@starryeyebi - Tumblr Blog

since the original video is now unlisted on both of the original accounts on YouTube:

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thebootydiaries

Parents: why you wanna move so bad

Me: independence

Me in head: gettin a lizard

what-you-eggs

I too suffer from melancholia and require a hot older woman to walk the shoreline and do gay stuff with me

girlsuggestion

i applaud people who have been through hell but are still kind & loving towards other humans. i hope the universe will soon reward you with happiness.

spankerella

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sirkrabs

chonkyfroggy

*hits button violently*

toastheaven

baenling

moveslikekeithrichards

can u believe some people can see a cat & not immediately be filled with absolute unconditional love for that animal. they dont even get the urge to kiss them right on their little baby cat head. thats incomprehensible to me

all-a-mort

one of the things to look forward to in the show is how different Sam will be as Cap

I mean

Steve as Captain America

Sam as Captain America (perhaps)

civil war would have gone very differently

a-gnosis

Going through my heaps of paper reveals more forgotten sketches: Zeus and Hera from that scene in the Iliad when Hera seduces Zeus with the help of Aphrodite’s magical belt.

It’s one of my favorite scenes from the Iliad. Plato condemned it because he thought it set a bad example for young people.

wtfzeus

…out of all the shit in Greek mythology… a woman making an effort to try and inject some spice into her sex life with her partner… SETS A BAD EXAMPLE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE?!!?!?!

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teashoesandhair

A sitcom about the modern Greek gods where everyone is wildly miscast

Zeus is played by Michael Cera

dasfeministmermaid

😂😂😂😂 Hephaestus is Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

teashoesandhair

@seerofbirds has cast Danny DeVito as Aphrodite and @qrowxiii has cast Eddie Murphy as Ares, so this is shaping up to be a pretty great TV pitch and if anyone from Hollywood is reading this, could you also consider casting Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson as Hermes and Christopher Walken as Apollo, thanks.

teashoesandhair

Hera is Oscar Isaac because are you really going to cheat on Oscar Isaac, Michael Cera? Really? You’d do that? You’d look at that man’s face and chase tail somewhere else, Michael Cera, you sack of shit?

angelicfangirl

I’m dying this is fantastic I NEED THE WHOLE CAST

teashoesandhair

Hades is Whoopi Goldberg and Persephone is Jeff Goldblum and Demeter is Julie Andrews. Their interplay makes up 70% of the film and is all improvised.

Athena is played by Amy Schumer (thanks anon!) and she defeats her enemies by being incredibly loud and annoying and plagiarising all their tactics and eventually they just give up in irritation. She only has 3 minutes of screen time and no dialogue. Thank fuck.

Heracles is played by Jesse Eisenberg because Michael Cera got to be Zeus. Sometimes they swap roles. No-one notices.

Poseidon is played by Daniel Craig but his only scene is when he reenacts the famous Bond scene with speedos.

teashoesandhair

Artemis is played by Robert Pattinson and all his lines are just slightly amended from Twilight. Dionysus is played by Helen Mirren. It is perhaps the only apt casting in the film.

teashoesandhair

To clarify, Hestia is absolutely played by Charles Dance, whose costume includes an apron which gets progressively dirtier throughout the series.

In the sitcom, which precedes the feature film and which focuses on certain myths every episode, Narcissus is played by John Goodman. Echo is played by Billy Crystal.

Other episodes include the story of Eros and Psyche, played respectively by Jane Fonda and Shirley MacLaine, the story of Daedalus and Icarus, played respectively by Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern, and the story of Zeus overthrowing Cronus, in which Michael Cera as Zeus must defeat Cronus, as played by John Cena, in a battle of wits and muscle. Astonishingly, he wins.

i-can-do-tricks

this is all very good gud

but who is perseus and medusa? jason , Midas, circe, media, please I NEED TO KNOW

teashoesandhair

These are very important questions and I will answer them immediately.

Perseus and Medusa are played by Andy Samberg and Glenn Howerton. All their scenes together are just them one upping each other with improvised insults.

Jason and Medea are played by John Boyega and Meryl Streep, and all their scenes are so beautifully acted that they both get nominated for Oscars, despite the fact that one of Jason’s lines is “are you trying to fleece me out of the golden fleece?”, to which Medea replies “me, fleece you? Oh no, me dear.”

Midas is played by Steve Buscemi, obviously. For no discernible reason, everything he touches does not turn to gold, but copper alloy. This is possibly due to budget cuts. Due to their on screen chemistry, he bizarrely has several buddy cop style scenes with Jeff Goldblum’s Persephone.

Circe does not appear. If she did, she would be played by Audrey Hepburn, using that creepy CGI from the Galaxy adverts, but her estate refuse to give their permission.

teashoesandhair

Important updates:

(Anonymous suggests: Kelsey Asbille Chow playing Achilles, Michelle Obama is Thetis, Danny Trejo as Helen, Terry Crewes as Paris, and Adrien Brody as Hector. olvmpos says: Ganymede is played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, and regularly benchpresses Michael Cera.)

giantsnakesextape

Hey @teashoesandhair I’m not saying that I felt inspired and sketched Whoopi Goldberg and Jeff Goldblum as Hades and Persephone but that’s exactly what I’m saying

teashoesandhair

OH GOD THIS IS PERFECTION. THANK YOU. JUST THANK YOU. PHENOMENAL.

giantsnakesextape

YOU’RE WELCOME BUT ALSO PLEASE HELP COS I CAN’T STOP

teashoesandhair

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE POSTER FOR THE SERIES, YOU HEAR ME

teashoesandhair

I’m mad that people are just reblogging the first post here because YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON THE MOST INCREDIBLE ARTWORK YOU’LL EVER SEE

morietris

Okay, I gotta ask, who’s the Hyacinthus to Christopher Walken’s Apollo?

I can already hear Apollo’s relevant lines in Walken’s distinct cadence, but I wanna know who he’s cradling, devastated, while crying out in anguish and also pausing at all the wrong places.

teashoesandhair

What a great question, and it brings me absolute joy to reveal to you that it’s Jackie Chan. He does all his own stunts. There is only one stunt, and it’s him collapsing into Christopher Walken’s arms. For some reason, there are explosions.

that-rascal

@wtfzeus

wtfzeus

Oh my god 🤣

aristoteliancomplacency

Hell I just witnessed a murder

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

Ron: (Standing beside a coffin) we are here today to lay to rest this Long Dead Academic

(Muffled screaming from inside the coffin)

Mourner: I think this man is still alive

Ron: THAT’S JUST AIR ESCAPING

writeroffates

This is actually really cool and I just read the interview she did for the New York Times. I think anyone interested could give good a read: https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/11/02/magazine/the-first-woman-to-translate-the-odyssey-into-english.html

thebuttkingpost-deactivated2021

Greek mythology: aren’t the god great they only sexually harassed my wife and turned one of my children into a stag beetle this week

Norse mythology: dînghïr œne nüt got his name when he killed a lizard the size of every mountain in the world without Odin’s permission so Odin thought it would be funny to punish him by making him fart so hard one of his nuts flew off

wtfzeus

Do you ever wonder… why the hell we all like this stuff so much? Like, given that it’s usually so just… completely fucking bonkers?

wtfzeus

Zeus: Geez, babe, I know that my wife turned you into a monster because of our affair, and that’s tough, so I wanted to make it up to you. Here, have the ability to remove your own eyes.

Lamia: What

derezzcartes

*hears thunder* thor if thats u bitch i love u

vulvva-deactivated20200910

This is Zeus erasure

goldcrescent

Zeus deserves to be erased

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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myrtlewilson

none of your mythological faves were even remotely straight like welcome 2 the real world jackass hercules had a fuckton of anal sex

judedeluca

People believe what they choose to.

myrtlewilson

it’s literally not a matter of belief there is literally a vase with a painting of zeus fucking his cupbearer ganymede while ganymede is holding a dildo like u can’t just not believe in thousand year old pottery