talk fanfic to me

Quark happily rubs his hands, looking over the new display of "authentic aldebaran whiskey - the real stuff, no synthenol!"

"What is this?!" Odo's voice rudely interrupts his appreciation for his newest acquisition.

Quark quickly turns around, standing between the signage and his adversary. Odo just looks even more suspicious. Ugh, he shouldn't have acted squirrelly, the mall cop can probably smell his fear! Not that he's afraid, or anything. He's a honest-ish businessman with a great sense for profit, what's there to be afraid of? Still, Odo can probably tell that something's off with the bottled-on-Aldebar whiskey by smelling Quark's unease about this situation. Metaphorically, anyway. Or maybe he really can? Quark isn't entirely sure.

"What is what? Nothing is up, my friend, only the highest and -"

"I've gotten seven complaints about the takeaway grill boxes only being half full today," Odo interrupts him. "Did you run out of grubs, or is this another one of your schemes?"

"Schemes? No, there are no schemes! And how dare you suggest I would run out of anything, I am a perfectly respectable businessman and capable of arranging for new shipments whenever my loyal customers -"

"Get to the point if you don't want to spend the night in a cell."

Wow, he really isn't letting him finish a single sentence today, is he? Alright then. "Saying they are only half full is a gross exaggeration, they are filled only 20% less now," and before that, he had already lowered it another ten percent of the original filling level, which had gone unnoticed - well, looks like he found the limit of where the customers stop being happy with the serving sizes, or gone over it at least now he just has to see where to find that perfect sweet spot of maximum profit without inciting a riot - but of course he's not going to tell Odo any of that.

"...and that is because market research has shown the average serving size needs to be adjusted! It is my right to adjust serving sizes however I see fit, how dare you call it a scheme/, I am -"

"Sounds like a scheme to me!"

"Yes, you can't put less in the same package you've always used, keep the same prize, and expect people not to be pissed when they suddenly don't get the food they paid for."

Quark suppresses a squeak. How did major Kira even show up so quickly? It's kind of flattering to think that they need backup to deal with him, but on the other hand he could do without being cornered by double the security.

"Hello there, major! Thank you for paying a visit to my fine establishment, could I interest you in some-"

"If you want to do both of us a favor, you will properly mark the takeout boxes to show how much's in them so we won't keep getting overrun with complaints," Kira snaps.

Offended, Quark squares his shoulders. "I know you are not familiar with the process of running a business, but -" he is not able to finish that sentence, either.

"Quark. Either put more food in the containers again, or mark them clearly with the lower filling volume." Odo slaps a roll of plain white stickers onto the counter next to him. Some of Quark's own prize-adjustment stickers, actually. (Well, prize-raising stickers might be the more accurate term - unless he starts off a new product with an outrageously high prize for as long as he can get away with it until someone figures out how cheap it can be imported or whatnot...) How did Odo even get them?

"Quark!" Kira sounds rather impatient with him already, honestly, shouldn't these officers of the law show a bit of grace?

"Fine, fine, I will increase the serving sizes again," Quark huffs and puts the stickers back behind the bar where they belong. Honestly, as if he would ever disclose something the customer won't like about the product, right on the packaging! That's economic suicide.

"Increase it back to how it was before!" Kira tries to make sure he won't weasle his way out of their demands.

"Yes, yes." back to the previous ten-percent decrease, anyway. He might have done so anyway - he'll have to wait a while and then lower the amount in slower increments next time to really figure out at what point people will start noticing. And maybe the next shipment of takeout containers can be just a small, unnoticeable bit smaller, as well...

Quark hopes Kira and Odo won't ask how long he plans to keep the increased amount of product for. It looks like he gets his wish this time - after another jab from Kira and a suspicious look at the whiskey shelf from Odo, they make their way out of the bar (& grill, & gaming house & holosuite arcade, can't forget the full title with all the perks of the establishment), leaving Quark to slump against the bar for a moment before he gets back to work, shouting at Rom not to laze about when there are customers at a table ready to be served or talked into getting another drink!

Now, he just has to see about hiding the paperwork that shows where the cheap cardassian whiskey mix has been shipped around the galaxy to be bottled and labeled on a lesser known moon technically in the Aldebara system... It's not illegal to label them as aldebaran, he checked, but he's pretty sure that wouldn't stop Kira nor Odo from kicking up a stink about it if they figured it out!