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when society expects you to "love" your family because "they're still your family" and shame you if you express any kind of distaste for them (especially in certain cultures that are family-centric like mine, wherein most children are expected to support their parents even if they've been shitty)
this is afamphobia.
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im in a fandom where 99% of fanworks on familial stuff and its really been pissing me off. no i dont care about your family, i dont care about their "brotherly bonds" or "father figures" I DONT GIVE A FUCK. THIS ISNT EVEN IN CHARACTER FOR THEM! STOP TRYING TO FIT THEM INTO A HEALTHY FAMILY THATS NOT FUCKING IT! IF YOU WANT THEM TO BE A FAMILY SO BAD THEN AT LEAST MAKE THEM FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL, LIKE IN CANON. THEY DONT EVEN TAG THEIR SHIT PROPERLY, I CANT READ ANYTHING WITHOUT COMING ACROSS FAMILY THIS AND FAMILY THAT.
sorry if this is too intense!
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Welcome to @this-is-afamphobia, a blog where we look at things and say "That's afamphobia!"
A little bit about me: my main blog is @privygrid, I am demifamilial, aroace and agender, and I am of legally adult age (thats the closest im getting to revealing my age on here). I go by she/they, and am not a big fan of gendered terms, so please try to avoid using those for me. I am also a university student with a ton of assignments, so apologies if I miss any submissions.
What's afamphobia? Afamphobia is discrimination towards afamilial individuals. What is afamilial? A person who is afamilial/afamspec is someone who experiences little to no familial attraction/love.
Please make sure your submissions are polite and worded clearly. If you wish to make any changes to your submission, you can send a message about it.
Inspired by other this-is blogs, mainly @this-is-arophobia, @this-is-aplphobia, and @this-is-ableism.
Me and a "friend" of mine (not friends, there isn't really a good word to describe "very close acquaintances who voluntarily spend time with each other" beyond that though) are both anattractional to varying degrees. We're also both specifically friendship averse/avoidant.
He has SZPD and I don't, but I've been described as having "personality disorder traits" enough times that, according to him, I'm an honorary member of the "people with personality disorders" club.
People constantly act weird about the fact that we are close but won't call eachother friends or any other similar words. They don't like when we describe eachother as acquaintances, and they don't like when we describe eachother as allies (the best word we have besides "friends")
They ask if we're dating (we're not, I'm loveless aroallo and he's loveless aroace and neither of us would ever consider properly dating someone) and then get upset when we try to explain the concept of "two people can be close but not be dating or friends".
Then they always ask if we're family (they usually ask us if we're related but occasionally someone will ask if we're some sort of found family situation), and they get pissy when we both dislike the idea (we're both family averse! Neither of us has a family! Our relatives are not our families)
I have no idea what it will take for people to understand the concept of "we are close but have no relationship of any form beyond voluntarily socializing with eachother".
We're not even safe from this shit from other aspec people, because for some reason most people who aren't aplspec or afamspec or at the very least also loveless are just confounded by the idea that some of us don't desire any form of relationship. One of our mutual classmates is aroace and would not stop harassing us over the whole "we do not have any sort of relationship with eachother, please stop pushing relationship terms on us".
Sorry for rambling, it's incredibly frustrating and I needed to talk about it somewhere
This is amatonormativity, specifically socionormativity (in this case platonormativity and familial-normativity) and romance-normativity.
Im non-partnering and anattractional on all fronts. Platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, etc. I have never experienced any of these, and I have expressed discomfort with "affectionate" terms of all sorts since I was able to speak at age 2. I only accept my name, title, and pronouns as terms of address, and I don't feel a *need* for any sort of social contact. Partly because of SPD.
Nobody in my life will accept this. Coworkers constantly attempt to call me things like "buddy" or "pal" despite me repeatedly telling them to only use my name or title.
My doctor always tries to initiate physical contact (shoulder touches, etc) in sympathy when I'm talking about my symptoms even though I have told her several times that I don't want to be touched outside of necessity, and that I don't consider sympathy a necessary situation for touch.
I cut off contact with my relatives because they wouldn't accept the fact that I don't see any of them as anything past my relatives and that I don't feel any strong emotions towards them.
I even had to drop the therapist who diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder because she wouldn't accept the fact that I didn't want to "fix" my lack of desire for social connections. I only wanted to address the issues with derealization I was having, which I ended up having to do with a different therapist that specialized in a less effective form of therapy.
Apologies for how long this ask is, I just wanted to talk about it somewhere without being scrutinized
This is aphobia and ableism.
I hate how some people truly just won't back off. Don't use nicknames people ask you not to, don't touch people against their consent unless it's literally necessary, don't try to push relationship standards onto people when they don't feel comfortable with it. Respect people's individuality.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
the way people like to say “they’re not just friends, they’re family!!” to stress the importance of their relationship, and make every platonic relationship into ‘found family’. it feels exactly the same as when arophobes go “they’re not just friends, they’re romantic partners!!”
as if being friends isn’t enough?? as if platonic bonds aren’t good enough or strong enough, we need to make it MORE important?? no, they don’t need to be family to be important and loved!
this is afamphobia.
the heeeaaavy societal expectation that to be successful or fulfilled in life one needs to get married and have kids, aka start a family. ESPECIALLY for women who are expected to be baby making machines as soon as they’re old enough. it’s a super duper fun mix of afamphobia and misogyny. not everyone wants a family! i can have a completely fulfilled and happy life with 0 family!
this is afamphobia and misogyny.
i am afamilial and aroace. the thought of having a child or a family *disgusts* and repulses me, literally, i cant even think about it without wanting to vom-t, it's so tiring when people say "everyone will eventually want a family!" or "i also didnt want a bf back then" or "thats selfish!" :((
cant i just not want to date/marry/have kids with anyone :(
[PT: Vomit.]
This is familial-normativity.
