and ever sir lancelot wept

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

i keep fucking around but i'm too stupid so i never really find out anything

When I say "godspeed" (I say it a lot) I like to imagine I'm a member of a futurism religion that worships velocity above all else. Like its the standard well-wishing in my culture. Speedliness is next to godliness. Someday we'll catch him! And the closer we get the more he loves us

Beautiful: a child has drowned and returned from the other side with a report of going to the afterlife. "When I arrived in heaven I was greeted by a mammoth-headed man who said 'I am Anghprett Vul, sky god of the one true religion'. I asked 'who are you?' and he said 'we visited a tribe of Neanderthals and gave them our teachings but then a landslide killed them'. I asked 'so do I have to bring back your faith and believe in it?' and he said 'we don't really care". Find his book at your local apatheist bookstore today

“the soft animal of your body”….? thats my hard as fuck werewolf body to you

kicks rock where's MY socialist muslim elected offical

Ohhh wait...I'm cute!!! :OOOO!!!! *aims my pistol at your head*

it's such bs that the whole guilt-ridden stoic self-sacrificing martyr thing doesn't work outside of fiction. repressing all your emotions and neglecting your physical wellbeing should make you god's most tragically beautiful morally unassailable little soldier of righteousness but all it does is give you bad skin and gastrointestinal problems

like what do you MEAN the number 1 sexiest character trait of all time is just kind of offputting and bad for you in real life. next you'll tell me smoking has consequences other than looking like a mysterious badass

you will struggle to say the unsayable thing for five years straight. and then it will suddenly become easy on a Wednesday morning

premature ejaculation isnt real #ifyoucumyoucum #allthereistoit