Alara doesn't actually hate Tumblr anymore

Let's take makeup. For many people, makeup is a lot of fun! Make yourself more attractive, hide your human frailties like being overtired, change your appearance. As a person who hates makeup because I'm autistic and I can't stand the chemicals on my face, I can nonetheless see why people might like makeup.

There are also men who like makeup. Most of them are gay.

What's happening here is that something which might, objectively, appeal to a broad number of people, is being sold hardcore to women, while men are getting the message "This isn't for you! Men, you shouldn't like The Stuff! Don't do The Stuff!" So with women we get a range from "I refuse to do this even though I've been pressured into it", through "I guess this is something I'm socially expected to do, and my opinions aren't strong on it one way or another", up to "I really love this stuff!" And with men, the majority are absolutely "I do not like this stuff", "I don't see its relevance to my life", "I know nothing about it"... you have to genuinely love it to overcome the pressure to not like it, if you're male.

So are women being brainwashed into loving The Stuff? No. Women are being exposed to The Stuff, told that other women love it and they should too... but actually that does not cause humans to love something they would have otherwise disliked. The exposure to something that is fun for many people, and that many other people perceive as a social requirement, allows people who would ordinarily have enjoyed it to learn about it and embrace it. Other people may just be going along because they're expected to. Some people who didn't start out liking it, but did it because they were expected to, have achieved enough expertise that they do kind of like it, because people tend to like what they've become good at. And some people still hate it, and may or may not participate in it.

It looks like women are being brainwashed into loving The Stuff because cis het men almost uniformly hate it... but they are actually being brainwashed. They're told, just as unrelentingly as women are told to love it, that it's not for them, that using it marks them as Unmen, that it should give them gender dysphoria, that they'd be laughingstocks... so they reject it en masse. And so any men who might, without such pressure, actually love The Stuff, never learn to love it because they never get anywhere near it.

Phrasing this to women as "you just love The Stuff because you were conditioned to" is, naturally, taken badly. No one wants to believe they love what they love because they were brainwashed. And honestly... no one does love what they love because they were brainwashed. They love what they love because they were exposed to it, taught how to use it, and found that they liked it. But you absolutely can brainwash someone into hating something they've never experienced. So the things that women like because they were told to like them are things that the women who say "I like this" probably really do. But things women were taught to hate because they were told This Is Not For You, This Is Disgusting And You Should Hate It, are things that maybe they would have liked otherwise.

And the forces that tell men Don't Do Woman Things are much more powerful than the forces that tell women Don't Do Man Things. It's not that the latter dont exist --- ask any trans man or butch lesbian -- but because patriarchy says that Man Things are good and respectable, and Woman Things are frivolous and stupid, women can get a lot closer to learning about, and learning to love, Man Things without it upsetting anyone's idea of their gender, especially after 50 years of Title IX and similar things, then men can come to learning about and loving Woman Things. Men are actively ostracized by other men for even hinting at liking Woman Things unless they are also performing masculinity so hard in other ways that no one can get away with that (like my ex, who loved motorcycles, martial arts, fixing cars, and Barbie dolls. And presented as someone who could beat the shit out of anyone who objected to that.)

What is insidious is the pressure to do Woman Things even if you don't like it... which is not what's going on with the people who say "I really like The Stuff!" They're sincere. And in a genderless universe with no expectations, they probably would still have liked The Stuff. But there are also plenty of women whose attitude is "I have to do this to be taken seriously at work, to look good to myself, to avoid dysphoria, to attract a partner, to look like someone a person would want to be friends with", and those people don't love The Stuff. They do it because they're obliged to, and if they've learned to like it, it's probably their own mastery of the craft that they like, not the craft in and of itself.

You can see this dynamic more clearly with textile crafts. Sewing, knitting, crocheting, quilting... back in the days when Joann's existed, it was incredibly rare to find a man in the store, because these skills are sold to women as "this is a womanly skill that many women find fun" and men are told "this is a womanly skill, you wouldn't understand and you don't want to get involved in it and people will make fun of you if you do." There's no pressure on women to learn to sew, in general. It's a fun thing many women want to do, but no one says you're not a real woman if you can't knit. There is pressure on men to not learn to do it. So if we define textilecraft as The Stuff, then we still get "women can learn this and it is fun", and "men should not learn this and their balls will fall off if they do", but we can see women aren't actually having The Stuff forced on them in this case. It's optional. So we can see that people who take it up are enjoying it because it's fun for them, and that women who don't suffer no consequences... but men who try do face consequences. So, disproportionately, men don't do it and it stays Woman Things.

So the official term for this, when a kanji is read one way in some contexts and a different way in others, is usually a case of onyomi vs kunyomi. -yomi, "reading" (from yomu "to read") basically categorizes words into whether you read them with the chinese pronunciation or the japanese pronunciation.

There are a lot of complicated factors that go into this but the easiest way for english speakers to wrap their heads around it is that the Japanese language ended up with multiple sets of vocabulary in the same way that the English language did with the Germanic language/Romance language split; you have one set of vocabulary for common, everyday use that derives from germanic vocab, and then another set of vocabulary for fancy, formal use that derives from Latinate vocab. The classic example is using swine to describe the animal, which the Germanic-speaking Anglo-Saxon farmers and handlers would tend to, and porc to describe the meat, which the French-speaking Normans would eat. But pretty much every word in the English language has some degree of casual-formal duplication of this kind.

Much like European scholars did with Latin, a bunch of vocabulary got imported by the literati of Japan starting around about the 5th century in order to have a different and more formal register to talk about certain topics. This was imported alongside the Chinese writing system at the same time, which then over the next few centuries was shifted into a simpler, non-logographic, syllabic script that became hiragana (the wavy one.)

But that means that a bunch of imported Chinese vocabulary was conventionally written in their original-or-close-to-it hanzi form, and spoken with their original-or-close-to-it Chinese pronunciation. Words of this type have a much higher incidence of long vowels, left over from the Chinese where each character would represent a single complex syllable varied by vowel intonation, compared to native Japanese words which are polysyllabic and hit more consonants.

So, the system has evolved in various directions over time, and now there are a lot of ways that a single character can be read depending on positioning and context, but the broad strokes are: if the kanji is mostly on its own, surrounded by hiragana, it will take the Japanese reading (kunyomi) and if it's part of a compound word, paired with other kanji, it will take the Chinese reading (onyomi.) The more formal the text -- especially notable with medical, scientific, or governmental texts -- the more dense and compacted it will get, with a much higher ratio of kanji compounds to hiragana, and a correspondingly higher dose of onyomi readings.

To leave off with one example: the video above highlights (手), which is 'hand.' When it appears by itself surrounded by simple words like participles, it takes the kunyomi te, like in the sentence 'take my hand' (手を握って, te o nigitte.) But if you are using it as part of a more abstraction concept, like in 手動 -- done by hand, or manual, see how the english term underwent the exact same shift into latinate when it gains a level of abstraction? -- then it becomes part of a compound word with another kanji. Now it takes the onyomi shu, to become part of the compound word shudou. Catch that long vowel! If it weren't part of a compound word, that 動 by itself would take the kunyomi hataraki, for motion or action.

'Troupe', 'troop', and 'thorp'. Loaned from French twice, as well as the homegrown term for a small village/group of houses.

'Pack', and 'bailey'. Native word and French loan.

"Sir', 'sire', 'seigneur' and 'Monsieur'. All from French at slightly different times and in different contexts.

Same with 'dame', 'dam', 'madam', and 'ma'am'.

'Mister', 'master', 'magister' and 'maître d'. All from Latin and French.

To 'spout' and 'spit'. First is from Dutch, second is native English.

To 'wake', 'watch' and 'wait'. First two are native English, third is from French.

To 'ward' versus 'guard'. Same word, but the second one was borrowed into Latin and then back into English from French.

As a trans-androgynous person, what the hell is this? Are we not allowed to be happy about who we are???

I hate tomatoes. But everyone in my family loves them. And because I love my family, I love to provide them with tomatoes. Even though I find fresh tomatoes disgusting and I'm not totally thrilled with the cooked kind all the time.

Two children are spanked. One grows up believing that it's good parenting. The other grows up recognizing it as abuse.

Think about how each one views the world in general.

The one who supports spanking believes in the just world theory, in which bad things only happen to those who did something to deserve it. Since they don't see how cruel the world is, they have no objections to having children. In fact, they spent so long tolerating being oppressed and hoping to one day become the oppressor, that they now can't wait to have children and abuse them.

The one who opposes spanking can't even process how cruel the world is. They're overwhelmed by how parents can scar their children for life, come up with the stupidest justifications for it, and still receive support from others. They also see many other examples of cruel people with power receiving the utmost compassion while the vulnerable people who they terrorize are seen as deserving of it. They can't understand how people got this cruel, and they can't figure out how to convince people that cruelty is wrong. Because of how cruel this world is, they refuse to bring a child into this world.

Some people especially want to bring children into the world because they want to make the world a better place for their own children than it was for them.

One could argue just as convincingly that going along with cultural expectations is favored by evolution because the cultural expectation is that you have kids. If you think about having kids or not as a serious question, some will decide not to, but if you never thought about it and just kinda drifted into it, you definitely will.

And then you look at me like I'm the dumbest person alive because no, it does not hit different when it's a cheese sandwich, it just becomes an incredibly obvious and tautological thing to say.

if you are doing any creative project with someone else in which money will be involved, make a contract. Doesn't need to be super formal. Get something laid out in writing that very clearly indicates what the person you are asking to do something is responsible for, the timeline in which they're expected to complete it, and the compensation they'll get for doing so.

"oh but we've been best friends since eighth grade" make a fucking contract.

"oh but this probably won't make much money anyway" make a fucking contract.

"oh but I don't know all that legalese" there are tons of pretty accessible templates available online if you research, just make sure it's one that suits your needs and you understand what's in it (it can be written in normal language without legalese, as long as it's clear), and make a fucking contract.

There's William Faulkner's fictional Yoknapatawpha County.

In DC Comics, we have Metropolis, Gotham City, Ivy Town, Midway City, Gateway City, Central City, Coast City, Star City, etc.

There's Garrison Keillor's Lake Wobegon from "A Prairie Home Companion," anyone?

To start off, some facts:

-White wine is made from sweet pulp inside of the grape (minus the seeds).

-Red wine is made from both the skin and the grape (and the seeds and stems…sometimes? Can’t remember).

-Tannin is the substance found in red wines, coffee, dark chocolate. Tannins are responsible for the bitter taste in those foods.

-Tannins are found in the skin of the grape, as well as the seeds and the stems. Therefore, most red wines will have tannins, versus most whites will not have tannins.

-Red wines vary in level of tannins, depending on variety of grape, climate, and fermentation process. Pinot noir tends to be very low tannin. Shiraz/Syrah, choice of poison for our beloved brunette surgeon, is very heavy on the tannins.

-Some white wines (most commonly Chardonnay) are aged in oak barrels instead of metal containers. Oak barrels have tannins, which seeps into the wine during the fermentation process. That’s why Chardonnays tend to be “drier” aka it has tannins.

-White wines like Sauvingnon Blancs are usually fermented in steel barrels (aka no tannins. Aka usually very fruity and light and sweet).

Your ability to taste tannins is genetic.

There is a genetic marker determining whether your taste cells are sensitive to tannins.

Basically two people can drink the exact same wine and have wildly different reactions because: 1. Person A can’t taste tannins, so they taste the actual wine flavor. 2. Person B can taste tannins, and that tends to overpower ALL the other flavors in the wine. Basically all they taste is tannins and none of the wine.

I am super tannin sensitive, so if I drink a wine like Cabernet Sauvignon (very tannin heavy, aka “very dry”, it tastes like bitter ethanol alcohol to me, whereas my best friend can’t taste tannins so the same wine is maybe a little bitter but they can actually taste the grape and different flavors. To her, a wine like Sauv Blanc is too sweet, tastes like sugar water. But to me it tastes good.

So unless it’s the taste of the alcohol or all wines you hate, chances are you might hate the taste of red wine, especially the heavier red wines, because taste the tannin overpowers everything else. And all you taste is bitter bitter ethanol bitter more ethanol. 

More tannin info: -Tannins bind to fat.

-This is why tannin heavy wines are recommended with fatty foods (Shiraz and steak). Whenever you eat food with high fat content, the fat builds up on your tongue. A sip of red wine will bind with the fat on your tongue and clear it away. That’s why the sip of wine between bites of fat heavy foods is considered a palate cleanser.

-By that logic, this is why white wines are recommended with low fat foods, like fish. Salmon is fattier than most fish, which is why Chardonnay (tannin heavy white wine) or Pinot Noir (low tannin red wine) is recommended with salmon.

-People who are sensitive to tannins can drink tannin heavy red wines with fatty food and generally the wine won’t taste gross. The fat on your tongue (from that steak) will bind with the tannin and neutralize the tannin taste. Aka the only time I ever drink Cabernet Sauvignon or Shiraz is with a steak or heavy, creamy pasta. Aka never bc I don’t often eat either.

-The reason dairy helps coffee taste better is because the fat in milk/creams binds with the tannins in coffee and neutralizes the bitter taste. This is why people who can’t taste tannins can generally drink coffee black without milk (sugar is a different story). It’s also why almond milk in coffee is the worst idea (almond milk is already bitter and has no fat).

More wine facts: -90% of the “aromas” of wine are marketing BS

-You know the labels that say like “cherry with a hint of blackberry?” There’s no real way to infuse cherry or blackberry into grape wine without screwing with the fermentation process. It’s all created by the wine marketing industry to sell you win. Sometimes if you smell cherry before you drink the wine, you might taste it in the wine (because majority of flavor comes from smell). Or if you think there is cherry flavor in the wine, your brain can trick your taste buds into tasting it.

-The only true flavors found in real grape wine are grapes (obviously), oak/earthy flavor (the barrels), vanilla (barrels, oak sticks), tannins. (There are a few others but can’t remember. I think maybe cinnamon?).

-People’s perception of wine often affect how good it tastes to them. Social psychology studies show that people will rate the exact same wine differently if they’re told the wines are different in price. (They rated the more expensive wine as tastier).

(Side note: if you do order a white wine that’s too dry for you, order an accompanying shot of Saint Germaine or other elderflower liqueur and mix it with your wine little by little until you like the balance. This will boost the alcohol content a bunch, so be careful, but it will also sweeten the wine and add a pleasantly floral, fruity overtone. I did this for a friend of mine who only drinks dessert wines when she stopped by unexpectedly and all I had on hand was super dry stuff.)

For a truly sweet wine, look for an ice wine or a moscato - these are wines that actively taste sugary. A riesling or a gewürztraminer will not taste sugary, but neither is it likely to be bitterly dry - riesling is the sweeter of the two and the safer bet for sweet; gewürztraminers are “complex” wines in that they can range from dry to off-dry to sweet depending on preparation. They tend to have a lot going on, flavor-wise, at least in my experience.

So there's this woman I follow on YouTube named @aketchjoywinnie, and she lives in a traditional village either in or near the border with Uganda. She does a lot of short videos on the local culture and diaries going up through her current day-to-day, which is that she has a suitor she likes and is hoping the tribal elders approve the match.

So I'm sitting here crocheting and watching YouTube shorts and she just straight-up rewired my brain chemistry. She's explaining how dowry works, and then she said "in some western cultures, the dowry can be an expensive ring."

HOLY FUCK

Like

She's not wrong

She's absolutely not wrong

We tend to view an engagement ring these days as consumerism for consumerism's sake but it was historically a way for a man to show he had the wealth to care for a wife, and, should anything happen to him, it was something she could sell to support herself through the mourning period while her family helped her get everything back together.

"If you can propose with a dowry of a ring, why can't you propose with a dowry of fifty goats?"

SHE'S NOT WRONG.

There are a number of ways money can change hands at a marriage. Sometimes it goes to the couple, to help them establish themselves, sometimes it goes from one family to another.

My brother in law's wife grew up in rural China, an only child (of course). When he traveled there to meet her parents, he understood that he would be expected to provide a substantial gift to her parents, enough to help ease their old age. They were Chinese village middle class, but he's urban American middle class and thus far wealthier.

He thought he might have to buy goats, but it turned out her parents wanted a boat. A nice little fishing boat with a motor and fish-finding sonar.

Bride price says "women are highly valuable. If you want our daughter, you must compensate us for the loss." Dowry says "women are a huge burden. We will pay you to take our daughter off our hands." They are actually enormously different and have very different implications for women.

Her culture may call it dowry when they speak English, but the British, who for obvious reasons invented most of the words we speak when we speak English, had dowry as a cultural thing, and when they encountered societies that did the opposite, they didn't call it "male dowry" or "reverse dowry" or something, they coined a completely different phrase. (A phrase that itself carried sexist implications, as it was positing that women in that culture were property that could be sold... in most cultures with bride price, it is not thought of as buying a family's daughter but as compensating them for losing her labor. Which just goes to show you that people who have dowry find it very hard to comprehend women being valuable in a culture.)

Anyway, as a native English speaker, I wouldn't call it dowry even if she does, because the word "dowry" has a specific meaning in English and what she's talking about is actually neither dowry nor bride price. It's the man paying the woman for her companionship and labor, or, viewed another way, it is the man expressing that he can take care of the woman, as the woman in the video said. It's given directly to the woman on marriage, not to her parents, so it's not bride price... but because it's given to the woman and not to the man, it's not dowry.

(Another interpretation of dowry, more charitable, is that it consists of things the woman will use to make a household -- cups and plates, cutlery, blankets, etc -- so it's not a gift to the man, it's the property she brings to the marriage in order to immediately get started on the work of a wife. But I have also heard this referred to as a hope chest, assembled by a girl as she grows into a woman in "hope" that someday she will marry, in which case it's not a dowry because the girl herself is building it and she will keep it, she'll just share it with her husband.)

What critters are common in your neighborhood, but really exciting to visitors?

I was something like 50 years old when I learned that not only are they not a worldwide phenomenon, they aren't even universal within the US. I hear the West Coast doesn't have them.

Everyone should come here and experience a night with fireflies at least once. They're bugs that glow, and they land on you and then fly off harmlessly, and they're pretty to look at. You can catch them just by putting a hand near them so they land on it. Then you let them go because the point to catching fireflies is just to catch them, not to keep them.