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The tip-off phrase is "If [circumstance] was true, then we/I could do [helpful thing.]" This is not a guarantee that the person is offering, but it should tell you "I am being informed of a way to improve things."

Your confirmation phrase is "What documentation would that require?" This is essentially asking them "if people come asking me to prove this, will I be able to? Or will they not come at all?"

The answer you are hoping for with the confirmation phrase is "Just tell me if it's true, and I'll put it on the form." Note that this is not a direct instruction to lie, because they can't tell you that.

If they didn't mean to extend an offer to lie or this is a situation where they can't, then they'll list off something like your paystubs or your birth certificate. Your response back in that case is "Thanks, I'll tell my friends who qualify." This clears you of any concerns that you may have been considering lying.

The more complex answer is when they answer by giving you a form on the spot. Your job, in this case, is to scan the form and see if what they are asking you can be meaningfully verified by an official source.

Things that can be verified by an official source include, but are not limited to, your age, legal sex, income, veteran status, and place of residence. It's not generally a good idea to lie about these on official documents.

*me, thinking about how I quit smoking in 2018 and it is now the year of our lord 2024* "Oh yeah, still working very hard. You know how those cravings can hit."

*please note, how I omitted the truth in the example. I didn't ANNOUNCE it been 6 years SINCE I ALREADY QUIT. I said that I was working hard because cravings are still a thing (6 years later not said out loud). The fact I haven't have a SINGLE one in 4 years [I was Weak during lockdown but could not finish a cig anymore] is irrelevant. The doctor asking me was *nudge nudge wink wink* pointing out that labeling my cig use as "not quite quit yet" would cut some costs on medications.

Sometimes the 'lies' you are being an opportunity to nod along for are just ommissions of truth. Like- still being an active smoker for easier access to other treatments or random pains being worse than YOU personally find them. "If X is true, Y could be an option for you" is a way to allow you to snip off details to make X TECHNICALLY true. They are asking you to be a VAGUE fuck- not a pedantic one. For BOTH of y'all's plausible deniability.

"So these symptoms prevent you from doing [X, Y, Z] activities?"

Even if YOU think you are mildly inconvenienced at best, 'OH YEAH- the generalized fatigue/nagging pain/light headed feeling just makes it so hard to [whatever activity you just find more choresome in those circumstances]!'

I have also had it happen at random coffee shops. Or vape shops.

"How much cash do you have on you? Conveniently this is on sale RIGHT NOW for you for 5 dollars less than that IF it happens to be your birthday. It's your birthday... RIGHT??????"

You all ever seen that scene in the Incredibles where Mr. incredible basically tells this little old lady to get her stuff approved? It’s a cartoonish example of what happens all the time in real life.

You ever seen a cashier conveniently forget to ring up baby formula for a single mother, and then wish her a lovely day?

If somebody does this for you, and you are at any point in a position to give Feedback On Your Experience — no they didn't. Don't tell Yelp, don't tell the customer satisfaction survey, for the love of fuck don't tell their boss, even if you mean it as praise. "Employee was friendly, knowledgeable, and professional" end of review.

MASTERPOST: Everything You Need To Know About Taxes

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MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Credit and Credit Cards

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MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Getting a Job, Raise, or Promotion

"I don't like any of these extremists on the right or the left! I just think we need the basic common sense middle ground stuff. Like, the government ought to be providing everyone healthcare, that's just basic. Every other developed country in the world can do it, why not us? We're Americans, we're supposed to be world leaders. And why are we letting rich people accumulate so much money they can buy our entire government? We need sensible tax rates like we had in the 1950's. We don't need the government interfering in family medical decisions or what gender people want to be, talk about your activist governments! What's next, they wanna micromanage us like they did in the 1800's? Send women to jail for wearing pants? Come on, let trans people go to the goddamn bathroom, what's wrong with people? And I don't understand why we need a freaking secret police force to terrorize people whose visas expired. Why don't we just let anyone immigrate and get a green card if they can pass a background check, that way they get paid minimum wages like Americans do and corporations can't pay them super cheaply to get out of fair wages? It'd be better for all Americans that way. You wanna enforce customs at the border, sure, we don't want smuggling, but the way ICE currently is, half the people who work there get a hardon when they think about terrorizing immigrants. In my opinion the whole department's gotta go and we go back to the way things used to be. "

These men just stole the personal information of everyone in America AND control the Treasury. Link to article.

Akash Bobba

Edward Coristine

Luke Farritor

Gautier Cole Killian

Gavin Kliger

Ethan Shaotran

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

You think your company pays you out of the goodness of their hearts? Or even out of “market pressure?” The “job market” is a myth perpetuated by the capitalists. Corporations would pay you nothing if they could get away with it. And you argue “oh, but if they paid me nothing I’d just go to another one.” Wrong. Because to maximize profits, they all want to pay you nothing. Corporations exist to maximize profits while reducing risk for investors. It’s part of their entire function to find ways to cut costs as much as possible, and that includes finding ways to pay you nothing.

Unions are your defense against that. You think all a union does is strike? If you pay union dues, a lot of that is spent on lobbyists in various governments reminding your lawmakers that you have rights as a living human being that a corporation should not be able to stomp all over. Unions hire lawyers so that if you’re fired for bullshit reasons, the union can stand up for you against your boss. They’re called unions because workers are uniting to pool resources so that they can stand up to these corporate overlords with more money than God. Unions exist because you might not have the words, resources, or time to fight workplace injustices all by yourself. That’s the whole fucking point.

Workers: *Go on strike*

But it’s about workers rights and the people who campaigned for it to be a holiday knew this fucking day would come.

List of inventors killed by their own inventions

List of scandals with the -gate suffix

List of noodles

List of hoaxes

List of pirates

Response to sneezing - that is, what you say after someone sneezes

List of places in the U.S. named after places elsewhere

List of songs about bicycles

List of American advertising characters (e.g. the geico gecko. There is also an article for breakfast cereal mascots specifically.)

List of unusual deaths

List of superlative trees - its TREE APPRECIATION TIME

Recursive islands and lakes

List of Crayola crayon colors

List of individual birds. There is SO much going on here.

List of deep-fried foods (aaaaaaa)

List of words that are their own antonyms

List of genres (of...everything)

List of onomatopoeias - READ THIS PLEASE

List of Noah’s Ark replicas

List of people who have been pied

List of voids - This is meant in the astronomy sense but I think the name is funny.

List of animal sounds

List of cryptids

List of prison escapes

List of discredited substances - there’s a LOT going on here

List of methods of capital punishment

List of wartime cross-dressers

List of extinct dog breeds. this topic contains some of my favorite obscure facts

List of songs considered to be the worst - there is also an article about the worst books and one about the worst movies, if you’re interested

List of facial hair styles

List of clowns

List of sexually active popes - I just think it’s funny that this is an article

List of reportedly haunted locations

List of animals with fraudulent diplomas

List of people who died on the toilet

List of English language metaphors

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