âWe need you out of retirement for one last job.â âWho?â âNot who, but where. The Olympics, in France. Youâve always been our best shooter.â

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@sketchstress
âWe need you out of retirement for one last job.â âWho?â âNot who, but where. The Olympics, in France. Youâve always been our best shooter.â

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context (via @mellorocket)
doubly funny that I saw a compilation of all the corporate accounts like "aw thanks elmo, we're doing well" meanwhile all the flesh and blood real human people are extremely not okay
Okay but Elmo had actually the best and sweetest response to all this trauma dumping:
And then all the other Sesame Street character accounts joined in:
And now Iâm thinking maybe weâre gonna be okay⌠đ
(Comment compilation from this Twitter)
I kinda feel for the poor person running Elmo's Twitter.
"So, boss... I may have messed up."
"What did you do, Ray?"
"Well, I made a post for Elmo saying 'Hi, how's everybody doing?'"
"I mean, that's kind of what we pay you for."
"Yeah, but.... <sigh> it turns out pretty much everyone is hanging on by a thread, badly enough that they needed to tell Elmo."
"Oh."
"God help me, boss, I think Elmo needs to be there for them."
"Get the others."
this is the energy that jim henson would be proud of.
and important addition
Source: instagram
if the muppet show was still airing chappell roan would guest star and thered be a running bit of miss piggy thinking shes trying to steal kermit but shes actually trying to flirt with miss piggy the whole time
they lock eyes while shes performing good luck babe and miss piggy is visibly considering it
if i see one more article, post, or news anchor talking about how joe biden is old, i'm putting my fist through a window. i feel like i've gone through the fucking looking glass.
this is project 2025, trump's plan for what he'll do if elected. whatever you think is in there, it's worse. watch a breakdown of the highlights here. this man wants to unravel the fabric of our democracy for good - this all aside from his vitriolic hatred of poc, his determination to start ww3, and the fact that he can't string a sentence together without telling outrageous and easily verifiable lies. his administration will start their crusade to exterminate trans people on day one, and they won't stop there.
do not talk to me about how joe biden is old, as if that could ever matter to me more than my life or the lives of my friends and family. my little sister is 14, she's trans, and i don't know what to tell her when we talk about politics, because one of these people wants her dead and the other one is old and some of you are still acting like those problems are equals.
i can't fucking stand this. i'm not hearing it this time, we are not repeating 2016. refusing to vote is not an act of protest, it is an act of complacency, and our most vulnerable will suffer for your negligence. vote like your life depends on it, because for some of us, it really fucking does.
It's honestly frustrating hearing people talk about how Biden isn't the candidate for the job as if we have another option to pick besides that isn't Trump. And the lack of emphasis on how abhorrent Trump's behavior was on the debate is disturbing. I would rather an old man that should retire over a man that wants people dead.
I will keep saying this: Biden's age is a non issue? Why? A little office called the Vice President
That's the thing with presidential elections, you're not just voting in one guy, you're also voting in the first person who will succeed them and the cabinet they picked to administer the government
and by the way, Biden's cabinet is one of the most experienced, capable, and progressive we've ever had
Trump's will be the complete opposite I assure you

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man so that debate huh
me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit
mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters
me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: IâM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU
Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?
decay exists as an extant form of life
Thatâs a terrifying answer, have a nice day
THE ORIGINAL?!?!!!!!!!!;!!!!!!!!???
I recently looked into the history of Hawaiian/Aloha shirts. Turns out the first ones were made by Japanese immigrants using Kimono Fabric. They've evolved since then, but I personally think it explains a lot.
đ đ [id in alt]
thank you scherz et al. for bringing us the frogs Mini ature, Mini mum and of course, the Mini scule

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Bill and Ben | Tom Cardy
punchlines that take me out like a fucking sniper
you make me want to draw again
here you go! this is also for my future self.
Shrek 2 + favorite pop culture references
Why does this work for this movie where it fails with most others?
Because Shrek is, at its core, a parody.
It isnât a silly film making pop-culture references. Itâs a *parody* film making a *parody* of pop-culture.
Since most of the references are pretty solidly âclassicâ or at the very least extremely memorable moments in cinema, over multiple decades of time, they resonate really well even with modern audiences.
It also (crucially, at least in my opinion) doesnât kill the scene if you donât know whatâs being referenced. Puss reaching back for his hat before the door closes is still funny if you havenât seen Indie do it. Pinocchio using his strings to lower himself carefully downwards that way is genuinely clever regardless of the Mission Impossible parody. The fact that the furniture is dancing with Fairy Godmother serves to further highlight her character and role whether or not you connect it to Beauty and the Beast. The references serve to enhance the scenes theyâre in when you recognize, not to leave you behind if you donât.
cr: çžĺčąĺ¤Ž
Iâm out here buying tshirts and pants like a chump while some people are just wearing the worldâs best rectangles
Pre-manufacturing cultures will really be like, here is the most elegant and gorgeous outfit you can imagine, and itâs achieved entirely with rectangles, ropes, and pins.
Over and over again, across the world, in cultures that never even knew of each othersâ existences. Just, rectangles, knots, and pins. And I love that for them.

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ykno the thing about poetry is that 99% of it is bullshit and the other 1% will cut you like a material knife, and for every person that 1% is a different section of the whole. this is probably true about all art.
@sashayed these tags feeling pretty materially knifey for me
Ilia fucking Malininâs world record breaking free skate
Oh my God every bit of this is wild
-when he does the first big jump the announcers start screaming. I don't understand enough of what I'm looking at to get what about this is breaking records but the announcers screaming was a pretty big clue
-He's dancing to music from Succession????? I don't recognize all of it but some of it is definitely the theme from Succession. At one point the audience claps along to the music. And I'm not sure if it's out of support for the skater or because they like the song đ¤Ł
-when he finishes he just lays down on the ice incredible
THAT'S MY BOY!!! I SKATE AT HIS RINK!!!
That first big jump is a Quadruple Axel. It's 4.5 rotations in the air (you take off forwards rather than backwards, which is the extra half rotation). Nobody else in the world can do this jump it's so hard. He is the first and only person to ever land it cleanly, much less consistently. He had to land it cleanly here to have any hope of winning the World Champion title.
Yes, he's skating to music from Succession! The audience is clapping in support because he was doing so well (also because it was hosted in Montreal and the audience was very supportive of all the skaters that evening).
He lays down on the ice because he just broke multiple world records. He landed all 6 types of quadruple jumps cleanly, which no one has ever done at all (again, because he's the only one that can do the quad Axel), much less in a single program like this. This was an insane feat of athletic ability! If you go watch the other guys who competed against him, Yuma Kagiyama was in second place by 20 fucking points, and Yuma skated with no falls. This is Micheal Phelps / Katie Ledecky levels of smashing the competition (sorry the only other sport I know is swimming).
Some other notes for everyone:
Ilia listed that first jump as a Triple Axel on the sheet you give to the judges, meaning that he wasn't committed to doing the Quad Axel. (Technically you're not committed to anything on the sheet but it's generally your "plan" for the program.) He also doesn't do a quad axel in the 6-minute warmup beforehand when he does go and do it in the program, so it was a complete toss-up as to whether he was going to go for it. It's incredible that he manages to land the jump so perfectly without warming it up first!
He was 3rd coming into this skate from the previous short program. (All skating competitions require you to skate 2 different programs, 1 short and 1 long.) In order to win the title, he was going to have to skate without any falls, especially because his one strong point is his jumps and other skaters are stronger in other areas. There are many, many skaters who fall on their quad jumps, even when they're just doing one. It is so fucking hard to do even one of the 6 types of quad jumps. And he just does all 6! In one program! Insanity!
He did a 4 Lutz - 3 Flip at the halfway point of his program. Almost no one puts a Flip on the end of their combos, it'll usually be a Salchow instead because it's much easier. The only other skater I can think of to put a Flip on the end of a combo is Shoma Uno (who was also at these championships but didn't have a good skate).
His last jumping pass was a combo that was supposed to be a 3 Lutz - 2 Axel. He decided, in the moment, to change the 2 Axel to a 3 Axel. Nobody else has ever attempted this, much less succeeded. It is orders of magnitude more difficult to do another rotation to the second jump in a combo, at the very end of a 4.5 minute sprint no less.
In short, this kid is wild, had the performance of a lifetime, and I had the blessed opportunity to witness it.