Lilo || masterpost || current obsession: Star Wars longfics || I'm in my twenties, a queer feminist, on tumblr since 2012 and this blog is about me, life, music, politics, badass ladies, my main fandoms The Old Guard, LotR, Good Omens, Gunpowder Milkshake, Star Trek and other Sci-Fi, EUReKA, Warehouse 13, Doctor Who and everything else I like or don't like ;) I'm lilolilyrae on another tumblr, instagram and ao3, let me know when you're coming from tumblr and what your url is/was here when you find me on the other sites! :) || this is not an sfw blog! If you are under 18 or just don't want to see that kind of content, block the tags 'smut' and 'horny on main' or don't follow this blog.
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She's nice and objectively very beautiful, but that's where it ends. His last failed date was at least into baseball - something they could pass the time with after realizing they weren't gonna be A Thing. But tonight...Christ.
They also wonāt be A Thing, only itās obvious in less of a 'haha oh well - anyway did you catch that save in the fifth inning' way and more of a '...........' way, on account of the fact that Shane's blasted through all his prepared talking points, and now has nothing to do but notice all the other elements of the evening that continue to taunt him.
The soup is a weird consistency. The little candle at their table snuffed out fifteen minutes ago, sitting dead beside the clump of lettuce he somehow managed to drop between the bowl and his plate. There's a tiny bit of brussels sprout caught between his lower back molars that's driving him fucking crazy, refusing to be dislodged by each subtle poke of his tongue.
And he thinks, maybe, that he wouldn't care so much about this trainwreck of an evening if he didnāt feel like itās being broadcast to the rest of the restaurant. Not that people are watching, really. Just one. Just the mean looking security guy who's posted up on the back wall, keeping an eye on the room with an easy, almost bored gaze that somehow keeps landing at Shane's table.
Or...well...less Shane's table, and more just Shane himself.
The restaurant is drenched in dim mood lighting, so he can't be positive it's a look of pity this guy's giving him. But realistically, he's not sure what else it could be. Shane's blowing it, after all. Hard. This whole thing has turned into some sort of lowkey humiliation ritual, each pass of the guy's attention over him causing heat to crawl up the back of his neck.
Whatever. They're about halfway done with their entrees. And he's willing to bet she won't be taking the dessert menu when it comes around, which is fine by him. Theyāre in the home stretch.
Shane wipes his mouth with the weirdly scratchy cloth napkin. Pokes his tongue at his lower molars as he goes for his glass of wine. Can't help but flick his attention over to the back wall, warmth settling in his belly as he takes in, not for the first time, how that black uniform shirt snugly stretches over a tight chest, sleeves clinging around big biceps. Security guy works out. Obviously. He's a fucking security guy. And he's looking right at Shane again, just close enough to catch how his eyes dip down the front of Shane's dress shirt and then back up.
It's got something fluttering in Shane's chest as he pulls his gaze away, bringing his wine glass right back up before he can set it down again. Right. Okay.
"Are you nearby?"
Theyāre the first words out of his date's mouth in what feels like twenty minutes, and to be quite fucking honest it throws Shane, his brow pinching in light confusion.
"Sorry?" Such a hot thing to say. He couldn't be nailing this more, could he?
"Your place..." she says again, and there's this insistence in it that finally gets the cobwebbed wheels turning, "is it close?"
Shane blinks.
Schools a quick lift of his eyebrows before they can fly up.
Oh.
She thinks-...
"Uh..." Right, right right. "Yeah, about...half hour maybe?"
So, no.
That doesn't seem to deter her. She simply nods, then goes back to eavesdropping on the date that's going much better at the table behind her.
Theyāre laughing it up back there. Clinking their glasses. Thereās lots to laugh about here too, but itād be in a pathetic way that he just canāt get himself to concede to yet. So, Shane tops off his dateās glass. Eats his salmon. Shakes off the little flutter of interest that skips from his chest down into his lap as he once again catches eyes with security guy, who seems to be finding this all very entertaining. Doesnāt seem mean at all, actually. The more Shane looks. The more he looks back.
More wine. Theyāre finishing the bottle. His date thanks him and is, to her credit, being very cool about how the metaphorical candle has clearly snuffed out between them before their meal is even done. Now they just need to get on the same page about metaphorical dessert.
Shane takes a gigantic swig, letting it sit in his mouth for a second before gulping it down - warm, warm, warm in his belly.
She thinks heās gonna take her home and fuck her.
Maybe he should. To make it up to her.
Except Shane hasnāt been hitting any homeruns on those lately either, has he?
Fuck.
The bottom of his wine glass clatters loudly against the edge of his plate as he sets it down too rough, movements suddenly unsteady. It pulls attention from all around, because of course it does. Everyone look at the idiot who can't hold his alcohol.
What a nightmare. Security guy must be fucking loving this one.
But when he glances over, the wall is empty. No silent, teasing eyes. No intriguing presence. No muscles, thick and sturdy and big enough that Shane could really put up a-
āBe back.ā
In a single blink, his date has pulled herself up from the booth and made her way towards the bathroom, already digging into her purse without looking back.
Right. Actually, a break to reset sounds better than any dessert they could offer him here. So, with a little nod to inform their server that heāll be back too, he gathers himself and steps away from the table.
It's not until the cool October breeze washes over Shane's face that he realizes how warm he was getting.
Probably from the wine.
And the embarrassment.
And the impending doom settling in his guts, another realization not too far behind.
Whatever, he decides, using the privacy to slip a finger into his mouth and finally free his molars of the offensive feeling - thank god. Stupid brussels sprouts. They weren't even cooked right.
It's dark around the back of the restaurant. Nice and quiet too, tucked away from the busy road out front. Shane takes in the moment with a grounding tip of his head toward the moon with his eyes closed. Deep breath. Hold it. Don't think about why all his dates with women have been absolute dogshit. Aaaaand release.
Only when he breathes out, it's not alone.
He breathes out, and it's paired, horrifyingly, with a gentle huff of laughter from further down the building. The smell of fresh cigarette smoke.
Holy shit, heās not alone.
Shane attempts to settle the startle in his heart, but it's no use when he turns to see the figure leaning up against the brick wall, those familiar eyes now watching him in the cool moonlight.
"Jesus Christ..." It slips out. Just on the end of Shane's breath. And suddenly he could really use another cool breeze for his face.
Because the security guy is as imposing as he was inside, simply trading moody burgundy for darkened brick. But his face is softer up close. Sweeter, somehow. And very, very handsome.
Shane tears his gaze away the second those lips curl into a teasing grin, shaking his head. All that red wine is really doing a number on him.
āWhen is big day?ā
Oh god, his voice is deep.
Shaneās gotta get it together. And yet, itās impossible to keep from being drawn right back into that grin, even as he seeks clarification. āBig day?ā
āMm, your wedding,ā he says, nodding casually back inside without looking away. āLove at first sight, yes?ā
It's...
Okay, so he really is an asshole. And whatās that accent? Russian?
Shane hangs his head, but can't hold back the breathy chuckle that falls from him. No use in denying it, he guesses. Especially when he kinda wants to hear this guy talk to him some more. "Really funny stuff, man..."
"Mm."
"Wonāt haveta worry about a wedding gift, at least."
"Oh, no? You were doing so well."
Something weirdly giddy flips through Shane's chest as he straightens to throw the security guy a look. Because now that it's just the two of them, he's out here openly fucking with him. And Shane knows that. So why is it making his body light up from head to toe?
It's the wine probably. Sweet red historically gets him acting stupid. Or maybe it's the way the guy holds Shane so comfortably in his attention, as he draws his cigarette up to his lips to take a lazy drag.
Shane swallows. Wets his bottom lip. Pulls his heavy gaze up from the glowing tip to meet those intriguing, sparkling eyes as smoke fills the air between them.
Wow.
"I uh-... I'm usually...better..." he hears himself say. The short noise of curiosity floating on the smokeās coattails prompts him to clarify. "I like-...you know...have game."
It's not a lie. And yet Shane has somehow never felt more stupid than he does in this moment, the need to clarify to this man that he's not actually a loser suddenly very very important to him.
Which is why his body doesn't know what the fuck to do when it's getting hit by that smile again. That tease. The sweetly shitty headnod he gets as the guy gives him a little "Mm...okay."
Oh god Shane wants... Much more than he wanted when he was sitting across from his literal date. "Alright, fuck you..."
It shouldn't be this easy. He shouldn't be smiling so big with a stranger. Playing so much.
He should go inside. Capitalize on this feeling and use it to turn his date around.
Or he could stay right here, feet planted to the asphalt, acknowledging the wanting tug of his own body.
If he moves right now, itās not gonna be in the direction of the door.
āWhat is your name.ā
Shane swallows, nostrils flailing with a big breath in. āShaneā¦?ā He watches, with another one of those flutters under his rib cage, as his answer seems to satisfy. And before he can stop himself he hears it - from his own mouth - each word clung with the worst Russian accent possible. āWhat ees your name?ā
Oh god what the fuck. Heās never touching red wine again.
Not even the genuine grin curling across those tempting lips can make up for the embarrassment - the laughter. āWow. This is your best try?ā
āNo,ā Shane insists over a scowl. And to be honest he doesnāt even know what heās answering. His best accent? No. His best attempt at flirting? Also no.
Wait a minute. Is he flirting?
āIām-⦠I should go back. ā¦inside.ā Never mind how somethingās kicking and screaming in him at the thought. Never mind how he stays exactly where he stands.
A concept not lost on security guy. Who never did actually give him his name, by the way. āOkay, Shane.ā
Itās noticeably kinder than he could be. Heās still teasing, obviously, but he says nothing about his date. No predictions on how the rest of his night will go. He just brings his cigarette up to his lips, pulling in a hit that hollows his cheeks in the dark as he keeps their eye contact.
Itās the first time Shaneās ever craved nicotine.
He needs to go inside bad.
With a huff, he pulls his phone out of his pocket. Half past eight. He has no idea how long heās been out here. Only that itās too long when heās got someone waiting at the table for him. So they can pay. So they can leave. So they can-ā¦
Shane shifts uncomfortably, jaw squaring. And heās not exactly sure how he lets it slip out, but it does all the same, the question far too genuine for the situation. āHow do I tell her Iām not gonna fuck her?ā
Itās the setup of a lifetime. The perfect pitch for a grand slam. And yet the man in front of him doesnāt swing.
No. Instead, he keeps Shane in his sights, eyes roaming up and down the blush hopefully hidden by the shadows back here. And then he answers. āSimple. You tell her you are fucking someone else tonight.ā
Shane can feel the exact moment his stuttery little heart sinks from his chest to his dick - to his voice, quiet but undeniably curious. āSomeone elseā¦?ā
Because the atmosphere rushes forward with the guy, adrenaline spiking in his core as his phone is slipped out of his hand.
Shane watches him thumb something in with breaths that wonāt fill his lungs. Swallows down whateverās trying to fight its way out of his mouth right now, before it can shatter the tension and ruin the moment.
And when his phone is being handed back to him, Shaneās heart is fucking pounding, eyes hungrily taking in whatās been left on his screen.
A phone number. And a name.
Ilya.
He shoots his attention back up, but itās too late. Security guy is making his way to the back door, snuffing out his cigarette on the brick.
Chatter and light and clinking glasses seep into the dark, easy vibe theyāve made themselves back here as he opens the door. A break in the trance. A pop of the bubble.
Shane pulls in a breath again, lungs burning.
And then Ilya tosses him a wink, voice low, āSee you soon.ā
The door shuts behind him.
Everything grows dark and still again.
Andā¦
Shane blinks, tossing glances to the right and left of him in borderline shock because what the fuck. What just happened to him? That was all real?
Thereās a very good chance the brussels sprouts actually killed him and theyāre trying to resuscitate his lifeless body in the booth right now, his date long gone. Butā¦
Another gust of October breezeā¦
Excitement, potent and real in a way he hasnāt felt for a long time nowā¦
A smile works its way across Shaneās lips as he double-checks the number on his screen, and then he pockets his phone, inspired to make his way back inside to-
All movement stops for a moment as he looks down at himself. Or, more specifically, the front of his pants.
Oh.
ā¦wow.
Okay, a few more minutes and then heāll go back inside.
Shane is extremely reliant on routine but, unlike most hockey players, it's not due to any type of superstition (with the notable exception of left skate first). His dependancy on routine is largely structured around the elimination of choice. He wakes up at the same time every day and he runs the same route. He has different routines based around different practice times but they're all solid. He has the same snack prior to practice. He has the same few meals on rotation. He has set nap times, structured around practice times. He has specific game day suits for each day of the week, with a dedicated pairing of a shirt and tie - providing enough variety to placate the media without having to waste time putting together an outfit. He has a mental list of what notes to hit in his captain speeches based on circumstances and he has set answers for frequent media questions. All of this serves to conserve mental power. Making choices, outside of hockey, takes a lot out of him and so any unexpected decision making detracts from the mental faculties he can dedicate towards the game.
When he moves in with Ilya, his routines are disrupted. Hayden is absolutely shocked when he finds out that Shane is apparently no longer consuming the same thing prior to practice every day. He worries that Shane is silently freaking out over Ilya disrupting his routine but, honestly, Shane's never been happier. Because Ilya takes on the entirety of the mental load of making the decisions.
Sure, he's having different snacks prior to practice but that's because Ilya craves variety so he decides what they're having each day. His nap times are no longer rigidly structured because Ilya will come collect him and snuggle up to him when he wants to nap. He doesn't have to worry about game day suits because Ilya likes picking out his outfit and laying it on the bed for him. He gets to conserve his brainpower for hockey while effortlessly adjusting his routine to fit Ilya's rhythm. And he absolutely loves it.
i knew they were strapped for runtime but i will forever mourn the loss of āif you mix that with cranberry juice, I will drown you in the lakeā from the cottage episode
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After the Fanmail outing, the next time Ottawa plays in New York, the Kingfisher hosts a "Ilya Rozanov" night.
All the Centaurs go with Ilya and get to hear all these stories now pieced together by the guys.
It's like all the guys are competing to see who can get a blush out of Rozanov.
Scott talks about how Ilya was the only non-Admiral to show up at Scott Hunter Night and show support (even if Scott was confused about the motivations then).
Eric talks about how Ilya called him and Kyle out on their feelings.
Ryan (who drove down with Fabian just for this - no, they did not fly), takes a moment from staring at Fabian who offered to be the performer for the night- and mentions how Ilya helped him out of a dark place.
Troy joins in and shares how Ilya helped him to come out.
And it's just this huge realization of what Ilya was doing for all of them while having to stay closeted himself, and the Centaurs, who already love their captain, just having more proof of what an amazing guy he is.
Sick sick sick of possibility of being fucking recorded every waking second by tiktok obsessed quasi celebs. Video titled something like "Caught him thinking he's the main character" but it was just a kid wearing headphones, looking out the bus window. Of course it was posted without his knowledge. Stop recording strangers and everything you see, nobody gives a shit and not everyone is happy to be on tiktok or youtube because of a moron with no braincells and an account. What could be a forgettable awkward moment is now permanently there for the victim of lackabrainis infested idiot to get anxious about forever.
Okay, this seems like a relevant thing to share today: I've been in this position. Back in college while on that student lifestyle, I somehow ended up with a pretty bad iron deficiency. How bad? I was not only sleeping too much, I was falling asleep everywhere -- in class, in the library, in cafes five minutes after drinking coffee. It was terrible. Anyway, during a class I enjoyed, I was sat at a table with a few classmates, and I started falling asleep while taking notes; nodding off, dropping my pen, startling awake and falling asleep again, until my head was on the table. No one seemed to mind, we were all going through it I guess, and my lecturer was nice enough not to make a big deal out of it.
Cut to the next day and I was in the Students Union, when a friend came up to me and told me how funny that video was of me falling asleep in class was. What? I asked her about it, what did she mean, who made the video, and she realised I literally had no clue about it. Kindly, she told me who to talk to and I thanked her. I was already upset, but I knew it wasn't the messenger's fault. So, I took to Facebook and messaged the girl who made the video -- a girl on my table in the class from before. I asked her about it, and she admitted it right away -- she took the video on her phone during class and posted it to her snapchat. That's how the other girl saw it, not to mention countless others.
Sorting this out was an absolute toil. I felt betrayed and violated that someone would do that while I was obviously not in a position to have any say about it. I lost friendships with the people who took the girl's side, as if it was no big deal or "funny". I had to tell the lecturer about it, because let's face it, that's a shit thing to allow to happen during class itself, the department moved to be more alert and proactive about restricting phone use in class, and all that girl had to do was give a half-hearted apology. The next semester, she was still openly using her phone in another class we had.
For a long time, I couldn't trust anyone who held their phone up around me, as if to take photos or video. It would make me so anxious and put me on edge. I never did speak to the people who cosigned her behaviour, who acted like it wasn't their problem that their bff video-recorded a person in class over their health condition without their consent.
I did eventually grow out of my anxiety around phones, and I resisted the urge to break that girl's phone, but, I will absolutely bring back that energy if I see someone record a stranger in public without their consent. Take it from someone who's been that target -- if you think it's okay, you deserve to get your shit wrecked.
I just want to add, in case anyone reads this and isn't sure -- yes, it is absolutely fine to reblog this, and in fact I encourage you to. If testimony from a former target of this behaviour is the one thing that makes it click for anyone thinking of doing it, if it makes them reconsider before potentially ruining a stranger's life, then my experience will be worth it for me.
Don't record strangers and put that shit on the Internet or social media without their consent.
I think it would be hilarious if Ilya finds out that questions are not just a Shane Thing, but a Hollander Thing.
We see this with Davidās inquisition about youtube and Yunaās various questions to both of them throughout dinner.
The vast majority of Ilyaās family conversations have been silence or statements met with a yes or no.
So he really gets thrown in the deep end with three Hollanders who all seem to communicate through endless questions.
He also learns they get very excited to be asked questions. āDavid, how did the offices summer party go? David, why did you re-uh-reupholster the boat?ā or āYuna, do you think Pittsburgh will make playoffs? Sveta does, but⦠Yuna, how did you get the surround-sound quality so good?ā
Itās a little overwhelming at first but heās so happy to learn how to be part of his family.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming