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@themightiestacorn

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christopher nolan should make the odyssey but it's me going to the fridge for an orange and coming back to my room and wondering if my bed is the same (the bed is penelope)
being high as shit (and i mean Time High) is the closest we may ever come to time travel
nothing is real and then all of a sudden everything is very real with no warning
does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person
wow

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Doechii "Denial Is A River" posters inspired by The Sims 2 Advertisements
Los Angeles, 2005 [x]
the mark of a real actor is if they did theater before they hit it big and continue doing theater after. if they didn’t do theater before, then they are hacks and if they stop doing theater after, then they are dilettantes who lucked out. obviously this applies to all actors ever and there are no exceptions.
daniel radcliffe and barbra striesand kind of being like the jesus and satan exceptions to this
just had a dystopian vision of a future where everyone's so poor the next trend becomes "micromeals" which "really help me make it through my day" and corporations start selling tiny portions for full price and calling them micromeals
It's not full price, thank god, but Del Taco already did this.
OCD? Yeah she O when she C my D

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My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved
Project Hail Mary (2026) dir. Phil Lord & Chris Miller
I spread pro glasses propaganda. Glasses are hot. Glasses are cool. Glasses will help you see boobs.
Fuck it I'm gonna say it. "I'm gonna tell my friends to all go to hell, and wish my enemies well. Bleed out, I'm gonna bleed out" might be top 10 Mountain Goats lyrics ever. Bleed Out is a song absolutely full of brilliant lyrics for the subject matter of a guy who has just been shot and knows for sure he is going to die and has just a couple final seconds to come to terms with it. This lyric in particular though is just perfect. The song feels like attempt after attempt to get the ideal lyric in that form and it finally does it right near the end with this. Throughout the whole track he is just making sense of it, accepting it and doing whatever he can to be okay with it, but right at the end, right as he knows his death is hear for him, his final words are essentially "fuck you all. Fuck you all for everything. I'm a good person and I regret what I did" and there's something so beautifully human about that
boiled caterpillars!

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I do think that Shane gets a Russian language tutor. He sees that Ilya is always having to think, speak, and translate in his second language. And he knows that Ilya is fluent by this point, but if he's serious about forever with Ilya (which he is) he wants Ilya to be able to communicate with his boyfriend in his native language. He also saw how much his grandparents struggled with learning English as adults and how much more expressive and talkative they were when they spoke Japanese at home together.
So he gets a tutor. He meticulously researches her (she's from Moscow, so he'll learn from someone with Ilya's same accent). She's signed to more NDAs than he can count. She has 10 years of experience, she's certified to teach English and Russian, and she has 4.8 stars on MyTutor.
Shane pays her a frankly concerning amount of money to make house calls. Twice weekly, unless he's on the road, she arrives at his apartment to teach him foundational Russian. She gives him workbooks, Russia cartoon recommendation, podcasts for beginners, etc. He tells her he's learning because his boyfriend is Russian and she outlines a course that focuses on domestic language first (as opposed to travel or business). She even teaches him what she calls a 'culture course' with lessons on Russian music, food, and various traditions.
She's only a few years older than Shane and he actually finds himself looking forward to her visits. At this point, she's the only person other than his parents that knows he has a boyfriend.
About 4 months in, Shane finally feels comfortable enough to ask about what he'd been very excited about learning.
"You want me to teach you how to talk dirty to your boyfriend?" Ekaterina raised an eyebrow.
"Um," Shane blushed. Was this a little too far? Was this inappropriate to ask of a tutor? "Yes? If - If that's okay, I mean."
A slow smirk spread over her face. "This will be fun. Fun for me, now. Fun for you, later."
"I made a list," Shane admitted. He wasn't going to back out now, he put a lot of thought into his list. He turned to it in his Russian notebook and handed it to her.
She scanned over it indifferently. "You will use all this in one night?"
"Yeah, probably. Is it too much?"
"It is good you have a Russian man," Ekaterina said. "They have good stamina. Mostly, anyway."
And while it was a little embarrassing for Ekaterina to correct his pronunciation of please let me suck your cock, it helped that she seemed just as comfortable with that as there is tea on the stove.
Though, maybe he shouldn't have learned those phrases at the same time, because Ilya will never, for as long as they live, allow him to forget asking, while down on his knees and with excellent pronunciation, please let me suck your tea.
I was absolutely waiting for the miscommunication in which someone (probably Hayden, lbr) thinks Ekaterina is providing a different kind of at-home service and gets into their feels about sex work. Cue feelings:
Hayden: *disappointed*
Shane: *horrified*
Ekaterina: *amused*
Ilya: *too delighted about Shane's new vocabulary to give a shit*
Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.
He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"
"What?"
He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"
"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."
Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.
Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.