Formerly delirieuse. He/him. 40-something disabled queer. Also jackironsides on AO3. I have a ko-fi (sindesiecle) that you can donate to instead of telling me my identity is a slur.
Hello! Welcome to my pinned post. I update this as I go, so if you’re seeing it on a reblog, you might find extra fic links in the one on my blog.
FYI, I write a lot of comments and jokes in the tags. I love it when people enjoy them enough to include them in the reblogs (like I cannot express how much), but I’d prefer if you could attach my username to it, whether it’s just adding (via @jackironsides) or whatever. It’s clear to anyone seeing it on your blog, but I’ve seen my tags circulating unattributed on posts that have like six more reblogs after them often enough, and it makes me sad. I toiled hard in the joke mines for those, dammit.
If you’re interested in my fic, the tag is, obscurely enough, #my fic. Also my AO3 is jackironsides. Below the cut at the bottom of this post is the current list of my main WIPs that are being posted here, which are (mostly) not yet on AO3. They’re all Geraskier Witcher fics.
I have chronic pain, chronic fatigue, ADHD and histamine issues, and sometimes I talk about this.
Tags to blacklist
If you have any kind of issues with disordered eating, or you find it upsetting, you might want to blacklist the tag #disordered eating, because that’s what I talk about my difficulties with food sometimes, such as the bad days when making food is hard bc of my chronic fatigue, or ADHD, or both. Or the ways I’ve had to heavily restrict my diet for chronic illness reasons.
I have a tag called #bitch session, which is for when I’m grumpy and probably being petty, or just want to complain about how Hard things are in that moment. Feel free to block it.
Below the cut is my list of WIPs (with links!) and meta. x
WIPs
For Flowers May Fly If They Wish (part two): the semi-platonic sex pollen fic. The rest coming soon! It needs editing.
I Need No One (parts two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven): Sequel to We’re Not Friends. Geralt’s perspective on his friendship with Jaskier.
Don’t Let Me In With No Intention to Keep Me (part two, part three, final): sequel to Honey, That’s How It Sleeps. Geralt takes Jaskier to Kaer Morhen, where the wolf witchers spend the winters nesting. Geralt is definitely not having any urges about wanting to drag Jaskier into his pile of soft things.
To Become the Water’s Foam (MerMay fic. chapters one part 2, two, three, four, five, six, seven): Geralt gets sent into a bubble of magic where he finds Jaskier as a merman who seems to already know a different version of him. Also now on AO3.
Don’t You Know You Can’t Go Home Again (part two, part three): Jaskier has a large, happy family; fake dating
A Scientific Treatise on Witchering (contents page here with the first part of chapter three coming; the first two chapters archived on AO3 here): After the Mountain, Jaskier gets drawn into monster hunting against his will
Cuckoo (parts two, three, four, five, six): Jaskier gets forcibly taken home to Lettenhove. Geralt follows to find out what Jaskier has been keeping secret.
Afterword (part two, part three, part four, part five): The third fourth part in the series of the Kaer Morhen Book Club, where Jaskier has secretly been writing romance novels about witchers. Part two is an interlude focusing on Lambert called Starcrossed.
Ball Games (part two, part three): The one where Jaskier takes Essi’s place at a ball. Complete with dress.
The Narnia fic (part two): crossover AU. Ciri has just found herself in a mysterious other world, and meets a blue-eyed faun.
WIPs on a bit of a hiatus right now:
The True Art of Swordsmanship (parts two, three, four): Geralt tries to teach Jaskier to fight; both attempt not to self-combust from suppressed desire
Folkie Jaskier (parts two, three, four): Modern-day AU where Oxford PhD student Jaskier decides to run off after a witcher to avoid completing his D.Phil in early music.
Outswing: Modern-day AU where Geralt is a ballet dancer, Jaskier is a cricketer, and they go on Dancing With the Stars.
Park Ranger Geralt (part two): AU. Geralt has to show Jaskier, a TV presenter, around the national park where he works
This is last year’s post running down many of my WIPs and giving little blurbs of them. Some of these haven’t been posted yet, but I often still talk about the progress I’m making in my #liveblogging my fic because reasons tag. This is this year’s WIP list, which also includes some excerpts of stuff I’m working on.
You can find my finished stories up on AO3 (same username as here), although these are some little ficlets that aren’t up there:
A Victorian circus AU (which will hopefully turn into a full fic at some point)
Geralt’s Companion
Unmanned
Lacquered
Jaskier’s lute case
‘That’s not your name.’
Jaskier went to seminary school
Seminary school sequel, where Jaskier gets into trouble with the Eternal Flame
The one where Jaskier is the Abhorsen (probably going to turn into a full fic at some stage)
‘Make me three more shirts,’ he says, ‘just like this one.’
The dragon ships it.
‘I was under a curse at the time and was unable to consent to any contract.’
What if the Drones Club were a gay gentlemen’s club like the Hundred Guineas? (Jeeves & Wooster)
‘I thought that witchers didn’t have dæmons.’
A Victorian AU for The Witcher where Dandelion becomes an Aesthete (which I am absolutely going to have to turn into a full fic once my WIP list is shorter)
I also have a fic-only blog now, at @jackironsidesfic, which would be the easiest way of keeping up with fic updates.
I’ve written a bunch of meta, mostly for The Witcher. It can be found at #my meta, and I’ve got a #my fic meta tag for meta about stuff I’ve written. There’s also #how to write a bard for me exploring things that people might not know about music/musicians etc. These are some of the meta I’m proudest of:
The Sad Silk Trader
Geralt is a Moral Person
Steve Rogers v. Yennefer of Vengerburg: Disability Rep and Erasure v. Fantasy
Just Call It A Shirt (It’s Historically Accurate, I Promise)
Doublets Don’t Have Laces Please God Stop Saying They Do (okay, this is less one I’m ‘proud’ of than one about something which gets under my skin)
(Netflix) Jaskier might be a tenor, but Joey is a baritone
I have chronic pain, chronic fatigue, ADHD and histamine issues, and sometimes I talk about this.
Tags to blacklist
If you have any kind of issues with disordered eating, or you find it upsetting, you might want to blacklist the tag #disordered eating, because that’s what I talk about my difficulties with food sometimes, such as the bad days when making food is hard bc of my chronic fatigue, or ADHD, or both. Or the ways I’ve had to heavily restrict my diet for chronic illness reasons.
I have a tag called #bitch session, which is for when I’m grumpy and probably being petty, or just want to complain about how Hard things are in that moment. Feel free to block it.
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one of the funniest conversations I ever had with my ex was when they were still getting used to Celsius and asked me "what's 20 degrees?" and instead of converting it, I said "it's the highest your dad will ever let you set the thermostat and when you say you're cold he tells you to put on another sweater, we're not made of money" and they went "oh, 68"
the fact that this reference was that fucking precise was something they went on to tell people about for years.
I go so fucking crazy for how geralt talks to children. The way he kneels and crouches and makes himself small. The way he gentles and softens his voice. The way he asks questions in targeted ways to guide distractible kids toward actually answering him.
The way he ANSWERS kids' questions in direct and gentle ways - tries not to outright lie, is honest about his intentions and what he's trying to do, but doesn't try to sow false hope or lie for the sake of sparing their feelings
He likes kids!!!!! He gives them so much slack compared to adults!!!! They remind him of Ciri and he loves his daughter but even the kids that are nothing like her, he just likes them and he likes to make life better for them when he can 😭
Something that I get chills about is the fact that the oldest story told made by the oldest civilization opens with "In those days, in those distant days, in those ancient nights."
This confirms that there is a civilization older than the Sumerians that we have yet to find
Some people get existential dread from this
Me? I think it's fucking awesome it shows just how much of this world we have yet to discover and that is just fascinating
@makaeru peer review cos this made me check when the Sumerians happened and I forget how recent history is for every other continent. 7000 - 8000 years ago just isn't that long when you're in Australia, and the amount of detailed history we have access to here is wonderful and should be recognised more internationally
Source (non Aboriginal)
And a quote I picked out from a longer interview with an Aboriginal local elder about the area where he touched on the history
Source (the rest of the interview is really interesting and all transcribed, have a look if you're curious)
This is part of my Ancient Civilizations class that I teach, which does a whole week about Australia and the Torres Strait Islands because I was sick of never seeing them represented in USAmerican history contexts. With the help of @micewithknives and @acearchaeologist I've learned so many incredible things about Australia's past and it's been incredibly rewarding to share them with students.
My favorite fact about Aboriginal oral history is the fact that we pretty recently discovered that the Aboriginal myth of the 7 Sisters, an origin story for the Pleiades star cluster, accurately reflects a point TEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO when two stars in the constellation got close enough together to no longer be distinguishable by the naked eye.
The story? 6 sisters running from something that took their 7th sister.
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thinking about "ilya fell for shane when he saw shane fold his clothes at the first hookup" as a concept and it's. really sweet actually
ilya, all of 18 years old, is a thrillseeker who is already habitually picking up women, already living so fast that the clubs and parties and people and bodies are blending together in his memory. there's a monotony developing there and he's itching to raise the stakes: to take bigger risks, claim bigger rewards. and what could be a bigger risk than hooking up with his golden-boy hockey rival? it would take effort, but the high he'd get from pulling this off just once (and of course it would only be once) would be unlike anything else.
so he puts in the effort. the leadup to his hookup with hollander is entirely off-script for him, a deviation from the patterns and routines he's developed around sex. he premeditates it, he thinks about how good it will feel if this works, fantasizes about what might happen, and plans the joint CCM shoot. the day arrives and he feels electric, takes a real risk in the showers, feels the rush of his risk paying off when hollander says "not here" instead of "no" and, later, offers his room number.
ilya shows up at room 1410 and immediately launches into seduction: this part is more on-script, more familiar to ilya, but still heightened because it's hollander, and heightened again when he confirms it's hollander's first time with a man, and again because it turns out hollander is starving for this, devouring ilya with his eyes and his hands, all intense and urgent and wanting. it's so heady. everything up to this point has already been enough to make this night live in ilya's memory forever. they move to the bed, he tells hollander to take his clothes off and he does -
and he takes the time to fold his clothes. in the middle of a hookup. what?
i love the laugh that connor storrie does in the show at that moment. just, his whole face lit up. ilya isn't bemused, he's not making fun of hollander for doing this. he's genuinely delighted.
because this. this is something that he's never seen before. it surprises him. he is hooking up with shane hollander and this is a uniquely shane hollander thing to do and it burns into his brain. its personal and intimate, it's terribly endearing. he already knows he will remember this moment specifically, will return to it when he thinks about this night in the future, like a bookmark placed in a well-loved book.
he had hoped to walk away from this experience feeling exhilarated and satisfied that he pulled off a hookup with the most dangerous person he could think of. he did not expect to walk away from this with a warm, fond memory of shane hollander - not just his hockey rival in that moment, but a real, knowable man who surprised him in a way that he liked.
i think the next time ilya has sex with someone and she carelessly drops her clothes on the floor, he thinks about hollander. thinks about how he would have never thought that was careless, before. maybe he smiles a little to himself and catches it, has to shake the memory off, feels a little bad for losing focus on the woman he's with. tells himself it won't happen again. but of course that's not how it works, and the memory only digs deeper into him. it happens again the next time, and the time after that.
he's not in control of when the memory comes to him and he ends up thinking about it more and more, thinking about shane more and more. and attention is the beginning of devotion. it's not love yet, but it's something like a crush, and it's more than he's thought about anyone in this way before. it's a crack in the persona he's been building, in his protective armor that keeps people away and keeps his heart safe. it's a step off an invisible cliff. it's inevitable that he falls after that.
its kind of distressing how you can tell a lot of people see popular indie artists and writers and such as like "a Celebrity but one which i stand a half decent chance of bullying to death"
The Martian of course was part of the small but notable genre of movies 'people expend huge amounts of effort to rescue Matt Damon'. In Project Hail Mary we see a foundational entry in the inverse genre 'people expend huge amounts of effort to send Ryan Gosling away forever'. Excited to see where we send Ryan Gosling next.
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I think that one of the most frustrating things about algospeak, after the "compliance in advance" self-censorship, is that there is no actual evidence-based justification for it. Everyone who uses it does so because they heard from a guy who heard from a guy that The Algorithm will bury their content if they don't use cutesy euphemisms.
I think one of the greatest joys of fandom is being able to look back on a certain media or a ship or a trope or event or something of that nature, and being able to remember like "oh yeah! that was how I became friends with [x]!" "that was when that friend and I watched that show and stayed up until 2 am to do it!" and when those friendships bleed back over to real life too, like "oh I tried that food bc x says they like it!" and "that's x's favorite animal!" and all these sorts of things that happened because we happened to meet just like, in the great vastness of 1) human existence and 2) the ephemerality of fandom existence.
The way that certain things become suffused with that friendship and the like joy that really is. What an uncommon occurrence. What a lovely thing it is. What an honor. What a privilege.
Thinking of this one again. I love you - all the fandom friends I still talk to, and all the ones that've become lost to the vicissitudes of time -
I still have the baby blanket I made your son, it's embroidered with his name on the front, but it never made it to the mail, he must be nearly ten years old now, I remember when you mentored me about that one life skill, thanks for letting me talk to you when you were busy, do you remember when I was telling you about my family, what about the time you and I voice called over dinner, or when I told you to try rambutans and jujubes, I still have the pencil holder you sent me seven years ago, but of course I ate the chocolate, the last time we talked you didn't seem so good, you were worried about your health, I haven't been back there in years, I hope you're well -
And for all my memories of you: what an honor. what an uncommon privilege.
being an everything crafter is great but also sucks. like i want to get my watercolors out but i need to put away my microcrochet first. i want to do some leatherwork but my oil paints are on the table. i want to whittle but i'm using the bucket i catch wood shavings in to hold my papermaking mush. i want to write my book but my hands are too busy knitting a sweater. i want to code another video game but i'm too busy studying nalebinding. do you see my problem. the problem is that i need more hands
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hi yeah i know ive been on this medication for 8 years but i need-- yeah. yeah 3 more months please. I'll call you in 3 months to beg for 3 more months, thanks. Bye. Love you.
I've been meaning to make a post talking about my stroke because y'all got bits and pieces of the recovery but I never actually told the story of HOW it went down and the thing is the type of stroke I had is usually the type young people have and since having mine i've now heard multiple stories of people under 40 having very similar strokes and the scary thing is, is that they didn't get help right away. Because you're young and healthy and sure you feel weird but it'll pass right? but it doesn't, and it gets worse, and by the time you get to the hospital (some people literally take days to go) the deficits are worse and recovery is harder.
so here's a super long post about strokes in general, and mine in particular/what I went through.
So for strokes the signs are abbreviated BE FAST. Balance loss, Eyesight changes, Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, -> Time to call 911.
Had I known those MAYBE I would have figured it out but my symptoms were a little mixed. I was reading (fanfic!) in bed because it was a sunday morning and i had nothing pressing to do and suddenly got dizzy. I put my laptop aside because my eyes were blurring (Eyesight changes - symptom #1), and laid down, thinking it would pass, it didn't, it's a little vague how it progressed because I'd been having headaches and neckpain for about 3 weeks leading up to it so I was like 'idk is this a migraine?' (headaches can be a stroke symptom so symptom #2) but i got nauseous and eventually got up and to my utmost surprise I immediately fell over as if I was the drunkest of frat bros. The room literally spun before my eyes as I fell to the floor (Balance loss - symptom #3). I have had some Nights and I had never been that unsteady before. I crawled my way to the bathroom, threw up (nausea - not a common stroke symptom) , took 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed.
if you know anything about ibuprofen you might know it's a mild blood thinner and that's a high dose. I may have inadvertently helped myself with that one. I was just feeling like shit and thinking 'idk this might help'
At this point I still thought we were still in Normal Land. Sure, it was a weird morning, but Surely There Was A Reason. (Yes There Was) Anyway, as I'm lying there willing my body to stop suffering I realize my arm is going numb (stroke symptom #4) and I switch positions, because weird, but it doesn't go away, and I gave it a good little while. I'm on a medication that can make my limbs tingle but it usually just does it to my fingers and it dissipates quickly but this wasn't dissipating, and then I realized one of my legs was also going numb. Then one side of my face is going numb.
(at the time I did not look in the mirror but I had a drooping eyelid - symptom #5)
Those all seem bad. I grab my computer and google 'when to go to the hospital for dizzyness' as that felt like the worst of my problems. and indeed the list I found highlighted that if you are also experiencing loss of balance, blurred vision, nausea, and limb numbness, you should see a doctor. That seems like far too many symptoms to be having all to be listed. I grab my phone (thankfully plugged in and by my bed), and start layering on more clothing because it's about 10 degrees out and i'm in a pajama dress. The very nice man at 911 talks with me and sends an ambulance, I tell him I don't think I can get out the front door of my building on my own and he asks if I can get to MY apartment door to which I say yes and he assures me that's fine they will have keys to my building.
(I have been since informed they love to chop down doors but no, I could get that far)
I wait by my door laying down on the ground and they arrive pretty quickly. They see to me in the hallway, which is more of a lobby in my building and the only place with room for me to lie down (I cannot stand unassisted at this point) they ask me a bunch of questions, take vitals, and ask me where I would like to be taken. Me, having never had to go to the fucking hospital in an emergency before, simply go 'wherever is close' because I again, I am having a stroke and do not have the wherewithal to think through these things.
A big firefighter helps me down the stairs (it's only a half flight and I still almost did not make it) and we get underway.
At the hospital they wheel me into triage and I mostly lie there gratefully and answer some questions and respond to some tests (grip strength, following a pen with my eyes, that sort of thing) and then I hear what is great when you've been at urgent care for two hours but what is Very Bad when you just arrived in an ambulance and that's 'She's next'. I jumped the line for a CT scan and an MRI. I was there less than ten minutes before I was actively being scanned. honestly closer to five.
my active symptoms seem to have been worse than some of the stories I've heard, not being able to walk AT ALL in particular, although some other are pretty equal (Footless Jo on youtube had a stroke around the same time I did of the same type and has discussed hers, she delayed going in despite the severity for a variety of reasons and it sounds like her recovery has been difficult) My recovery was pretty easy because i was actively being cared for and on blood thinners right away. I was pretty out of it in the beginning, but I was only in the hospital for 6 days and then in a rehab for another 4 to relearn how to walk and balance, then i was released unto the world and just spent time going to physical therapy and recovering for awhile. I was out of work for about 8 weeks total. I basically had the best outcome for a stroke. I recovered almost fully back to 100% (I'm about 2% less sure footed than I used to be, but it's rarely noticeable), my face still feels a little weird but has markedly improved so I live in hope it will eventually get back to normal. It massively sucked. But strokes can fuck you up for life and I came out a weird medical story to tell and have to take some extra medication now/precautions to take (i cannot do certain types of yoga, no weightlifting, no push ups, no going on rollercoasters.... things that could strain my neck essentially) but overall I escaped very lucky.
