#readitoutloud

have counted so many days where the love I have was unreciprocated,

but today I lay here, and know, that isn’t my life anymore.

It’s true when they say you can’t make the wrong love right,

and be it all passion and fire and lust,

love can’t be a shapeshifter in the night,

denying you of the smallest comforts and joys.

Love should be as free and consistent as the river,

not so dependent on the gifts I bring or do not bring to the table,

love is about loving with all the love, even through the hard times.

I love myself and so nights are easier awake in my own company,

but there’s solace in the idea that I know my love would wake patiently,

holding me until the demons in the darkness stop screaming,

kissing me softly until all my worries simmer to quiet.

There’s comfort in the fact that this love is different,

this love is patient and kind,

and this love is, trusting and reassuring.

Comparison is the killer of every bit of happiness so this isn’t about which love was better,

but I know in my heart what feels right and what feels good,

and today,

I know I lie beside the most beautiful and patient soul,

someone who only yearns to please me,

someone who always wants to make me laugh.

There’s a destroyer in the type of love with selfish intent,

and for the first time in my life, I’ve found a love with selfless actions and acceptance in everything I am.

I spent all of my life trying to form something that wasn’t love into the shape of the keyhole in my heart;

Time has taught me that the love that belongs to you shouldn’t have to be made into something it’s not,

love taught me how toxic the wrong love can actually be.

I’m so lucky I get to be alive and loved right by you,

I’m so lucky I made it through the darkness to find your warm and tender heart.

but hers is beating too fast.

Mine?..left somewhere on a beach,

far from California and a long, long ways from here.

I try everything to make mine go faster,

like maybe I’m not giving it a fair shot,

but when I think of where my hearts the most steady,

I can hear her heartbeat syncing up to mine,

someone else, somewhere else along the Eastern coastline,

watching waves crash quickly at her feet.

We don’t get to choose what our hearts want most,

tangled up in distance and regret-

I miss how good the sound of silence felt,

like nothing could ever take away what we had.

We’d rest our heads gently at our pillows each night,

and talk about why we felt the Moon was an old friend who already knew all our secrets.

Loving you was that feeling, of knowing you knew me before I knew myself,

and I miss the comfort of my heartbeat synced with yours.

Steadiness, in my chest, and passion in our souls, is the only thing I ever desire in this lifetime.

I would travel across the entire universe if it meant it got one more day at loving you..

if it meant I got one more day to steady your heart with mine.

but the way you still make me feel,

that sends my bones to be nothing but shipwrecked remains.

I, can not hold up against your waters,

love, you are what takes me out to sea,

but what also keeps me out to drown.

I, was never meant to be a cast away Wilson,

I deserve more than hollowed company and the screams of silence;

your markings on my back left from before the time you decided to never touch me again.

I, cling onto every single piece of evidence you left behind,

to prove that once, I loved you, and I think you loved me too.

I never got to dive deep enough within your depths,

but you’ve told me twice too many times that no one ever took on such feat.

I would have ran out of oxygen to explore every single thing you had to offer,

but I guess you weren’t ready to let someone in: