ilya: get on your knees
shane: *gets on his knees*
ilya: 🤯😳⁉️
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@bleekay
ilya: get on your knees
shane: *gets on his knees*
ilya: 🤯😳⁉️

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Ilya wants to do one of these "celebraties I don't think my husband can name" videos where he shows different singers to Shane because he thinks it's just too adorable how Shane has no clue about the music industry at all, only for the video to go like this:
- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!
- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???
- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!
- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-
- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.
- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.
- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.
- That's Benito! Nice guy. You know Bad Bunny? Who is a bad bunny? That is Bad Bunny. Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. Okay yeah? He is literally the biggest singer in the world. Is he now? Yes! Oh, wow he didn't mention. Wait, you met Bad Bunny? Yeah, well we were at some galas together, but to be fair he said- Galas? Like how many? Dunno, like four, five times and- Ilya is your nose bleeding?
You're good here, okay?
im nonbinary in a way that doesnt really matter
i didn't take a photo bc i was driving, but on my drive i saw a family of birds (hawks i think? but i drove by too quickly to get a good look), up on a double street lamp, one sitting on the right lamp, the other one on the left lamp with it's wings fully held open under the blazing sun, and in the shade beneath its wings were several little birds, their young i assume. it was sweet and looked sick as hell to see this big ass bird wings wide open but i was like my god, bird family, please find shade in a tree or something. heat index is like 110f right now. those metal lamp posts were probably so fucking hot too :(

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Love how hollanov are secretly a mommy issues 4 mommy issues couple,,,
Shane, who has only ever taken his mother as a date to every MLH function he's been invited to since he was a teenager: Do you think it's weird that my mother is so involved in my professional life?
Ilya, who wears his dead mother's cross like an albatross around his neck every day of his life since he presumably lifted it from her corpse: No, no I don't think so - I think it's sweet she cares so much. It's nice that you're so close
shane hollander AKA mr. trouble AKA shanebug
i’m seeing discourse about if shane can be bigger than ilya and everytime im not picturing buff shane im picturing half giant shane
well you know what they say. when you've invested billions of dollars into hammers every problem looks like a nail and you keep handing these hammers to your users and they go "i don't really think i needed this hammer" and "but i don't have any nails that need hammering in right now" and "this is not a nail this is a glass vase that will break if i hit it with a hammer" and "didn't you used to have, like, other tools avaliable that might be better suited to this job" and you tell them to suck it up because you've replaced all your screwdrivers and wrenches and box cutters and crates and ladders and paint with hammers because your shareholders need to see an increase in value from your hammer investments
mhmm garlic bread 🤤

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Heated Rivalry + Textposts 33/?
crucially important that the centaurs overwhelming response to their first full week of Shane is oh my god ilya why didnt you SAY he was so fucking funny
no! traffic light system will kill the patient! they need under-negotiated kink to live!!!
"we detected a mature post" yeah I'm in my 30s
Damn didn’t know you were one of THOSE! Well, it was fun while it lasted 😬
one of what
communist
feminist
transgender
chivalric literature enjoyer
it was being anti-Taylor Swift but I couldn’t tell because they blocked me. that’s so funny.

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kurtis conner video: This Conservative Influencer is Crazy
drew gooden video: The us governments obsession with integrating ai into every facet of our daily lives is going to bring about the collapse of society if we don’t get of our ass and start taking action
danny gonzalez video: Buying Food on Ebay
eddy burback video: I did the russian sleep experiment for a month
“fujoshis are harmful to gay men” not this gay man.
on twitter this got a bunch of responses like “wow even the evil fujoshis? the homophobic yet hypocritically fetishistic ones? what if the fujoshi is racist?” and like well no obviously not in that case.
“shoutout to everybody from new jersey!” “even the new jersey serial killers…?”