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The constant pressure for people to give hugs, shake hands, or otherwise touch people is touch-normative and asenphobic. It is also ableist, because a lot of people are touch repulsed due to physical pain, sensory issues, anxiety/paranoia, or other symptoms of neurodivergence or physical/sensory disability.
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Im non-partnering and anattractional on all fronts. Platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, etc. I have never experienced any of these, and I have expressed discomfort with "affectionate" terms of all sorts since I was able to speak at age 2. I only accept my name, title, and pronouns as terms of address, and I don't feel a *need* for any sort of social contact. Partly because of SPD.
Nobody in my life will accept this. Coworkers constantly attempt to call me things like "buddy" or "pal" despite me repeatedly telling them to only use my name or title.
My doctor always tries to initiate physical contact (shoulder touches, etc) in sympathy when I'm talking about my symptoms even though I have told her several times that I don't want to be touched outside of necessity, and that I don't consider sympathy a necessary situation for touch.
I cut off contact with my relatives because they wouldn't accept the fact that I don't see any of them as anything past my relatives and that I don't feel any strong emotions towards them.
I even had to drop the therapist who diagnosed me with schizoid personality disorder because she wouldn't accept the fact that I didn't want to "fix" my lack of desire for social connections. I only wanted to address the issues with derealization I was having, which I ended up having to do with a different therapist that specialized in a less effective form of therapy.
Apologies for how long this ask is, I just wanted to talk about it somewhere without being scrutinized
This is aphobia and ableism.
I hate how some people truly just won't back off. Don't use nicknames people ask you not to, don't touch people against their consent unless it's literally necessary, don't try to push relationship standards onto people when they don't feel comfortable with it. Respect people's individuality.
I was in a comment section a while ago on tiktok and the topic was how a lot of ppl are extremely touchy with their friends, which is obvs fine, but specifically how people expect everyone to be ok with that (being touched)
I brought up how I don't enjoy being casually (hugs, hand holding, stuff like that) touched by anyone I'm not romantically involved with. The replies I got to the comment non stop questioning and bashing me for being more comfortable being touched by a romantic partner than family. Someone even said it was a sign of either "severe mental illness or being self absorbed".
I mentioned to them that I only date people I have some sort of established relationship with and they still insisted that I would rather be physically affectionate with a stranger than family (nothing wrong with that anyways) and that that is a problem I need to solve. Explaining that I'm demiromantic also lead to people saying the "youre not special, everyone is like that" which I didn't care enough to explain why that's not true.
In my personal preferences I don't like being touched due to sensory issues, skin allergies, germs, and general dislike. Because of that i only allow those I am willing to essentially share germs with to touch me after a very boring conversation of my boundaries and many annoying allergies lol
This is touch normativity, ableism, and arophobia.
Why is it so hard for people to understand that touch can be a complicated subject for people? Not everyone is touch-favorable. Touch-repulsion, touch-aversion, touch-ambivalence, and touch-indifference exists too.
Additionally, not everyone has overlapping sensual and familial attraction.
Also, I hate when people say "everyone is like that" about demiromantic attraction, because its simply not true. So many people get romantic crushes on their peers without needing to form a close emotional bond first. So many alloromantics daydream and fantasize about kissing and dating and marrying people they've barely (or potentially haven't) spoken to.
Thanks for pointing out the struggles with wanting/accepting physical touch from others. I'm personally touch repulsed in general and my family decided that I was intentionally starting drama when I put up any boundaries. Afterwards I had my personal space and skin violated twice as much. Apparently breaking down into tears after the fact is completely irrelevant, and no harm no foul!
Context [link].
This is blatant touch-normativity and asenphobia.
I am so sorry that they decided to cross your boundaries even further when you set them up. It's frankly horrific that people repulsed, averse, or disinterested in specific things get so much shit by allonormative people who think everyone should be like them.
I am a touch-ambivalent person. I am selective about who can touch me and when. But some people truly do feel entitled to put their hands all over me because they want to "make me like it" by showing me it's "not so bad."
It's creepy as hell to try and force someone to ignore their boundaries for the sake of "normalcy."
It is assault. Touching someone when they explicitly put down boundaries not to is assault.
