#romance normativity

This is amatonormativity.

Caedrose (people who lose sexual & romantic attraction due to trauma) and stresrose (people who lose sexual & romantic attraction due to stress, mental health issues, or trauma) are valid aroaces, but it is disgustingly inappropriate to ask someone if their asexuality or aromanticism is due to sexual trauma. It is inappropriate to ask ANYONE "do you have sexual trauma" after they come out to you, regardless of what the orientation/identity is.

It doesn't matter that she is a therapist. Making assumptions that someone's orientation is the result of trauma perpetuates the stereotype that aroaces don't exist outside of trauma.

He has SZPD and I don't, but I've been described as having "personality disorder traits" enough times that, according to him, I'm an honorary member of the "people with personality disorders" club.

People constantly act weird about the fact that we are close but won't call eachother friends or any other similar words. They don't like when we describe eachother as acquaintances, and they don't like when we describe eachother as allies (the best word we have besides "friends")

They ask if we're dating (we're not, I'm loveless aroallo and he's loveless aroace and neither of us would ever consider properly dating someone) and then get upset when we try to explain the concept of "two people can be close but not be dating or friends".

Then they always ask if we're family (they usually ask us if we're related but occasionally someone will ask if we're some sort of found family situation), and they get pissy when we both dislike the idea (we're both family averse! Neither of us has a family! Our relatives are not our families)

I have no idea what it will take for people to understand the concept of "we are close but have no relationship of any form beyond voluntarily socializing with eachother".

We're not even safe from this shit from other aspec people, because for some reason most people who aren't aplspec or afamspec or at the very least also loveless are just confounded by the idea that some of us don't desire any form of relationship. One of our mutual classmates is aroace and would not stop harassing us over the whole "we do not have any sort of relationship with eachother, please stop pushing relationship terms on us".

Sorry for rambling, it's incredibly frustrating and I needed to talk about it somewhere

but hearing people say "when are you going to get a bf/gf" to literally anyone

bonus points when they are asking that to someone whos openly notromanticallyattractedtomen about a bf or someone whos openly notromanticallyattractedtowomen about a gf or someone whos notromanticallyattractedtoanyone about either of them or even in they just dont want a romantic partner

its so normalised too sadly

This is amatonormativity.

On the same topic, people trying to force aspec folk into a typical heteronormative and amatonormative relationship despite the aspec person not wanting it - 👔🐇

This is romance-normativity and arophobia.

Well, later i told my mom, and she asked why he thought i ever flirted with him

I said "i guess i occasionally say that i love him and that he's nice?", and she was like "well no wonder then, if you don't add «as a friend», how is he meant to take it?"

This is romance-normativity. (Maybe heteronormativity too but I don't know your gender.)

Not too long ago I saw a comment on tiktok(?) of someone saying hooking up is equivalent to cheating????

Why is casual sex such a crime to people omg

Even more annoying when people say they hate hook ups but don't keep that energy when it comes to friends with benefits (not that they should, just hypocritical) cuz thats also hook ups just with someone you know more