An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher)
Characters: Aiden (The Witcher), Lambert (The Witcher)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Romantic Fluff, Established Relationship, Marriage Proposal, Lambert is a dumbarse when drunk but that's why we love him, he can't keep a secret to save his life
Summary:
Aiden had planned to join Lambert and his brothers for a night out, but work interfered. So when Lambert returns home, only one of them is sober enough to remember what was said.
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Can everyone who makes video content do a Deaf bitch a favor? Watch your shit with the captions on and the sound off, and then do another round of editing to fix things including but not limited to:
Captions cover the spot on the screen you put the information I need
The dialogue is captioned but not the song you have playing that the dialogue is responding to
You only captioned the person on the screen, not the person off screen who is also talking
No captioning of critical sound effects (alarms, bells, dogs barking, etc)
Speakers are not labelled at moments where it is not clear on the screen who is talking.
Captions cover the spot on the screen that you put the information I need!
Other d/Deaf people welcome to add.
This post brought to you by the fifth video tutorial I could not follow because the bad, auto-generated captions covered what I was trying to watch today.
Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
So, the realtor apologized for this house. Wrote on top of the description: "Unapologetically Pink." It's a lovely, colorful home in Melbourne, Australia. 2bds, 1ba, Auction $1,150,000 - $1,250,000 / $791,659.90 - $896,875.14 approx. USD. It's small and pricey, but I really like it.
He also calls it "Barbiesque," but I think it's attractive. But, then the description gets very complimentary, which it deserves.
The main living area is open.
It's lovely to see color, and they made the most of a long floorplan.
Look at the colorful tiles and countertops.
This is nice. Not overly done.
Neutral tile if the new owner wants to do earth tones.
Cheery primary bedroom.
Nicely compact shower room.
Adorable nursery or child's room.
Side-by-side photos of the 2 matching rooms.
Cute hallway looks a little Parisian. According to the floorplan, this hall is the front entrance, with the bedrooms off to the sides and the main living area straight ahead.
Tile kittay room? According to the floorplan, it's a small courtyard.
A nice laundry room and toilet room.
In the back, there's a small, very private courtyard.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
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he didn't play it as ilya deliberately not answering the question and instead just as ilya who was pleased by shane caring enough to ask it and thus pulling him into a cuddle without answering because his only thought was, "oh, he cares enough to ask about my family"
makes me laugh imagining it being an ongoing thing between them in the early days of shane asking a personal question in passing and ilya being so pleased by the curiosity that he doesn't always. actually remember. to answer.
which means shane has a google search history that sometimes looks like
russia asking about family rude
don't ask about family russia
rude to talk about family in russia
rules for conversation russia family personal
becAUSE ILYA DOESN'T SEEM MAD?? BUT ALSO HE JUST??? LEFT HIM ON READ?? BUT IN A REAL LIVE CONVERSATION??? WHAT THE FUCK???
finally shane settles into their relationship enough to be like *deep breath* "can we talk about something that i think might be hard?"
and ilya is just *internally sweating because oh god this sounds so fucking serious and-* "yes, of course"
"okay" *deep breath that just makes ilya even more tense in preparation for the worst case scenario of shane breaking this off or delivering other bad news* "why do you sometimes just not answer when i ask you questions?"
shane, whose question about what ilya's favorite childhood cookie was got him folded like a pretzel and fucked to within an inch of his life and then cuddled close like a giant teddy bear while ilya kisses his face like he's something precious-
(in case anyone needs context, since i know there's a bunch of younguns who didn't even know the "It's gonna be May" meme... The song playing is NSync's song "It's Gonna Be Me", the guy in the mint green t-shirt is NSync member Lance Bass, and the guy in the pink hoodie is his husband Michael.)
Sir, your spleen a- should not be this large, b- should be that far down your body, and c- why the fuck is your spleen on the right side of your body why is it there it doesn't belong there put it back
Your spleen, your spleen, your spleen, your spleen
Oh, I'm begging of you please don't be that size
your spleen, your spleen, your spleen, your spleen
Please don't be over on the right side
The size it is beyond compare
It shouldn't be way over there
Put it back right now, oh god, your spleen
The vets have never seen its like
you truly gave them quite the fright
We don't know what do with it, your spleen
Your guts aren't mirrored there it's true
But we also haven't got a clue
Why it's hanging with your bladder, oh, your spleen
Did you torse it 'round somehow?
Is cancer forming there right now?
What you have done's a mystery, your spleen, your spleen
Your spleen, your spleen, your spleen, your spleen
Oh, I'm begging of you please don't be that size
your spleen, your spleen, your spleen, your spleen
Please don't be over on the right side
We've asked the radiologist
to see if there's something we missed
We need to know so much about your spleen
Why is your body built this way
It's going to haunt me night and day
'Cause it's the only one I've seen, your spleen, your spleen
Your spleen, your spleen, your spleen, your spleen
Oh, I'm begging of you please don't be that size
your spleen, your spleen, your spleen, your spleen
Please don't be over on the right side
your spleen, your spleen
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Hate when I type in the first letter of my email and the text box immediately goes ❌🚫INCORRECT! FILL IN A COMPLETE EMAIL ADRESS!🚫❌ I’m still working on it!! Chill out!!
