#singleparenthood

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2008

The Christmas Season

Love Christmas, always have but my role as a mom makes the season a bit hectic. I need to have some time of reflection but it can be difficult. I'll be lucky if I get my Christmas cards out by New Year's ;) I started a new job, one that may be temporary since the pay is terrible and the hours go well into the night. It's a job though and I can still count my blessings.

Since I have a December birthday, one of the things I've enjoyed doing is making Christmas cookies with my kids and nieces and nephews. Its become an annual tradition that warms my heart.

I'm happy my kids are growing up with their cousins. It's fun to make childhood memories that are positive and carefree.

Now where was I...Oh yea, realizing that I had lost who I thought I was. Now, as I stated before, we were definitely trying our best to rekindle the fire that had dimmed after 3-4 years. But what was revealed to me today was- Just because it’s your plan, doesn’t mean it’s God’s plan and if it isn’t HIS plan then it will surely fail! Something that I will NOW tell myself every single day. Anyway, the fire had been rekindled but it was a temporary solution. You know what I mean, like applying pressure until you can find a band-aid? Yea, that’s exactly what it was.

So we were walking on eggshells. Tiptoeing around the “D” word. It was almost like we both knew it was coming but neither one of us wanted to say it. We both came from single parent homes, vowed that we would never raise our children this way, so if the “D” word came into play, are we failing? Are we just like every generation before us? These are the questions that kept two people in a situation that shouldn’t have been. We were literally co-parenting roommates.

Let’s take a look at that. We could have and should have called it quits, when we first realized but as many married couples do... you stay married for the sake of...children?...finances?...appearance? But you never stop to think, what is this actually doing to my mental health? What is this doing to my children? To the people around me? We often think we are the only ones impacted- if we divorce but SOOOOO many people are impacted when you stay together and are not meant to be.

I realized that when the “D” word was actually said and the papers were filed, I had to be selfish in a certain aspect. I had to protect myself which would ultimately protect my children. Do not be afraid to walk away for yourself. This is for any situation that is draining and disturbing your peace. If you value anything, VALUE YOU!! Did I know what I was walking into? HELL NO! But I did know that I was walking away from a place where I could no longer be. So I did it. I ended my marriage, ended the confusion, ended the hurt and anger and walked into my new life. “Hello, single parenthood, my name is LaToria Michelle, pleased to meet you.”

Be Blessed and Love Yourself <3