your local hamlet obsessed vampire

if you've ever pet more than a few dogs you'd Know what dog residue is

has anyone considered that it was probably her house too. where else was she supposed to put her chintz?

you’re eric bogosian you’re like 70something and you think your days of being a big dick bisexual are over and then you sign on to play a character on some vampire show and within three years you’re posting oldguy thirst traps that make assad zaman foam at the mouth in your instagram comments

tv show like grey's anatomy except they're veterinarians. all the soap opera drama but there's creatures all over the place. "is that a gerbil on your scrubs or are you just excited to see me" but it's actually the gerbil, he's a patient and we can't be having sex right now.

the characters still wax poetic via voiceover about how the surgery of the day is just like their own tumultuous personal lives but the surgery in question is like. neutering a bunch of kittens.

which is of course exactly like Dr. Riverbeans trying to decide if he wants to be a father. it's such a huge decision, and he just doesn't know what to do! if only someone had made the decision for him by gently anesthetizing him as a child and fucking. cutting his balls off.

little does he know that his girlfriend, hot livestock veterinarian Dr. Josta, is about to get kicked in the head by a horse patient so hard that she's in a coma for months because the actress needs time away to film a supporting role in the new live action polly pocket movie

meanwhile veterinary assistant Hermione (no relation to the wizard character) is desperately trying to hide the fact that her current love interest is a man who practices and unironically believes in "pet reiki" because her coworkers would never let her live it down

I want big drama for the humans but I don't want to get super emo with the animals, so this takes place in the most successful veterinary practice and no animals ever actually die during the episodes. we can get silly with it. Dr. Spud has a case with a great dane who swallowed a lit stick of dynamite and we see them later looking like a looney toon post-explosion grinning ear to ear and letting us know the dog was fine

Official Post of Massachusetts

People are unfazed if you hate women but if you dislike dogs they assume you're a bad person

And why shouldn't I call my brother a motherfucker, father dear? Perhaps he is acting like a motherfucker!

There are only so many times a 17 year old can turn the lights off on you while you're reading before he stops being annoying and starts being an asshole motherfucker and he fully passed it the first time because he'd already put both my claw clips on the light where I couldn't reach them

Being back home makes me post like a teenager again but it's NOT MT FAULT THEYRE JUST EVILLLLL

And why shouldn't I call my brother a motherfucker, father dear? Perhaps he is acting like a motherfucker!

There are only so many times a 17 year old can turn the lights off on you while you're reading before he stops being annoying and starts being an asshole motherfucker and he fully passed it the first time because he'd already put both my claw clips on the light where I couldn't reach them