My random browsing

Tim: Hey B.

Bruce: You're here. With a moving van. Tim, are you moving back in?

Tim: Yeah, if it's alright with you, I wanted to move back. The boathouse was too small for my family.

Bruce: Of course, it's alright! I'm so happy you're back home and- family? What do you mean by family?

Tim: You remember Bernard?

Bruce: Your cultist boyfriend, yes.

Tim: Don't call him that! He isn't in the cult anymore!

Bruce: Sorry.

Tim: It's fine. Well, a couple of weeks ago, Bernard tried his hand at an old ritual a friend taught him.

Bruce: He did a ritual? That sounds like a cultist.

Tim: Stop it. Anyway, we didn't think it would work. So we may have mixed our blood together and used it as the main ingredient of the ritual. And it worked.

Bruce: Well I don't like that. What did the ritual do?

Tim: Offspring

Bruce: What?

Tim: It creats offspring. Supposedly it was to gain the power of gods of old and give them a body but all it did was mix our blood and created three children.

Bruce: Children?!

Tim: *gulps* Yeah....B, I like you to met my children. This is Danny, Dani-with a i- and Dan. Kids meet the man who raised me after my parents died, Bruce Wayne. *steps aside to reveal three 5 year olds, staring up at Bruce with glowing green eyes*

Danny: Hi

Dani: Sup

Dan: Greetings

Bruce:

Tim: I know, what you're thinking, and no they are not experiencing Pit Maddness. I tested them. They just have, very small amounts of the Ghost King's powers since the ritual belong to his domain. But they also inherited Bernard's cooking ability!

Bernard from the van: They also have Tim's gorgeous brain!

Bruce horrified: Oh no.

Dan: Hey, Mr. Bruce, how attached are you to the west wing of your manor?

Bruce: What?

Dani: If it was overrun by the undead would you mind?

Bruce: I-

Danny: Mr.Bruce, can I eat your fear. It looks....tasty.

Tim: They're just kidding.

Bruce: Oh. I thought-

Bernard: Yeah, they know that we don't make bombs, summon the dead or feed on the mentally weak until after dinner. Right kids?

Dan/Danny/Dani: Yes, sir.

Tim: And you have to finish all your brussel sprouts.

Dan/Danny/Dani: Yes, sir.

Bruce: .....Oh Tim, its so wonderful to have you home. Along with your brand of...adventures. Really. Im ecstatic.

Dan: *Point at Bruce* Your blood pressure just rose. Are you having a old person attack?

Danny: Dan! Its rude to call it that. Mr. Bruce is having a old person moment.

Gotham villain also tied up: does this happen to you often?

Danny: yeah it’s routine at this point

Gotham villain: interesting. I am usually on the other side of this. Though not for a ritual to summon an eldritch being

Danny: I somehow always get caught up in rituals. Someday I’m gonna go rogue and start killing people

GV: well if you ever need help starting out give me a call. If we survive that is

Danny: oh we’ll survive. I know most spirits they summon by name now

Cultists summoning a spirit: come to us and take our sacrifices! Do our noble bidding!

Spirit appearing: sup Danny

Danny: hi Jerry

Spirit: caught again?

Danny: yup

Damian tends to get bullied even though he’s rich and because Damian is Damian he refuses to let his siblings deal with his bullies

The trio notices Damian getting bullied and instead of being all heroic and righteous they help Damian by essentially bullying the bullies

*Bullies picking on Damian for his accent and skin tone

*danny - don’t you have better things to be doing then bullying someone just because he’s a little different.

Tucker- yeah that’s so old fashioned no one does that anymore

Sam - people like you just piss me off

The bullies scatter like the rats from ratatouille before Sam decides to fuck them up

Damian tries to be stubborn and insist that he had it under control and didn’t need their help only for the trio to brush past the situation and invites him to join them for lunch 

Bruce: I always have time for the paparazzi, especially one as good looking as you. *winks*

Danny: Ew

Bruce: Excuse me?

Danny panic: Oh, did I saw that outloud? Oops, my bad, that was supposed to be a inside thought. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately, not since I got my new job so please forgive my lack of filter.

Bruce: ....

Danny: Anyway, I was wondering if you would be willing to have a small conversation with the kid I nanny. He's a real big fan

Bruce: You're a nanny?

Danny: Yes, sir, just started five months ago with the Drakes. Speaking of which this is Tim.

Tim:

Bruce: Is he alright?

Danny: Yeah he's just like a huge fan. I think he likes your company stocks? His room is covered in different stock rates. He has your company on conspiracy board and follows every raise and fall like its a sport team. He was really excited about the branch in Hong Kong.

Bruce: Oh well thank you for your support son. Say, Mr...?

Danny: Fenton.

Bruce: Mr. Fenton, how exactly has your job as a nanny for a nine year old prevented you from sleeping?

Danny: Tim breaks out of his room to roam Gotham at night trying to take pictures of Batman. It usually takes me until 3 or 4 am to find him and wrestle him back to the Drake residence.

Bruce:.....nothing could have prepared me for that answer.

Danny: Yeah, that was my reaction the first time I saw him hot wire the car so he could drive over to the Batman and Robing fight against Killer Croc three months ago.

Bruce: He stole the car?!

Danny from the shadows of a dark secluded cave, out of sight: I sent a summons for the immortal man, heir to King Arthur.

Alfred: Which is I.

Danny: ... no offense, but I thought an immortal would look younger.

Alfred: A common misunderstanding. It just means I age much more slowly. I am currently 113 years old.

Danny: And you don't look a day over 70.

Alfred: Thank you. May I ask who has summoned me?

Danny: The Ghost King

Alfred: I figured as much. My ring of servitude glowed when I opened the letter. How can I be of assistance, Your Highness?

Danny steps into the light: I need a human place to hide in.

Alfred:....

Danny defensively: Take a picture, it will last longer.

Alfred: I apologize for my unsightly gawking, Your Highness. You look younger than I expected. It caught me by surprise.

Danny: Yeah, well, I'm fifteen

Alfred: And you don't look a day past 5.

Danny: I had a magical accident while running away from the government, and now I look like a little kid, okay? Look, can I hide out with you until the heat goes down?

Alfred instantly realizes the Ghost King is younger than him: But of course. You can pretend to be my newly discovered son and live with me at Wayne Manor. Its the safest place in Gotham.

Danny: As your kid? Wouldn't people think it's odd that someone of your advanced age has a child?

Alfred: Not at all. In fact, I have a long list of open invitations to bed chambers. It wouldn't be out of character for one of my past flings to pop up with a child.

Danny: Damn, old man. Respect.

Alfred: Thank you, Your Highness. My last name is Pennyworth. I changed it over fifty years ago, when someone realized that I wasn't aging and that pretending to be my own son wasn't working. What first name would you like to go by?

Danny: My name is Danny. Danny Pennyworth.

Bruce is going to have to brain aneurysm when he see his father figure bring home a baby(in Bruce's vision, that a lil baby instead of a toddler), saying this is his father figure's youngest son.

Bruce.exe is crashing and rebooting at least four times while the batfam see the bruce who usually collective and not easily distract stuck in shock worse than a computer blue screen of death.

he getting good food, and getting to mess with a fruitloop, and sort of causing little bits of chaos.

The family think the child is haunted or some sort of demon. And their conclusion after weeks of investigation is that the mother is an otherworldly being.

"Big Brother," Danny called him again, insistingly. "Uppies!"

Bruce caved instantly and brought the toddler up. Danny immediately wrapped his little arms around his neck. "Yay!"

Bruce didn't know what to process first, the fact that his sort of father figure is still sexually active enough to produce a child or the fact that said child is adorable through and through.

Hmm, now that Bruce thought about it, is Danny registered as Alfred's child? Will the older man be getting many questions when filling the papers? He thought about his not so secret stash of emergency adoption papers. Perhaps it would be easier if he just—THWACK.

"Absolutely not, Master Bruce. Get me my grandchildren from somewhere else," Alfred said, a brow lift and a dust sweeper in hand.

a full animatronic!

but hold the "nobody" trick!

and hold penelope's test!

and hold penelop's test— HEY YOU! GIVE ME AN ODYSSEY WITH NOTHING

nothing? :[

Closest match: Argentina silus genome assembly, chromosome: 11 Common name: Greater Argentine

walking around asking people if they want to pet your rat (plushie)

going in character as a fur trader carting around a wagon full of exotic wares at competitive prices

handing people a business card containing only the printed image of a flea (and on the back, the text "uh-oh!")

*instinctively you flip it over searching for information*

happy new year -------------_--------------------

Simon "the butcher" who keeps apologizing for not knowing better, for causing harm to the people in the room, for being rightfully angry and lashing out, turning every knob and lever and pressing that damn button because why would it work when he doesn't have any power and why didn't they just Tell Him??

Simon "the butcher" who gets teary and has the look of a hurt child on his face when ava mentions filament station and his voice trembles when he is quick to say "that wasn't supposed to happen"...

Simon "the butcher" who apologizes to the sm-13, an inanimate object, after hitting the console.

Choosing the epithet "The Butcher" is a very deliberate choice. It's meant to depict him as a murder in the minds of the people that look negatively upon him, but that's not the only definition of butcher.

A butcher is also a necessary job to the food supply. They hack up parts of animals, they bleed them out, become covered head to toe with blood and gore. But for their dirty work, the best cuts of meat are produced.

People are fed because of butchers.