#moved on

The link was mockery

Now I have carved it out

Was in a relationship with tumblr: einnengill

“I just don’t want to be together with you anymore”, how most love stories come to an end. I was A-OKAY like Seinfeld considering we had been at that very moment several times just with more screams. We argued annnnnd she punched me in the mouth. We lived together so I just I laughed at her and walked outside to separate myself from her AND her mom. 10 minutes later and I’m driving down to my parents place. You know to “give her the space she needed after such a traumatic experience”. Went back the next morning hoping things have calmed down, NOPE.

She backed me into a corner of my own house and threatened to strike my face again and before I could crash out I walked away. As much as I hate to admit it, that old side of me was going to treat her like a man and beat the living shit out her until someone strong enough was able to either pull me off or put me out of my misery. THAT didn’t happen, I walked outside again and called the police. They came, investigated, she tried to lie and claim she was the victim…of course 🙄 Thanks to the local sheriff department I got the help I needed to legally get her away from me. She was arrested on for assaulting me.

WHYYYYYY? why did i help her go to court and try to “soften the blow” To maybe save an already annihilated relationship? What thinking with your other brain can do to already broken young man after manipulation and mental abuse. It didn’t even help much. Even though I wasn’t pressing charges the state said heck no and they did themselves. She was still charged and hit with the books almost. No jail time but she got a pretty hefty probation and well I wanna say this is on her record for life.

If she assaulted anyone, argued with me and the neighbors called the police, basically got into any kind of legal trouble the judge was going to re-open her case with me and throw whatever bs we tried to “save” the first time right in the garbage. We tried to make things work but shortly after that court date she felt everything she tried to do and wasn’t allowed to anymore cause of her charges “made her” hate me more and more.

She said,

She loves,

Me,

I said,

I'm not good,

Enough,

I am,

A diamond in a rush,

I let go,

Of my,

Demons when,

I'm filling, (filling)

My cup,

I said,

you must,

be kidding,

Me,

I feel like,

You're,

By my,

Side,

Dust on,

I moved,

On,

I'm still,

Dreaming,

I was a cat,

In the universe,

So on,

I was sure,

All along,

The Echo of 11:18 PM

Dee sat by the window, the glow of her phone illuminating a face that looked much older than it did back in 2017. She had just finished deleting old files when she stumbled upon a screenshot of a Note she wrote on May 6, 2017, at 11:18 PM.

Reading it felt like a physical blow to the chest.

"Nakakaawa ka na babae," her younger self had written. "Brokenhearted ka na naman dahil sa kanya."

She remembered that night. The raw desperation of being a "stalker" just to feel a connection. The frantic search for a profile that wouldn't load. The labels she threw at herself: buang, baliw, martyr, tanga. Back then, she was holding on with bloody hands, proud of her "honor" status in the school of unrequited love.

If you asked Dee today, she’d tell you she’s moved on. She has a life, a career, and days where his name doesn't even cross her mind. But "A" wasn't just a person anymore; he was a system error.

She could close the tab, but the process was still running in the background, consuming her memory.

She looked at the old Note again: "4 years na nga eh, pero di mo alam."

It had been nearly a decade now. The "pahinga" she promised herself back then had turned into years of silence. She had stopped checking his profile. She had stopped hoping for a medal. She had finally "graduated" from the drama, yet she realized that moving on and letting go are two very different things.

Dee realized that she wasn't waiting for "A" anymore. She didn't want the version of him that existed now. What she couldn't shake was the version of herself that loved him—that girl who was willing to hold on until her hands were "sugat-sugat."

She was no longer the "martyr" she scolded in 2017, but "A" remained the benchmark of her greatest capacity to love. He was the ink that leaked in her pocket; she had washed the pants a thousand times, but the faint blue stain remained, a permanent part of the fabric.

She closed the screenshot and locked her phone.

"Mahal na mahal kita, A," the note ended.

Dee whispered it into the quiet room—not as a confession of current desire, but as an acknowledgment of a long-standing truth. She was moved on, yes. But some people don't just leave your life; they stay in your system like a heartbeat you've learned to ignore, until the room gets quiet enough to hear it again.