#breakup tips

i got some really bad news..

my girlfriend just broke up with me and im finding it really hard to cope with. do you have any tips?? I could really use any right now mwah mwah kiss kiss, xoxo emily

hey emily 💔

first of all, i’m wrapping you up in the biggest blanket hug ever. breakups feel like someone has yanked the floor out from under you, and you’re just… floating in the freefall. there’s no sugarcoating it, it sucks, and you’re allowed to say it sucks without trying to immediately “find the lesson” or “be grateful for the memories.” right now, your job isn’t to be inspirational. your job is to just survive the day.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ surviving the first wave ･:ೃ.⋆ your brain is probably doing that thing where it keeps replaying moments... the good ones, the bad ones, all tangled together, and each one feels like a punch. this is normal. your brain’s trying to make sense of something it doesn’t want to accept yet. so, you need to stop feeding it extra material. that means muting her on socials, tucking away pictures, hiding her sweatshirt at the back of the closet. not because you’re erasing her, but because you’re protecting you. it’s like stopping the bleeding before you can even think about healing.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ feeling without drowning ･:ೃ.⋆ the hardest part is letting yourself feel without letting it swallow you whole. when you start spiraling, set a timer for 10 minutes. let yourself cry, scream into a pillow, write an unhinged note in your phone about how much she hurt you, whatever. when the timer goes off, you do something physical to pull yourself out, wash your face with cold water, step outside, stretch until your muscles ache a little. grief is a wave. you don’t stop it from coming, but you can keep yourself from being dragged under every time.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ stop romanticizing the version of her in your head ･:ೃ.⋆ i know you keep thinking about how she laughed that one time, or the way she looked at you when you were half-asleep. but here’s the thing... that girl doesn’t exist anymore. maybe she never did, at least not fully. you were in love with a whole version of her that’s now gone, and the person standing here in the breakup aftermath isn’t the one you built a life in your mind with. it’s brutal, but the quicker you stop reaching for her shadow, the sooner you can start holding your own hand instead.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ make “nexts” instead of “nevers” ･:ೃ.⋆ people always say “you’ll love again,” which is true but annoyingly vague. so don’t focus on the forever, focus on the next. the next new café you’ll go to without thinking of her. the next song you’ll find that makes you feel something that isn’t grief. the next inside joke you’ll make with someone new. little nexts stack into a life that feels yours again.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ create tiny rituals just for you ･:ೃ.⋆ when your relationship ends, all the small shared routines vanish, the good morning texts, the tv show you watched together, even the way you grocery shopped. that absence is loud. so you need to fill it with your noise. start a silly playlist you add to every morning. light a candle at night when you’re getting ready for bed. make sunday mornings your “slow breakfast and no phone” day. the point isn’t distraction, it’s proof that life still has sweetness even when your heart is bruised.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ don’t rush the rebuild ･:ೃ.⋆ you’re going to have days you feel okay, and then suddenly one tiny thing will knock the wind out of you. this doesn’t mean you’re “regressing” or “failing” at moving on. healing isn’t a straight staircase, it’s a messy map with loops, pauses, and random bursts forward. be gentle with the girl who wakes up crying. she’s also the girl who will one day laugh so hard she forgets she was ever this sad.

so for now, eat something, even if it’s just toast. text a friend “i’m sad” and let them send you memes. wear something soft. breathe through it. you are not stuck here forever, i promise.

xoxo, mindy 🤍

Day 3 of no contact. You’ve checked your phone 47 times, drafted a dozen texts you didn’t send, and found yourself genuinely wondering if your ex is still alive because surely they would have contacted you by now if they were okay. Sound familiar? If you’re asking “why does no contact feel so hard,” you’re experiencing one of the most universally challenging aspects of breakup recovery. The…

As we are starting to creep into September we all know the “cuffin’ season post are slowly approaching. “Take his hoodie season” and or “mood” relationship photo inspirations are coming and some of us are not ready. I am going through a little sabbatical from dating to figure out what I want in a partner and/or what I can offer to my partner. I think everyone needs to do this or even ask yourself some questions before jumping into a situationship and/or relationship. It is important to not bring your past trauma to your new situation.

Before you accept that date - here are some questions you should consider:

Before You Start Dating

Have you let go of any past relationship trauma?

Enough said. If you haven’t spare the next person the headache.

Are you dating for the right reasons?

It is very important to note that dating should be fun. Dating should be about learning more about yourself and other people. If you are dating to mask the feeling of being lonely … you should not be dating anyone.

Do you know your “non-negotiables”?

You are probably asking yourself, what the heck is that? In life, especially in dating, you need the non-negotiables, both men and women. These are the things that you say absolutely no too. For example, one of mines is dates. I like to spend time with people so you must like dating. That doesn’t mean spending $69,694 on a date but you must be able to go out and want to go out. If you can’t double date with my friends, then you ain’t the man for me. Discuss with yourself the things you want in a partner, keep note of those things. If you meet someone and they embody one of these things - dismiss em. Save yourself the he or she can change mindsets - no one changes unless they actually want to.

Are you open for change?

When you meet someone you have to be open for your routine and lifestyle to change. Dating and being in a relationship is all about compromise and creating a new routine. If you are opposed to change, dating ain’t for you sis. While in the beginning someone would be open to all of this and say they do not care as the months go along - he or she will get tired and this too will start a fight.

Do you have time?

TIME.TIME.TIME. Dating is not for the weak. One important thing you need to ask yourself is, do you have time to bring someone into your life? Dating can be time consuming. With the dates, the text messages and the sleepovers - I can promise you that your alone time will be cut in half. It also doesn’t make sense to bring someone on and then decide later when the emotions are established that this is not for you. Before you accept that date offer or before you ask he or she on date - be sure to ask yourself if you have time to keep this up.

Are you ready?

It is a very simple question. Dating comes with some disappointments. Not everyone is going to be prince charming. Not everyone is going to do what you want them to do. Are you ready to roll with the punches?

hi there ! it can be really hard to move on without getting closure - but it is possible. when i broke up with my ex, she pretty much blocked me on everything and blanked me at school before we could talk things through and end things on a lighter note, so i have some experience here.

first off, block him on everything. delete his number. block his socials. everything. you’re not going to be able to move on if you’re constantly checking up on him or waiting for a text. you need to distance yourself from him.

then, give yourself a day, two days at most. cry. do a facemask. take a bubble bath. watch your favourite movie. eat as much ice cream as you can handle. do anything and everything that will make you feel better. but then, after those 1-2 days, don’t let yourself wallow anymore. pick yourself up, and work on actually moving on.

distract yourself. pick up a new skill - cooking, or guitar, or crotchet! anything as long as it distracts your brain. if you don’t feel up to that, treat yourself to a new video game or book, or start a tv show you’ve been wanting to watch. honestly do anything that focuses your mind. 

hang out with some other people. i know this one is kind of impossible right now, so videochat with some friends! watch a movie using kast, or play some video games together. anything you can / want to do with people who Aren’t the dude.

i’m blanking a lil on breakup advice currently, mostly because i haven’t been through one in over two years. but ! check out my “breakups” tag on here! there’ll be some more advice there.

because who wouldn’t want to glow up after having their heartbroken? or hey, maybe you were the one breaking hearts, i don’t judge. (i will disclose that this is more for those who’ve gotten out of a negative relationship/left it on bad terms). either way, dumper or dumpee, breaks up put you through an emotional rollercoaster. how do you bounce back? adjust to the single life? not break down every time someone mentions their name? here’s my top five tips to heal from heartbreak:

1. closure is important,  but don’t get it too early. if it’s possible, give you and your newly made ex some time before a closure talk. straight after a breakup, you’ll have millions of unprocessed emotions. figure out what you need from that closure talk. is it just your stuff back? or do you need answers? give yourself time to figure it out, otherwise, it’ll turn int break up sex. and break up sex is a sticky situation if you’ll excuse my pun.

2. you are allowed to feel angry. you are allowed to feel lonely. you are allowed to feel sad. you are allowed to feel guilt. you are allowed to feel shame. you are allowed to feel relieved. you're going through it, you’re gonna get in your feels for a lot of different reasons. every single one of them is okay. you can’t stop it happening, and it's personal to everyone, but it’s also part of the healing process so don’t stop yourself from getting in your feels when it hurts. journal. talk to friends. a counsellor if you need to.

3. spend time with friends but spend time by yourself too. the people you surround yourself with should be positive and supportive (and hey, your ex is already gone just as well cut off any shitty friends too). whenever you can laugh with them, cry with them, get drunk with them, have deep chats at 3am, but remember that it’s not so bad being alone. remind yourself of life before your partner. if you’re struggling the battle of lonely boredom, ask yourself, what did you use to do before the time you saw them? learn to enjoy your own company.

4. remember the good times you had with them as well as reflecting on the bad. you want to grow from this. reflect on what was wrong about the relationship, learn from it, but remember the good, too. you’re not trying to develop a grudge towards the other person, you're trying to learn from them.