#slampoem

Pics from tour 💚☦

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📷 1-2 Brave Days

📷 3-5 Bunny Love

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And is it okay to crawl into bed, where my tangled limbs, and scarred skin lay waiting? Where, with my eyes closed tight, I told myself I wanted you to care. Where cold, lonely bodies tied themselves in knots over and over again.

And is it fair to make believe and pretend and act the way I should? When really deep inside, I knew it was far from what I felt. Because the fire that bred beneath my skin wasn't lust but shame.

And is it normal for your melancholy hands to wrap around my neck, where my quick bursts of breath became strained and shallow? Before my face was ground against the plush of sheets, darker than the future in sight.

And is it a lie if I go along with it all? If I make it seem as though my vocality is a sign of pleasure rather than immense pain. Though the only speaking up I do is grunts and moans and gasps.

And is it love if the only thing you wanted was my body? For your own escape, your version of bliss and peace. A thing i’d lost along the way.

And is it sweet if you turned down the tv a little but still kept it playing? So my words could blend and fade, even though they never came.

these days

I feel like i am a prisoner in my own skin

i feel as though i am no longer the owner of my vessel

instead, she is owned by Them

The Men who think

that they know everything

there is to know.

They think that

if i do not appreciate their touch

that i am ungrateful and prudish.

that if i exist

that it is their right

to lay a hand across my face

or upon my chest

or against my thighs.

i feel like a prisoner

in my home,

in my car,

in the bathrooms

because society thinks it’s cute

to show Men that they can treat a woman

however he wants,

touch her however he wants,

speak to her however he wants

without consequences. 

my mother never

lets me leave the house without pepper spray

or my boyfriend/father/brother

because They’re everywhere.

and some people even have the guts 

to sit there and tell me

that i deserved it?

that because i was present in the situation

and am the proud owner of breasts and a vagina

that i deserved it?

that because He 

“is a good person”, or

“has a good heart”

that i deserved it?

and worst of all are those who

refuse to even believe that it happened

that she is making it up

lying

doing whatever she can to 

ruin Their lives

because

these days

women are prisoners in their own skin

women are no longer the owners of their own vessel

and the greatest crime a woman could commit

is saying the words

“Me Too.”

Your hair cascades and your smell stays in my sheets for weeks 

i don’t even want to clean them 

they’re washed with evidence of my hidden passion

For years i could only imagine, now a reality 

from the first caress i was yours 

drawn to the floor 

palms to my face, happiness indescribable 

I draw you close with a small touch on this night 

It is dark but i can see every inch, every time a new story painted on our body

How do i keep this forever?

Your giggle glued in my brain, i am not the same

this pain is lifted from confusion and the blindfold is lifted 

i can see

We play 1950 together and it’s like we’re traveling, without moving an inch

like my life is a movie and i pinch myself every night to make sure it’s not fake 

this is no mistake, not how it used to feel 

This is surreal and it’s not that i can’t deal,

 i just need you to know that i want you more than just at the end of the night 

I want you in the morning when your eyes are shut tight and i watch you 

You moan and grip me with all your might, right before you know i have to let you go

Eyelids heavy at night, but won’t allow them to close till sunrise 

Minutes float like time doesn’t exist and i wish i could fall into my bed with you for weeks 

and we just learn, with no concern of the responsibilities that lie above us

You make me want to leave nothing unsaid, yet everything still to say

I want to be naked with your mind and mine combined 

your shyness alluring 

as it mirrors boldness and i crave it more and more

So call me pretty girl,

and let me call you mine.

we cant go to school without being shot 

our government is being ruled by a homophobic orange.

i forgot to mention HES A RAPIST

which you say its alright because everyone did ‘it’.

Does that mean you’re a homophobic . sexist . rapist . pedophile who molest little girls?

You don,t understand what its like to be called a failure because of a generation.

or be caught i a time where genocide is a causal conversation.

where if you're shot and killed you're just a number

you say we (my generation) will destroy the world.

i agree. 

When I first met you, I just didn't really care much. People were nothing if not disappointing, however you exceeded my expectations, or so I thought. I can't say I've ever had anybody "give" as much as you did to me, it's something I truly always thought I didn't deserve. You seemed so intrigued by me when I was doing little to nothing to capture your attention. I have to admit, I stupidly let down my walls. I began to reciprocate the feelings that you said you had and continued to show. Your every word astounded me and I must once again admit I was a captive audience. From that point on you were nothing but a gentlemen. You'd even beg for my attention when I was too scared to give it to you, too scared that I'd become attached. I even shared these fears with you: too scared to get hurt, too cracked to be broken again, too afraid to give myself. Yet, you'd beg anyways and I eventually gave it to you. I gave you my time and attention and just to add insult to injury I have given you the money I earned during fifteen hours of work. Hell, I even gave you the satisfaction of falling for your lies and told you things that I hold sacred. You'd told me you had been hurt, I empathized, but I never thought you'd use me how others have used you. The difference between the way I treated you and the way you treated me is that I meant it. When you broke it off, it was random and uncalled for. Surely there had to be another reason or an explanation for such a sudden change of direction. I was hurt. You had your reasons though and eventually I believed those too. I took in every lie you preached. I even decided to walk away from this situation somehow feeling like a better person just because I had known you. I decided to work on myself and thought that we'd either work out or both find something better. But, either way I decided to remember my time with you fondly.