IS IT TOO LATE TO BE GOOD?

Buying baby shoes hoping I’ll have a gay baby but he comes out and he’s straight so I tearfully box up all my baby sized crop tops and extra gentle hypoallergenic mascara for goodwill

defending the cringe pop culture attempts at slang in tvl by proposing it’ll be a nice time capsule 25 years from now when we’re rewatching and i turn to my partner and say Babe aww they just said “Cheugy” remember that 2 month span where people said that? oh look they said Labubu remember that singular month when people were buying those? and the life-size scarecrow in bed next to me that i’ve stitched to look like hudson williams doesn’t say anything because its mouth is fabric

i think more final girls should be forty and kind of weird and off-putting

getting home from my job at the tick factory and throwing all my clothes on my bed #tickbed

I just found a tick in my bed so I do actually need to kill myself