#singlemom

I thought the scary parts of motherhood was the newborn to toddler stage. I've come to learn that it only gets scarier. Raising a son as a mom who is doing 99% of the work is a job I don't wish on other parents. Parenting in a "perfect" home already has its challenges-- single parent parenting is a whole other ball park. Thank God for the blood of Jesus that washes away the condemnation sin brings, however, the consequences remain- and this is mine.

I'm not saying that my child is a burden. I love my child beyond measures and his birth awakened a love in me I didn't even know existed. What I am saying is, single parenting has taught me the value of God's order; the protection it brings, not just for your marriage but your family, and the blessings that overflow. What a blessing it is to unite as one with your husband/wife and boldly live out your God given role out in your home- in a world that opposes it.

I'm a woman- a mom, that can only operate under the Godly woman wisdom God bestows upon me. I was not created to be a father, and because of this there are areas I feel I lack in as a mother raising a son and it saddens me. It saddens me because these are the consequences my child now has to experience because of my disobedience to Gods order. You've ever come across a video of a man building something and catch a comment under the post that says "can you make a tutorial for how you did this- I grew up without my dad teaching me these things"... like, how gut wrenching is that? I want my child to experience what it is to have a present father figure in the home.

Thank God for the hope found in Jesus. While I feel these things I can hold on to the promises of God that says he makes ALL things new, here on earth and in heaven. (2 Corinthians 5:17; Isaiah 43:19, Revelations 21:5). While I wrestle with the thoughts of the cross I have to carry daily, I am reminded of the cross at Calvary- where Jesus said "it is finished", my debt was paid in full. I have hope in the midst of my sadness because God knows the prayers I've prayed in secret and the pain I quietly carry as I wait on his perfect timing. For the husband I desire; A spiritual leader in the faith, a man full of patience (mostly bc of me >.<), and who would love Zander as his own. I don't want Z to be the guy under a post on the internet telling a stranger to teach him how to drill wood pieces together because he didn't have his dad around.

Maybe I'm overreacting." - Those four words have talked a lot of teenagers out of speaking up.

If something feels wrong, start the conversation anyway. The one thing I always say is trust your instincts.