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HEATED RIVALRY — DAY 1

Recalling the first day of filming, Tierney says that after seeing the pair excel in the emotional wringer, his own “nerves were out the window, I knew I could throw anything at those guys.”

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

she was smiling when she said it, but i found that one sentence so abysmal. that toddler knew her mom didn't just happen to come and check on her. she understands that there is a camera in her room by which her mom (and as far as she might comprehend, any adult) can access her in her private space, in her private time, at all times.

can you imagine? never on your own. can't sleep? too bad. you're a child and the grown ups are watching you. lie in bed in the dark. pretend to sleep. behave.

it's 10 pm and the rest of the house is enjoying winding down after a long day. your parents don't need to worry about putting on a professional face like they do at work. your older siblings get to be themselves instead of who they have to be at school. everyone gets to relax. but not you.

it's 10 pm, and you're three years old, and you must continue to do everything right, because they are watching you.

and suddenly he feels so loved and accepted. because they’re playing fuck marry kill and when it gets to shane’s turn jj starts off by naming a man without making any kind of deal out of it. shane finally feeling like he just gets to be normal and Play with his team and have them view his sexuality as something that they’re happy to acknowledge but that is ultimately unremarkable. shane letting himself think for a second about hanging out with ilya and his teammates and everyone knows and they’re all just chill and happy

all that happiness and acceptance curdling instantly bc the guys the team collectively names are two openly gay celebrities and ilya. with the implication being not only that ilya is the obvious kill but also the quieter one that ilya is queer and isn’t that funny, isn’t that a good insult, isn’t that idea so hilarious. maybe they want him to say fuck instead, a show of superiority over ilya, bc obviously shane would be the top - when they say fuck they mean Fuck, not get fucked by. bc obviously bottoming is inherently humiliating. good job shane isn’t one of Those gays, right. good job shane isn’t the Gay kind of gay, right. he’s at least doing the Man’s role in sex, right.

he wants to say fuck ilya, marry ilya. love ilya forever. be ilya’s partner until they die. kill anyone who has even a shred of a problem with that.

"Heated Rivalry” season 1 is officially being released on physical formats! (DVD, Blu-ray, and 4k Blu-ray)