dilfweeed

Today marks 13 months of staying clean.

This is what happens when you stop doing drugs and gain a lot of healthy weight. I look incredibly sexy now but my journey to believing those words myself were not an easy one. We need to stop telling our queer family that the old me (left) looks sexy and hot because the narcissistic validation I got made me not want to stop. In those moments the positivity of feeling wanted or praised always outweighed the suicidal thoughts, the refusing to eat at days at a time, the lying to my jobs for that next fix, the deception and betrayal I acted on any chance I could get. And then I nearly lost everything

You want the real tea sis…

Have someone you love threaten to take your dog away from you, have your mom tell you that she loves you and you’re breaking her heart. Have your best friend threaten to leave your life… those are the people I relied on in moments when I couldn’t find strength to rely on myself. And it was those people that snapped me out of it. Know that if you can’t straighten up, but want to, know that you aren’t a weakling for relapsing, please know that you are a strong individual who is worthy of a life without these chains that bind us.

I’m not ashamed of my past, I’m hella proud it’s brought the life experiences it has, but there are healthier ways to cope with your demons than by using, and y’all ever need someone to lean on, hit me up. You relapse, hit me up. This isn’t a one way street, you are strong as hell, and I’ll be there for you the way I know you’ll be there for me if I ever slip. The important part to remember is you are NEVER alone.

Today marks 13 months of staying clean.

This is what happens when you stop doing drugs and gain a lot of healthy weight. I look incredibly sexy now but my journey to believing those words myself were not an easy one. We need to stop telling our queer family that the old me (left) looks sexy and hot because the narcissistic validation I got made me not want to stop. In those moments the positivity of feeling wanted or praised always outweighed the suicidal thoughts, the refusing to eat at days at a time, the lying to my jobs for that next fix, the deception and betrayal I acted on any chance I could get. And then I nearly lost everything

You want the real tea sis…

Have someone you love threaten to take your dog away from you, have your mom tell you that she loves you and you’re breaking her heart. Have your best friend threaten to leave your life… those are the people I relied on in moments when I couldn’t find strength to rely on myself. And it was those people that snapped me out of it. Know that if you can’t straighten up, but want to, know that you aren’t a weakling for relapsing, please know that you are a strong individual who is worthy of a life without these chains that bind us.

I’m not ashamed of my past, I’m hella proud it’s brought the life experiences it has, but there are healthier ways to cope with your demons than by using, and y’all ever need someone to lean on, hit me up. You relapse, hit me up. This isn’t a one way street, you are strong as hell, and I’ll be there for you the way I know you’ll be there for me if I ever slip. The important part to remember is you are NEVER alone.