Dec 18, 2019
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Dear "Dad",
I remember quite vividly one time where you told me to essentially play keep away with one of my youngest cousins. I later felt your disappointment because I didn't want to play your game.
Your nephew was screaming and crying because you were an unsafe person holding him and keeping him away from his safe people and items. He was only a year old at the time.
I stood there wondering if that's why I can't cry. Because you played keep away while I was starving because mummy's body couldn't feed me properly.
If your idea of how to teach children they can't always get what they want the reason I have struggled for almost seventeen years to ask mummy for things I want or need?
Is your idea of a game the reason my skin has cried red because my eyes were as dry as a desert?
You were disappointed in me because after you had handed him to me and walked away I gave my cousin back his dummy. But you know what you didn't see?
You didn't see the way I apologised to him with tears in my eyes while I waited for you to walk away far enough. You didn't hear the way my heart broke because you expected me to follow in your footsteps but I just couldn't.
I couldn't do that to him. Nor could I do that to anyone, because if you doing that to me fucked me up this badly, how am I supposed to do it to someone else?
Mummy put a stop to you hurting my younger brother that way, but it was too late to fix me.
Even when no-one is home and I'm all alone I can barely shed a single tear from my eyes because hear your voice telling me to suck it up and I that I have no real reason to feel this way.
So if you want someone to blame for the fact my thighs, hips and forearms have cried more tears than my eyes, blame yourself.
~Sincerly, Your Broken Child
“Sometimes I want to rip out your throat, Daddy
For all those things you said that were mean.
Gonna make you just as vulnerable as I was, Daddy
What's that say about me?
Sometimes I want to bash in your teeth, Daddy.
Gonna use your tongue as a stamp
Gonna rip your heart out the way you did mine, Daddy
Go ahead and psycho-analyze that.
'Cause I'm your creation, I'm your love, Daddy.
Grew up to be and do all those sick things you said I'd do”
Happy Fathers Day to the man who broke my heart before any boy could...
It’s not my fault.
Since my daughter’s “dad” and I had decided it would be best so sever his rights there has been an insane amount of guilt on my behalf. I know I shouldn’t feel like this because it’s not my fault that he decided not to give it his all. It’s not my fault he decided to lie to me constantly and manipulate me and stab me in the back every chance he got. I was nice when I didn’t have to be. I had decided I’d always keep it civil and I wouldn’t cause drama because it wasn’t about me. It was about my daughter and she deserved to have a relationship with him. But when he wasn’t ever consistent with his visits and when he would show up late and anything else he decided he was going to do, I had more than enough. I didn’t want to give him a chance to be the first man who completely shatters her heart because he chooses not to be there for her and he chooses not to have an actual relationship with her. Loving your children should never come with conditions it should never be just when you feel like it. That is not what being a parent is about. I still feel guilt though. I’m going to be honest with her when the time comes and I’m going to tell her that it’ll be up to her if she ever wants to talk to him when she’s older. But as of now, I’m deciding not to have him around. It’s just heartbreaking when he would come around and she’d ask him what his name was. And who he was. She should know because he should be making much more of an effort then he was. But he chose not to. And I now am coming to peace with it. I know it’s not my fault. I know I’m trying to do what’s best for her. I just wish I felt better about it. Ultimately it was his choice and I know that. I do. He chose not to be there. He chose to always make half assed efforts. He chose to feel entitled to someone he doesn’t and will never deserve. It’s something I have to learn to let go of.
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Well I’m stepping away from all social media today & my phone in general . Peace out✌️
Yup fuck you, Rafael
Those who have read #toorelievedtogrieve will know that when Steve decided to end our marriage and abandon our children in 2013, I endeavoured to reassure the emotionally shattered children (aged 5 and 9 at the time), that due to his depression and anxiety, he wasn’t a ‘bad’ man but a ‘sad’ man. Now, following 9 years of relentless hostility, subterfuge and self-dealing, I’ve long had to abandon this strategy simply because the kids (now 14 and 18) can see through the overly generous accommodation. So, if this situation is resonating with circumstances you may be going through now, ask yourself this question: Too Relieved To Grieve: https://amzn.to/2Y4sC0s (link in bio) #deadbeatdads #deadbeatdad #baddad #hostility #subterfuge #selfdealing #dishonest #lyingliar #liar #fraudulentactivity #taxevasion #divorcecoaching #breakupcoaching #memoir #toorelievedtogrieve #karanscott #thealternativeheartbreakhandbook #truestory #reallifeevents #author #authorlife #authorsofig #authorsofinstagram https://www.instagram.com/p/CjC2Y58gOP0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=