there's room in this line of work for hope, too

I guess I must have amazing taste because somehow everything that I like are things that I enjoy

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

happy pride month to this post specifically

ilya promising children cash if they win knowing he's gonna let them win and then asking shane for money because he doesn't have his wallet. he wasn't even an annoying husband yet but he was letting shane know his potential

it is of course always annoying to find out that thing everyone was saying helps actually helps. alas.

been going for walks in the morning when I get up again and fuck. I do feel good.

i think a consistent bit well into their marriage is that shane is really respectful of the cba and players association and ilya will not stop calling him a communist whenever it comes up and shane gets so annoyed every time. ilya i am not a communist. ilya. ilya i think water should be privatized stop telling people i’m a communist.

shane hollander in the long game is kind of theee most relatable and sympathetic character to me tbh. like imagine spending your whole career doing brand deals to make more and more and more money and then you build an entire cottage with that money to make a sanctuary for you and the man you love, so that he can tell you he loves you in a safe place, and you give him a plan for the next 20 years of your lives as a gift to show how much you love him and then he stops wanting the plan and wants to change it things but doesn’t tell you so a resentment builds that you can’t stop and aren’t sure how it started because you’re autistic. imagine winning two stanley cups in a row for your team and being godfather to your teammate’s children and pushing yourself every day to be the best hockey player in the league to make yourself inscrutable in the eyes of literally anyone only to have your team turn on you and say they don’t trust you anymore and completely ostracize you over the one thing you kept secret out of fear of that exact ostracization so they’re basically realizing your worst fears. imagine bending over backwards your entire life to make sure that you’re the best at what you do because you sincerely believe that if you’re perfect enough then they can’t judge you for being gay or judge the man you love because how can you argue against perfection? only to realize that the sport you adore and have put your whole life force into could mean absolutely nothing to the people in charge of iy an instant if it meant their profits would drop or if it supported people like you. and on top of that the love of your life is depressed and you’re terrified for him and also confused because he’s angry even though all of this was for him even if it’s not what he wants anymore. and you’re trying desperately to fix everything for everyone only to be met with things that can’t be fixed and so you panic and everything starts slipping through your fingers and you’re not doing or saying the right things and you can’t stop it. and also you have a man bun.

"that’s not actually Crown’s boyfriend, Nona, it’s her sister, but I don’t think anyone could blame you for getting confused" is a wild line and it's describes their whole t h i n g with terrifying accuracy but the best part is how everything becomes even worse after