just vibbing

wheres seasons greasons

its that time of year again

It doesn’t have to be

its not optional

Hello, we’re big computer company. We are truly grateful for your support! Our latest update will add a giant shit in the middle of your screen. You cannot remove it.

I used to get really bad nose bleeds but sometimes could feel when they were starting. One day in middle school this guy in geography class wouldn’t shut the fuck up about that conspiracy theory that Delaware doesn’t exist, so when I felt one coming on I loudly interrupted the rant our teacher was inexplicably allowing to derail the class by saying “if you don’t stop I’m gonna have an aneurism!” The guy of course just kept going so a second later a small torrent of blood gushed out of my head and, being a dramatic bitch, I collapsed face down onto my desk into a nice little puddle of blood. Anyway apparently outside of intense Roman Senate-esque debates, these stunts apparently induce panic attacks in educators and end up with you getting lectured about how traumatizing it is for your classmates when you “fake your death for dramatic effect”

I believe this falls into the "I don't think people should be punished for objectively funny crimes" category.

Ok J.K. Rowling

The black mold contributes to brain fog and respiratory problems, being a transphobe comes from within. Do not blame the black mold for her behavior.

using gluten-free potato flour, chickpea water, artificial sweetener, lactose-free milk, and that ‘cant believe it’s not butter’ shit to make what scientists are calling “improbable cake”

this sounds improbable. can i have a slice?

unlikely

So does it really exist? Or is it a lie??

Two things can be real.

Please do not continue to question the probability of my statistically aberrant cake

Catholics were boycotting tumblr, so the CEO tried to appease them by declaring the first Tuesday of every month Official Jesus Tuesday. During that day, the dashboard layout temporarily changed so all the posts were surrounded by pictures of muscular naked Jesus.

And with your help we can make this possible

a guy shoots at me with a sniper rifle and I catch the bullet in my teeth and eat it, but he saw that coming and put poison in the bullet, but I saw that coming and drank an antidote ahead of time, but all those weird chemicals still give me a really bad kidney stone a few days later and I pass out from pain and crash my car into, by pure coincidence, the sniper

a party of adventurers that are all equally convinced that they are in completely different forms of media

the mage keeps giving smug glances in the direction they assume a camera is in. the fighter keeps getting indignant about missing attacks because of "bad dice rolls." the rogue is doubtful that a villain is gone for good because "nobody ever stays dead in comics." the paladin attributes fortune to "good rng." none of them have even considered that "tumblr post" was an option

when he says "ahwooo" it's scary because you think the werewolves are nearby. but then he says "the werewolves of london" and you think oh.. i'm not in london. but then you remember they could travel

This post might have been what got my blog deleted lmao

Yes. Quite easily so. You see, making deals with the Fae is down to very specific word choices. They shot themselves in the foot with their own words here while making this deal, even though they thought their word choice was so very, very clever. The Fae specifically uses the word “glass”. This, in turn, limits the person that agrees to the deal to the “hit your front teeth on the first try every time” to only be hitting their teeth on the first try every time if they drink out of a glass. If the person decides to drink out of a container that isn’t made out of glass, like, say for example… A paper cup. Or a soda can. A plastic bottle. Styrofoam cup. Yeti Tumbler. Their own hand. A bowl. Who knows, a person can get hella creative when they realize there are ways to get around the rules without actually breaking them. So. A Fae being stands before me, and offers me this deal. I smile, wide and unassuming, offer my hand to shake. “I accept this deal and all of it’s terms unconditionally.”

I was in a swing accident as a child and lost my front teeth, the ones in my head are implants. That glass is gonna WORK to hit some Mound of medical waste in Tacoma, Washington

Also like. It says lift a glass. What if you leave it on the table and use a straw? I feel like that’s a work-around if you’re like at a fancier restaurant that only uses glasses too. Which you might be a lot if you’re getting $1000 a day.

its the fae, being a pedantic little bitch is part of the game :)

yay!!!