#avoiding triggers

Day 3 of no contact. You’ve checked your phone 47 times, drafted a dozen texts you didn’t send, and found yourself genuinely wondering if your ex is still alive because surely they would have contacted you by now if they were okay. Sound familiar? If you’re asking “why does no contact feel so hard,” you’re experiencing one of the most universally challenging aspects of breakup recovery. The…

No titles. No direction. Just writing what I feel to write when I feel to write it. Maybe that will heal some of what I’m feeling, maybe that will bring me to a place of some kind of understanding. Right now, there isn’t much.

I’m not understanding and I’m not being understood and that’s a dangerous combination in my opinion. Tripled with the idea that no one really cares anyway makes it feel extremely destructive in my mind and in my heart.

Unfortunately what comes of that is a physical reaction, so it’s not only emotional and mental for someone with chronic illness but more of a life spent avoiding triggers. I know I haven’t figured out all of my triggers yet but I do know that stress and anger don’t help me at all. But what I feel lately is balled up in just those things.

I am stressed so I get angry that someone or something stressed me out so I’m stressed and angry about being stressed and angry that someone or something did that.

Lately I get mad at myself because I feel like I have allowed that to happen. I feel like my loss of control is something that reflects poorly on me, not on the person doing it to me. It feels like I should know better. I shouldn’t care and I shouldn’t let it effect me. So when it does it feels like a failure on my part.

So I’ve tried to stop the outside triggers, tried to shut out what I believe is harmful but it turns out those harmful things and people are closer to me than I thought.

Please avoid defaulting to gendered terms when referring to non-binary people! Pronouns don’t equate gender identity!

When describing a romantic relationship with an enby (non-binary) person

TRY: partner, significant other, other/better half, date mate, zefriend, enbyfriend, sweetheart, soulmate, spouse

DON’T USE: boyfriend, husband, gendered terms 

(unless you have asked their preference, and they suggest the use of a “gendered” term, as Asra is a fictional character, please respect his gender identity, it is great enby representation, and your respect or disregard affects real gender diverse people!)

Asra isn’t Aisha and Salim’s son, he’s their child.

If Asra has a child, he wouldn’t be their father, he’d be their parent, Moddy or Zaza (or you could research another of the many non gender specific terms that exist)

If you aren’t explaining an enby’s relationship to another person, you can usually just use their name!

EDIT 1: to be clear, this isn’t a call-out post! I’m not going to at you if you’ve used gendered terms in the past, just please keep this in mind going forward (and consider editing past mistakes, a little allyship goes a long way)

EDIT 2: all people express their gender identity differently, be mindful and consult individuals regarding their pronouns and whether they prefer non-binary, “feminine” or “masculine” terms

a) don’t want all over my feed at all times. If I want to see it I will look it up myself

b) don’t want to see at all, because they might trigger me

One minute you felt loved, desired, and complete. The next, you’re questioning everything about yourself. “Am I not good enough? What’s wrong with me? Will anyone ever love me again?” If you’re wondering “why do I feel so worthless after the breakup,” you’re experiencing one of the most universal yet misunderstood aspects of relationship loss. You’re Not Broken—Your Brain Is Just Doing Its…

Soft discard is when someone doesn’t fully break up with you. They slowly stop choosing you. The replies fade. The effort drops. The relationship ends quietly, without a conversation, leaving you stuck searching for closure that never comes And Why does it hurt so much?Because nothing officially ended. Your brain keeps waiting for an explanation, and that waiting becomes the pain. At first,…