#creativelit

I’ve spent most of my life unsettled,

You can’t tame the wild girl, not when her soul is the very fire your veins; why would you want to put out the spark that lit you up to begin with? You can’t tame the wild girl, who’s recklessness lives inside her flesh; you fell in love for everything that she is, so, you can’t tame the wild girl, and you won’t. You see, she will throw daggers of fire into crowds of innocent people, will dance when the music is on low, and God, she will love you fearlessly, and endlessly, if you promise to never let her burn to smoke. She will give you her hands, all blistered and burnt, and will sing you sweet lullabies - will take you back to the time when you were no worries and skinned knees, when the world spoon fed you with broken promises and forevers… She, is the only thing you will know to not be a lie - She, is the wild girl, who will never let you believe in fiction. I know, you were never the type to believe in fairytales, so she will not be the one to write it. Her truth, lies in the fact that she has no secrets, drinks whiskey from the bottle most nights than not, but kisses you, after every shot, so you can taste it. Her passion, will seep from her pores like tomorrow may never come, and you can’t tame the wild girl, not when her scent covers you in purity, like she’s never loved before the day she met you. On some days, you may hate the mess she wakes as, might meet a day where you roll your eyes instead of kiss her, but I promise you, she is the realest thing you’ll have, and the one thing you’ll never get to own - that’s a good thing. Let her roll onto your side of the bed, on the nights you can’t sleep, when she sloppily rests her arm on your stomach, stay. You can’t tame the wild girl, but she will give you poorly constructed pieces that make sense, maybe only to her, but take them, and know it’s enough. Don’t you ever try to change her, Don’t you ever try to tame her. She’ll forever be yours, for as long as you love her, the wild girl.

I️ have yet to figure out what I️ miss most about mid mornings,

Sometimes, if I listen close enough, I can hear your cries in the distance. When I sit, at night, with a glass full of wine and the music low, you’re the second to last thing that crosses my mind before dreaming; take that as you will. I know there have been days you’ve reached for me on the other side of your nightstand, nights, you’ve lied awake wondering if I’m facing the wall or somebody else. I know that there are times that I am, in a sense, the validation you need, but sweetie, we both know you’re holding someone else to your chest, and I am here, breathing nothing but my own supply of air. I’ve seen your face in the moonlight too many times to count, but know now that mirages are the ultimate form of yearning. and you are no longer the one I long for. Tell me, do you love her like I loved you? Because I promise anything short of a yes isn’t enough, any moment of hesitation is the answer you’re scared to admit. I know begging and pleading are not forms of love so I decided long ago to let you be free. If it was me you wanted to spend your life with, you never would have destroyed me, would have kept me safe in the highly secured compartments of you heart, wouldn’t have lashed out at the softest parts that I offer. I no longer have a bone in me that hardens for your loss. When I hear the whispers that say you miss me, I always tell myself the wind is blowing too hard and too cold that night. These ghosts around me don’t belong here anymore; not when you’re the one who put them there to haunt me.

It isn’t what I lost, nor found,

I'm no fool that's to be pegged for getting lost in the shuffle, aware of my solitude, but I, I am not wrong for being comfortable here. You see, time has a way of leading us down specific paths, for all the right reasons, and I, am not meant to settle into comfort at this moment. I love harder than what's for my own good, and so time has given me what its supposed to, has made it so I have the space to give all this extra to myself. It is not sad or wrong to love yourself, in fact, I feel sorry for those who can not stand on their own without somebody to lean on. You, have two feet for standing and two hands for holding, so please, learn how to hold yourself up in these waters. When the time comes to sink or swim, I'll always know how to keep my head above water, and I won't let you bring me down.

You have me right where you want me....or need me, I guess I haven’t yet distinguished between the two. There are gifts at my doorstep that I don’t know how to accept, and hands that are cold from keeping there distance. I remember a time when you said my hands were always warm, like magic and like star dust, like, one touch could make you explode into the universe. We used to joke that we were nothing but particles in the wind, and I guess, up until now, I’ve never felt more spread out across the globe. There was a time where your arms were the glue that kept all my pieces together, and now all I see are bits of you and bits of me - us, crumbling. I never imagined a world where whirl winds of star dust looked more like a hurricane than a cosmo, but you are exactly the chaos my soul has set free to hold. I don’t care if this is a tropical storm or the god damn milky way galaxy, you are all I need to make sense of this world we live in, to make sense of all this...atmosphere we’ve spread ourselves across. Maybe these gifts I have not yet accepted are ones I can’t accept because they don’t bring me home to you. Maybe I’m not one to be greedy with taking what’s given to me, because I’m greedy with giving my love to you.. and nothing can give me more joy than that.