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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.
But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!
Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.
no no i actually think it’s super fun that you took that aro/ace character and bent them over backwards to make them gay!!!! we all know being gay is more #progressive than being aro/ace so i’m so glad you freed them from having a storyline unconnected from romance and shipping!!! you go diva!!!
The first LGBT group I ever joined asked me to leave because they didn’t consider asexual to count as queer. It wasn’t visible enough to them. And more than that, they were concerned that I was a CisHet man only using the label of asexual to sneak into what was meant to be a safe space
Now that I’m out and transitioned, I still run up against this suspicion that I’m just infiltrating spaces and making them dangerous for the people they’re meant to protect
I’m tired of being seen as a predator when I’m just trying to exist
ppl on this website will say that those who refuse to learn from history are doomed to repeat it and then recycle the same "This Marginalized Queer Group Is Actually Bad And It's Actually Okay To Bully Them And Harass Them" discourse every year like clockwork
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!
But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".
And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!
I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.
I hate how accurately the movie depicts society's view of people not in romantic relationships is.
Ryland Grace was not a sad man waiting for his demise. He was happy. He loved teaching, his students were SO important to him. He had a good life.
But he didn't fit societal norms and that somehow made his life less valuable? The way Stratt saying "oh you're not married, you don't have any immediate family or even a dog" was treated as part of an explanation as to why he should be more willing to go on a SUICIDE MISSION?! As if that somehow made his life less important? As if it made him some sort of expandable material?
It's genuinely so sad how realistic it is. It's also part of the reason why I wholeheartedly believe in aroace Grace. It's just such a common experience within the community that even if it's unintentional it feels like finally getting some sort of representation.
(I genuinely hope this post is at least somewhat coherent it's basically just a rant written at two am that I'm too tired to look through <33)
a lot of the DSM’s very clearly prejudiced diagnoses (e.g. hypoactive sexual desire disorder, gender dysphoria, transvestic disorder, etc.) try to skirt around the prejudice by saying “the disorder lies in the patient’s distress over being this way, not the behavior itself :)” like hmmm do you think their distress has anything to do with societal expectations around “normal” sexuality and gender? or is distress just this magic thing that exists in a vacuum with no outside influence
like keep in mind that homosexuality was in the DSM until pressure was put on the APA by gay rights activists, and they “removed” it in 1973 and replaced it with many different diagnostic labels over the years to describe “this person is gay and distressed over it so we’re treating the distress with conversion therapy. blease don’t think we’re homophobic.” it wasn’t until 2013 that distress over one’s own sexual orientation was removed entirely from the DSM. do what you will with this information and begin to wonder what psychiatry’s actual motives are for continuing to pathologize queerness and gender nonconformity.
