Its Me, Ya Boi

Mine went straight in my mouth because it had a delightful plasticy feeling with a slight crunch if you really went for it. I chewed on that thing for ages. Until at some point I accidentally actually bit into it and it popper and I got glowstick all up in my mouth and down my shirt and it was horrible. One of (but not the worst) things I have ever had the misfortune of tasting. And I knew it had to be poison because it was probably radioactive goo or something and I was gonna die and my parents and everyone would know I died because I ate a glowstick and did something stupid

So I spat it out and washed my mouth really good with water and then wandered into the woods crying to die alone after everyone was asleep because I was clearly going to die from the poison and at least this way they might think I died getting eaten by animals or taken by ghosts or maybe they'd be happy because they never found my tiny child corpse and would assume I'd gone on to live a cool life amongst the trees.

Except at some point my parents woke up and everyone freaked out about a missing child in the woods and me being smart stuck to the trails so I was easy to find with my stupid glowing shirt and my glowing face and my bucket hat 2 or 3 miles down the path.

(Almost every single comment to the original post was "oh buddy you are NOT ready to pick a fight with dieworkwear")

To this today on Bluesky

she lifted up my shirt, saw my top surgery scars, and immediately went "WHOA! What caused THIS?"

The Old Man of the Lake is a log that floats around the lake. It is somewhat strange in that it floats vertically. It's roughly 30 feet tall, with only about 5 or so feet sticking out above the surface of the water. It was first 'offically' recorded in the early 20th century, though there are oral reports of it as far back as 1896 (and likely earlier still given the cultural importance of Crater Lake to the Klamath tribe of that area.

The Old Man should have rotted away long ago or at the very least become waterlogged and sank into the water fully, but nope. Over a hundred years, and there is this log still in the water just floating.

So y'know how I said the fact that it floats vertically was 'somewhat strange'? Let's get into some actual strange territory regarding the Old Man. It moves. Against the wind. It has been recorded moving in paths that do not make sense, never getting stuck on the shore of Wizard Island, nor the area of shore around the lake. Now that's strange.

So now let's get freaky: The free-floating Old Man posed a hazard to boats since it moves, and only a small portion of it was above water. (though personal boats are no longer allowed on the lake) Anyway, in 1988 a team was using a small submersible to explore the lake. The scientist figured it'd be a good idea to moor the Old Man near the coast of Wizard Island out of their way, for safety. So they tied some rope to it, to move the Old Man. As soon as they did so, the clear blue skies of a warm August day turned dark. The wind kicked up, bad, and it started to rain, then hail, then snow in the span of a few minutes...again in August. Now snow in that area is common, but not in the summer months. It gets super warm in that area in summer (like 70 to 90 degrees on average) So the scientists decided to nope the fuck out of the water, because of this freak storm. They unmoored the Old Man, preparing to get the fuck out of dodge of this summer snowstorm. As soon as the rope loosened and was in the water, as quickly as the storm had come on them, the darkened skies cleared and it was once more a fine sunny summer day.

"The Old Man floats vertically through the lake on a calm day"

"THE OLD MAN FLOATS. VERTICALLY. THROUGH THE LAKE ON A CALM DAY"

So I wrote a very professional letter to the landlord and property management company. I provided this information and sent a CD with copies of before and after pics of the place with notes, like the place hadn't been cleaned before we moved in, there was a hole from the second bathroom to the outside, large enough to fit a fat raccoon, husky fur everywhere, nails, hooks, and tacks in the walls, footprints on the ceiling, human hair on the walls and ceilings of the main bathroom.

I informed them they had 60 days to return our deposit or we will take them to small claims court. Local laws state that if a tenant wins, we receive 3x the deposit, and the landlord pays all court costs and fees. 58 days after sending the letter, we received our deposit with an apology for "confusion."

What Recreators Can Do

It costs approximately $30,000 to incarcerate a juvenile offender for one year. If that money were available to Parks and Recreation, we could do the following:

Take him swimming twice a week for 24 weeks,

And give him four tours of the zoo, plus lunch,

And enroll him in 50 community center programs,

And visit the nature center twice,

And let him play league softball for a season,

And tour the gardens at the park twice,

And give him two weeks of tennis lessons,

And enroll him in two weeks of day camp,

And let him play three rounds of golf,

And act in one play,

And participate in one fishing clinic,

And take a four-week pottery class,

And play basketball eight hours a weeks for 40 weeks,

After which we could return to you: $29,125 and one much happier kid.

Reprinted, by permission, from E. O’Sullivan, 1999, Setting a course for change (National Recreation and Park Association).

Because the fact it's so normal is what makes it horrific. Many people (unfortunately in my opinion), at least in America, do not pass Gothic cathedrals with intricately carved doors and gargoyles in everyday life. Therefore, seeing something like that, it's much easier to say that there's a demon (or what have you, I'm going with demon) on the other side of the door. Given this is a horror movie, it is expected that the Big Spooky Door will have a Big Spooky Payoff lurking behind it.

On the other hand, an ordinary door on ordinary hinges in a 1970s slapped-together building having a demon behind it is automatically scarier in my personal opinion simply because the existence of the demon there is out of place. There is nothing inherently extraordinary or supernatural about the door or the place. It's just there. So removing the demon from its expected context is in my opinion scarier.