it's you and me out here

if i look back, i am lost
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@staringdownabarrel
it's you and me out here

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has anyone noticed that after the porn ban of 2018 tumblr was essentially killed from the mainstream and everyone flocked to other social media sites like twitter and meta. then those sites got enshittified to where twitter became Nazi Central and meta sites had an entire meme around getting “zucced” aka mark zuckerberg himself would ban you for saying a no-no word like fuck. and then the mainstream shifted to tiktok where infamous toddlerspeak sentences like “he got unalived by a pew pew” were born because if you once again say a no-no word like kill or gun or any other word that isn’t corporate i mean kid friendly then the algorithm will bury your post into the ground. and somehow we’ve come full circle and tumblr is now the most bearable social media site because although we can’t have female presenting nipples we can at least talk to each other like adults. has anyone noticed that at all or is it just me and the flaming skull
Jadzia/Garak hookup for weirdest ds9 hookup of all time and an instant one-shot kill for baby Bashir
Even worse? Curzon/Garak on Romulus then doing it again cause Jadzia is just ~curious~.
"Wait you two...were together together?" Julian's fork clacks loudly into his tray. Even his reflexes are shot to hell as he begins to imagine it. Garak. Jadzia. Some holosession on a hot rock. All the spots and scales and big blue eyes.
"It was only once back when he was a 'gardener'." Jadzia gives him a half-hearted shrug.
"But—."
"—last week doesn't break the rules." She cuts in quick. "Though I have to say, his time as a tailor has really improved his finger dexterity...or did Curzon not give him a chance?" Jadzia's brow furrows as she takes a sip on her raktijino. Then she smiles at whatever torrid memory she located in her symbiont. "Ohh. That was different."
Julian's mouth drops. His mind swimming with old men fingers, and fingering, and holes and Jadzia. This wasn't fair. Not in the slightest.
"If you're looking for dexterity...I am a surgeon after all."
She laughs, showing him the milky column of her throat. He'd grown a much deeper appreciation for necks recently after reading more Cardassian romances. To be prepared. Ugh this was unfair.
"You're so funny, Julian."
"Like a puppy, I presume." He says bitterly.
"Almost!" She says with another chuckle before standing and clapping him on the back. The same way Commander Sisko does it. Oh Lord, now he was thinking of him in the mix of old men and Jadzia fantasy orgy. Where was he? In the imaginary cuckchair, apparently.
"Well, time for me to get back to ops. And Julian?"
"Yes?" He says in a hopeful, quick breath. He looks up at her with wide eyes, giving her a puppy-dog look. If that's what it takes, he would gladly hand her the proverbial leash.
But instead of taking it, she just smiles down at him prettily. "Go hop in the sonic before lunch is over, hm?"
wait THAT’S why my wife always says “son boy allowed” about our cat??
happy 5 years to son boy allowed
always wild seeing my kitchen decor from over seven years ago cross my dash
son boy is in second grade and loves pokémon, gravity falls, and legos!

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Tunneling upward out of the darkness where they had lain in wait for 13 years, the latest brood of Disney child stars reportedly emerged from the ground Monday, filling the air with their mindless droning.
Thousands of spunky young actors, part of the child performer population known as Brood D, were spotted bursting out of the soil en masse within the 51-acre Walt Disney Studios campus, where they wriggled through the grass on their bellies in search of a vertical surface to climb up and cling to. Earsplitting screeches were heard as the child stars frantically delivered lines from yet-to-exist scripts about surfers who were secretly werewolves, preteen mayors who could speak to animals, and triplets separated at birth and suddenly reunited at the same hip-hop boarding school.
Full Story
It may not be that deep, but I have a shovel and I will make it as deep as I want.
High key what House of Leaves is meta about
I know not what House of Leaves is but I wholeheartedly trust your comparison and I shall take it as fact!
House of Leaves is a book about a man trying to explore the inside of his new home, which proves substantially more difficult than should be possible, due to its non-Euclidean dimensions.
Except that House of Leaves is actually about a documentary about a man trying to explore the inside of his new home, which proves impossible to document properly, due to its non-Euclidean dimensions.
Except that House of Leaves is actually about an academic paper, which itself is about an alleged documentary about an alleged non-Euclidean home, but none of this can be verified.
Except that House of Leaves is just, like, this fucking stack of papers I found in this old dead guy’s apartment, and, like, I don’t even know if its his or what because like both his eyes were gone and he didn’t have any degrees or anything. I tried asking my friend from the tattoo shop about it but she was fixing up this thumper tattoo right above a girl’s pussy the whole time we were talking; like Thumper from Bambi, and I’m not gonna lie man I was pretty distracted and I just couldn’t [XXXXS XXXX XXXX. XXXX XXXX XXX X XXX XX XXXXXXX XXXXXX XX XXXX XX XXXXXX XXXX XXX]^*
———
* Editor’s Note: House of Leaves is a metatextual examination of the ability for a minor inconsistency in measurement, which might have been ignored by a normal person, to cause an all-consuming obsession spiral in the sort of person who is academically trained, obsessed with documentation, or overtly pedantic, and-
“Johnny, please, I’m your Mother; I know I have a lot to apologize for but I can’t, not unless you return my letters; are you even getting my letters? I send one every week you know, but I think that nurse keeps them from you, keeps you from getting my letters, because I know, I know my sweet Johnny would never leave his poor old mother rotting away by herself in this horrible drafty ward if he was getting his mother’s letters, would you, sweet boy? I know she’s stealing my letters from you, she’s always touching my things, even though they haven’t moved I know she’s touching them I know she keeps you from me I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know [there’s a limit to what you can know. Some folks bump up against that limit and bounce right off and keep swimming, and some folks, well. Some folks SPLAT]I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know [they just gotta keep digging away at it. Even when it’s not that deep, they just… grab a shovel and keep digging. Lord knows what motivates them. A kind of Madness I suppose. Some folks find GOD in that madness. Not much of a believer myself]I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know
I know
I know
I know
I know
I know
I know you’ll visit me for Mother’s Day, won’t you?
đź§ż
*Editor’s Note: he did not
This is my favorite tumblr post of all time
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been watching star trek voyager and when the doctor believes the crew are holograms the first thing he does is delete tom paris and he's so fucking right for doing this
lets make bad art together
i just realized that i forgot to put the word “make” in the image and i think thats fitting lets bad art together

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Whenever I am in an art slump I just draw women... and it works!!!!
So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)
Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.
So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.
But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.
It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?
So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:
Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.
And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.
So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".
So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.
I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.
Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:
My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.
Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.
Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.
Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).
Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues
(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)
ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:
According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.
Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.
For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.
So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.
Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.
Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life
Aaand a close-up:
The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace
HEY HI HELLO THIS ONE'S MY FAVORITE
via @kagaminilen
[cut to a kiosk on legs, sipping a boba, while wandering into the nearest forest on chicken legs]
Here you go @a-bit-too-dyscrasic
Oh my goodness you're my hero this is so beautiful
Holy fuck my job got fan art
hey. is this yours?
HOLY SHIT
@imadoctornotanescalator The jokes write themselves. *gestures towards Trials and Tribbleations* Kirk may be Roddenberry’s silly rabbit, but everybody wants Spock.
she’s right
that’s her. the Task Manager
Comedic post-canon Damar/Kira fic where Damar survives and he’s Cardassia’s most popular person, and Kira is Bajor’s most popular person and for diplomatic reasons they have to play act being married on a “reality show” broadly scripted to the beats of an I Love Lucy-style sitcom where Kira poisons Damar’s dinner because he’s been taking too long negotiating a trade deal with Bajor for grain (cue laugh track), and Damar “forgets” to invite the Kai to Kira’s gratitude festival celebration because one time the Kai accused his pet riding hound of having bad breath. It’s wildly popular and people think it’s real. Meanwhile, Kira and Damar’s relationship is still as contentious as it was pre-rebellion, they have little in common and have no romantic interest in each other despite having worked together effectively during the Cardassian rebellion and being incredibly effective in their real jobs where they do work together. But the fiction of them being a happily married couple is so beloved by both Cardassians and Bajorans that they’re forced to keep up the front for the respective good of their homeworlds.
@erodan’s tags:
#fuck this is so funny#i think they should also attempt to have one (1) real date or something#because at a certain point they both have the thought that it would be easier if they were in some stupid relationship for real#and it goes predictably bad#ds9
You know this is a good variation. Rather than 0% romantic interest, let’s say there’s some mutual sexual chemistry, but the minute they contemplate an honest-to-goodness romantic relationship they realize they are not compatible. The 24th century version of the paparazzi spies on them during one of their dates, and of course they’re fighting because the date is Not Going Well but the Cardassian press is delighted and in the next day’s headlines they crow about how Damar and Kira still bicker like a couple of newlyweds complete with images of Kira flipping him off in two languages.

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round and around