexy, happy love story between two men in which, as she says, “the sexual tension and romance isn’t subtext or a tease or something that ends in tragedy” — fits what so many of us have been missing. Her willingness to write toward our joy feels rare, and so does the result: our intimacy made central, not symbolic; love scenes that are not lessons; desire that doesn’t apologize for itself.
We do not need more stories to prove that we exist. We need stories that capture how we live — in the touch, the embrace, the everyday if boring intimacies that were never meant to be translated. Our next frontier is not mere acceptance but depth.
Jim Downs, “A Sweet, Sexy, Happy Love Story Between Two Men. Revolutionary.” The New York Times, January 3, 2026. (gift link: x)
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in regard to my last reblog, i think people do not understand just how much gets outsourced when you're rich. im a domestic worker who has worked in the homes of the wealthy for about 10 years now, and i can tell you: they dont do chores. they dont cook. they dont mow their lawn. they dont walk their dogs.
the "middle-classification" of professional athletes is something thats really bothered me in hockey rpf for a while and now its in heated rivalry too. let me give you some examples of how outsourced their domestic lives are. they have:
professional chefs who come to their house and meal prep all their meals (except maybe breakfast) for the entire week. they leave instruction on how to heat them back up. shane and ilya would also have meals at the arena prepped by professional chefs and dietitians who formulate their diets based on their needs and preference
household managers who handle basically everything lmao: they hire other domestic workers, they put out holiday decorations, they do all daily chores like dishes/sweeping/cleaning the kitchen/etc, they organize the house, they do all the family's laundry (including changing sheets 2-3 times a week), they go through the pantry and get rid of expired foods.... like everything that needs to done around the house, the HM will do
a dog walker who takes the dog out several times a day (2-4 times typically) for 30 min to 1 hour long walks
housekeepers who come once a week or once every other week to deep clean the entire place
nannies, sometimes one sometimes two depending on how often the parents want to/are able to be in charge of sole childcare without help (they also have night nannies or night nurses during postpartum so they dont have to get up all the time, and postpartum doulas)
landscapers who take care of all outdoor plant needs
im probably forgetting some, but the perk of being rich is that you dont have to do anything around your house. this is all like.... extremely normal for rich people!
now single guys like ilya or shane might not have a house manager come every single day, but they definitely have one. ilya might like walking his dog, but only when its convenient for him. otherwise the dog walker is there at 8:00, 3:00 and 7:00 to take her out.
i think there could be some really fascinating things to do in fic about guys who are soo private but also there are people in and out of their house all the time. people who are financially "beneath" them and people who rely on staying on ilya and shane's good sides for their financial security. and what that means for shane and ilya's characterization! but that would mean people have to engage with professional athletes being rich and snobby and idk if people are ready for that yet
fanfic isn't an act of activism by the way. it's a fun hobby. writers write whatever they want for themselves as their silly little getaway/self-care. if you want "more representation" of something in fanfics, then you write fanfics about that thing you want. nobody is stopping you. but saying other fanfic writers as a whole are "the problem" or are "to blame" for "not including xyz" or "not writing about xyz" just isn't how fanfics and hobbies work.
i feel like this is more nuanced than “just make your own fics”. while yes, no one is owed representation in someone’s personal works, i do feel that it’s important to step back and think about why we write the things we write about.
so many people in fandom spaces are allergic to nuance when it comes to their internal biases— especially in regards to racism (which, i know the original post wasn’t explicitly about, but i feel it’s important to name).
i've mainly seen this on twitter (of course) but when someone asks “hey, isn't it strange that most fanfic is centered around white men? even in media with women and people of color?” hordes of people who feel threatened will always show up in the comments to argue that “people have preferences!!! why do i have to write about something i’m not interested in???”
take sinners for example. 99% of the cast in the movie is black. but when you look at fandom spaces, you'll see an insane amount of focus on remmick and mary—the white/white-adjacent characters. before i watched sinners, i thought mary would play a much larger role given all the talk about her.
i don't think it's wrong to enjoy remmick and mary as characters, but i just think it would be helpful for people to take a step back and ask themselves why fandom is like this.
again, you’re free to write about whatever you want. go write your remmick fics, i won’t stop you. but if you notice a trend in your behavior that leans towards always seeming to neglect black and brown characters, or lesbians, or any other marginalized group considered “less than”, maybe do some introspection on why your “silly little getaway” is segregated. 🤷🏾
I think all the "fanfiction is escapism!" people who use that phrase to defend from not including BIPOC characters in their work need to examine why their escapism involves people of color (especially Black and brown people) not being present.
It's the exact same as the gamers who complain about too many people of color in AAA games since they want it to be "their fantasy", only more insidious because it's wrapped in the "fandom freedom" discourse.
I've already seen people in the tags make this about shipping or darkfics or whatever. NOBODY is referring to those when they say "representation". Use your brain please, white tumblr user.
THANK YOU. Fanfics don't exist in a bubble/vacuum--yes, you're writing them as a personal hobby, but you're also PUBLISHING them for PUBLIC consumption...and therefore, public CRITIQUE. It's no longer YOUR private escapism world, once you invite the public inside. And if the public notices a trend where the vast majority of fandom is racist AF and that escapism = eugenics & reading material = racial homogeneity, then it's high time that we all look at the sad state of affairs and admit that one's personal preferences are often informed by societal prejudices.
Like, just look at the stats released for Ao3 fanfics every year (x x x x); there's only ONE (1) Black man whose ship even made it into Ao3's Top 100 fics in 2025. 100 ships, and only ONE has a Black man in it--and it ain't even anyone from Sinners! 💀🤦♂️
I'm in AMC's Interview with the Vampire fandom, and the anti-black racism is off the charts. Louis de Pointe du Lac is the main character, the first major Black male vampire in pop culture since Blade, and yet even in his own show's fanfics he's given the most pisspoor whitewashed "representation" ever, as the predominately cis white female fanbase struggles to even pay him the bare mimimum respect of acknowledging that he IS Black in their fics--instead, they refuse to describe his physical features (his brown skintone, curly hair texture, big nose & lips, etc), and lazily/sinisterly leave it up to the reader's interpretation to just imagine whatever character--or self insert--they want in Louis' place. It got so bad in the fandom that I finally had to create a chart demonstrating which fics in the fandom color-consciously described Louis, vs the other fics that gloss over his looks.
This is by no means a masterlist* of fics. These are just 29 Ao3 fics** where I took note of their uncommon color conscious depiction of Lou
The IWTV fandom is a lost cause IMO. They've been so infiltrated by stan/ship wars that they don't even want to engage critically with racial topics; and the biggest fan accounts actively encourage their people to just block & ignore anyone who tries to make it "The Race Show," because it's not that deep, it's not about race, etc etc. So yeah. 🙄
Early on I was kinda seeing a similar pattern in the Heated Rivalry fandom, too, wrt how little I initially saw fic writers describe Shane Hollander's physical features as an ASIAN man. It was worse in the pre-show fics, but I don't really blame the fandom for that--it's an unfortunate result of the white female author Rachel Reid barely ever addressing Shane's Asian race in the original books' source material either. And whenever she did mention his looks/race, it was to fetishize him as an downright effeminate man with long hair & small features & adorable freckles, cuz ofc Asian men can't grow beards or chest hair or hairy balls like virile WHITE manly-men like Ilya Rozanov can. 😬 Tierney's tv show adaptation is MUCH better, but that's relative cuz the bar was already in Hell, so.
Rachel eventually got called on the carpet for her mess, and finally admitted that her portrayal of Shane did him a vast disservice, not at all a good representation of Asian characters.
And then she had the nerve to double down on her nonsense by saying that Shane doesn't have any trauma & he's not smart, he just has a high hockey IQ; like, istfg if this tone deaf Klanswoman don't gtfo my face.
Like no sh!te Sherlock; your anti-Asian racism's been showing the whole time! She only made Shane Asian to check the DEI box; I'm glad she knows that WE know!
But to HR's fandom's credit, I AM seeing more ackowledgement of Shane's Asian--specifically JAPANESE--race & heritage included in fanfics. They'll emphasize that Yuna's a however-many-generations-removed immigrant who assimilated into Western/Canadian culture and how Shane was given a white name rather than an Asian name. They'll introduce Shane to Japanese-style macrobiotic diets; and highlight that yoga is a culturally appropriated Asian practice. In kid fics they'll often give Hollanov's children Japanese names and have Shane rediscover his roots by trying to learn Japanese alongside Ilya's Russian, so their kids have the full gamut of cultural education, etc. They'll go to Japan on holidays, etc. It's awesome.
It's not about making Shane's Asian heritage "his entire personality"--(ironic AF how no one says the same wrt ILYA as the walking poster boy for every Russian stereotype under the sun, but I'll leave that for white folks to argue about, my concern is with Bipoc representation)--it's about emphasizing his Asian heritage to help REMIND readers that Shane is NOT another default white character catering to the predominately white audience that prefers homogeneously white characters & cultures. It's a refreshing 180 from the ZILCH that Rachel gives him in the source material; that Tierney barely passes muster on in the tv series, but is still a step in the right direction to stop whitewashing Bipoc characters just cuz it makes the white fans more comfortable. Just like Tierney said, it would be "MONSTROUS" to default to making Bipoc characters like Shane white.
I can see a version of Shane & Ilya having their first Living Together Couple Fight about, like, the fact that Ilya always leaves his socks everywhere and just. At a certain point. Being unable to stop giggling. Because they are Shame Hollander and Ilya Rozanov, greatest hockey players of their generation, easily some of the best of all time, and they are having an argument about laundry in a way they never have about hockey.
They showed us in the CCM shoot they get giggly when things are tense or when a situation can call for seriousness (“intensity”) so why not apply this to them trying to be ‘adults’?
(Ilya and Shane smacking each other and being like you “not even funny, none of it was funny” “shut up shut up shut up I was making a point”)
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Shane Hollander wants you to drop the fucking blunt
*this is kind of a crack post btw (but also a rant)
I was reminded recently (by this comment thread) of a post I saw probably months ago, which attempted to reconcile Shane’s love for Ilya and existential hunger for competition with his apparently unflinching suggestion that his only rival torpedo his career with a move to a bottom ranking team. Because irrespective of Ilya’s own agency in this, the sticking point for me and many other fans is that he at no point verbalises an ounce of concern for what the Ottawa plan would mean for either of them.
Now, if you’re familiar with my HR rants, you know roughly how much respect I afford to Watsonian “explanations” within the GC series as well as my frustration with the romance genre in general; but honestly that just kind of makes the speculation more fun, and I found this one particularly amusing.
This post (and if anyone has the link pls send) essentially argues that rather than a contrived moment of inexplicable myopia on Shane’s part, this was instead the product of his near idolatry of Ilya and his abilities as both player and captain. They pointed out that Ilya had managed to lead Boston to the Cup w/i 3 years from a similar position in their own rebuild cycle, and in fact had done so even before Shane had with Montreal. That Shane fully believed that Ilya could do the same for Ottawa. And further, given that he does indeed manage to lead them to the playoffs within that same timeframe, that perhaps his faith was justified.
Obviously, this is hc only as none of this is ever spelled out in the text, and as RR tends towards blunt exposition over subtle characterisation of this type, I am disinclined to consider this canon to the books at least. It also reads as rather dismissive of the mental health crises we see both boys suffer over these years, but that’s a separate issue.
What I want to talk about and what I find most interesting about this hc is, if we integrate it into our reading of TLG, what this says about the growing thread of resentment around this exact point in the book. (And what that says about RR’s conception of these characters and their romance)
I want to talk about the block party fight
Spoilers below
Now, I think it’s fair to say that neither of them comes off particularly well in this altercation. It’s clear here that Shane is genuinely confused by the (to him, bc Ilya has been very consciously hiding the extent and turn of his mental health struggles the entire book) sudden outburst of resentment, but it feels disingenuous at best to suggest that there was not a very clear agenda here wrt to reader perception. For reference, this is Shane’s reaction to this at the start of the next chapter:
I have seen the take that Shane’s self-criticism in this moment is exaggerated by his upset and general anxiety, and that we as readers should be sympathetic to this rather than take it at face value. Because obviously it’s not even really true, right? We can’t possibly be expected to just ignore how alone and genuinely miserable Shane has also been this entire book, right?? Well, I do think that’s absolutely fair to say and certainly works as a jump off point for fic or headcanon. But I have to admit I struggle to extend that much grace to RR’s own character work given, in particular, this conversation b/w Ilya and his therapist:
And the, forgive me, genuinely appalling bit of dialogue highlighted in that fight. “Sorry I still want to win Cups instead of smoking weed with my teammates between losses” EXCUSE ME??? But this is not the first time we get Shane’s thoughts turn this way. This one’s a classic:
That’s chapter 7 btw. This plus Ilya’s own repressed resentments have been an unspoken but slow burning point of tension the entire book. Here’s another early example.
Chapter 8 Ilya
This is what I mean when I talk about the framing of TLG Hollanov as bizarrely antagonistic and encouraging of the consequent tendency w/i this fandom to adopt a reductive villain/victim view of these characters. Because while ofc the tension between them as they settle into their romance should be expected to include miscommunication, hidden resentments, etc. w/i the framework of this particular narrative and are perhaps even necessitated by the catalyst of this book conflict, i.e., Ilya’s move to Ottawa, the problem is that, in her own words, this is Shane’s hero arc (against a conflict that is focused inwards). It is Shane that has to learn and grow and eventually reconcile his fear and career with his love for Ilya and his own self actualisation. Which, yes, ofc makes it all the more frustrating how shallowly that arc is handled at points. Ilya, despite being the emotional core of the story (and obvs yes has an ‘arc’ of his own, though it asks him to do very little internal work to change his circumstances until his inspirational locker room speech. He’s in therapy, yes, but we’re still v much in the ‘tell me what brings you here’ stage vs ‘let’s challenge these unhealthy thought patterns’ and if anything these sessions as well as the general trajectory of the narrative reinforce the latter), is the plot device if anything—or more specifically his depression is. He’s Shane’s incentive to change the same way Shane was for him in HR. And honestly, while it’s not my personal preference, as a product of its genre, it’s not in concept or intention an outlier. The problem, at least in my view, is more so one of effect and a general reluctance to dig into the conflict or angst it incites at any great depth or in consideration of their full scope in ways that may significantly impact the plot or thematic development. Authentically, if not realistically.
What gets me is how clear it is that she is fully cognisant of how royally this whole plan sucks for both of our boys and the strain its putting on their mental health, careers, and relationship, and yet neither she nor her characters ever *truly* contend with the obvious question was this the right move? We get this fleeting moment of bittersweetness near immediately denied, and a thrum of resentment lurking in the corner for most of the book, but this fight is the closest we get to asking that question and, crucially, the answer remains the same. That last line there, that’s the end game. This is chapter 8, this plan is about to put them both through the torment nexus for no fucking reason that she’s bothered to actually justify in-text, and this is still the endgame. Except worse, because not only does she double down, she escalates the timeline by having Ilya issue the hypothetical ultimatum he himself had rejected a handful of chapters ago.
That’s right, you shouldn’t, baby. But are we going to tackle why you may be forced to? Are we going to challenge those toxic queerphobic patriarchal structures that are putting this pressure on you even if we ultimately can’t dismantle systemic oppression through a single romance novel? Will we at least attempt to deconstruct this absurd homonormative trope of coming out as some kind of political victory even as it demands we sacrifice any stake we have in these institutions bc being Out and in Love in suburbia, thereby quietly and acceptably participating in majority society in a manner that requires zero critical engagement with that society, is the only HEA we’re allowed to root for?
Haha. Nope.
“You wouldn’t even choose me, would you? If it were me or hockey.”
I. want. to. s c r e a m
So, to return to this headcanon, the logic is essentially this: Shane has so much faith in Ilya’s ability to turn that team around that the only reason he can conceive of to explain the Centaurs’ continued losing streak is that Ilya has given up in favour of smoking pot. Ilya is confident but not actually delusional and instead agreed to this because he’s codependent in love and has been conditioned to the kind of caretaking that demands total sacrifice (this fic is a good rep of that), but becomes increasingly frustrated by Shane’s quiet judgment. They’re speedrunning a mental breakdown in tandem doomed to psychosis or suicide. And hilariously I think it may be the most convincing explanation I’ve yet encountered.
enough of the sappy HEA headcanons post-outing. I need shane filing for divorce three years into a doomed marriage because sexual chemistry can only take them so far when they’ve never actually worked out any of their underlying issues
@miscelium omg my jaw just dropped this is SO INSPIRED!!!!! I’d been thinking about the messiness and embarrassment of a big public divorce after a big public outing but the post-breakup fake relationship possibilities are EVERYTHING TO ME
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