Chaosfay's Bit of Madness

That's more than a month. I would likely already be scheduled for hip surgery.

Well, i declined, and when they asked why...

...oh, i told her allllll about the horrible visit.

It was scheduled for 9:30am. It was nearly 11am when they finally called me back. When i asked why tf it took so long? "Computer problem" which is a bullshit excuse. Just say you're understaffed and over-scheduled. The nurse may have winced and nodded.

Sitting is extremely painful. It pinches the cyst and flap tear on the front of my hip. I stand in waiting rooms now...so long as i have a wall to lean against. The walls had chairs all along them. Nowhere to lean. I ended up sitting weirdly, leg stretch out, me trying to not pinch the spot. I arrived at a level 6/10 pain level. Left at nearly 9/10 pain level, and in tears.

I get tp the room, and told them i cannot sit, at all. They had my mri scan up and saw the mess. They knew and could see it. Still insist i try touch my toes while they poked around. My muscles were spasming because of how I had to sit. They spiked my pain up. A lot.

My hip sublexed the next day, which is a partial dislocation. I could feel my pelvis moving one way and the head of my femur in the other direction. Same setup as the dislocation that caused the tear. I couldn't put weight on that leg until i saw my PT four days after the appointment.

I mentioned the place to my husband's dnd players, and one of them knows the place. He's a skier and has had serious injuries. He told me they always have computer problems. His insurance wouldn't let him switch to a different clinic until he went this one thrice. First appointment of the day, at 8am? Pack lunch. Always a two hour wait. Crap quality treatment resulted in leaving with more problems. They treated him with virtually zero respect.

I looked up reviewd. How are they still in business? One star, sometimes two. They've been having this same "computer problem" for two years.

The woman on the phone took notes. She apologized, and said she's gonna check on the system to see if i was correct. Oh, and mentioned it sounds like the most accurate and likely culprit. Then she told me she's passing on what i said, that the people running the place may decide to take it seriously.

I left that clinic in tears, barely capable of walking. The only thing i can use for pain treatment is edibles. OTC pain meds and nearly all Rx pain meds make me vomit. Tylenol/acetamenaphin damages my liver and makes me extremely nauseated, which is why it's used only for breaking fevers. Morphine increases my pain. I'm completely immune to opiates. They may as well be candy for all the effect they have. Not even side effects. My mom and one of my sisters has the exact same experience with opiates.

My edibles make me unable to do much. I become very stupid, and extremely uncoordinated. My sewing room is dangerous, and moreso when the effects kick in. I wanna work on quilts, but edibles don't make that possible.

It's taken over a week for the spasms to calm down. Walking is getting easier, and i can put weight on my leg. I got some sewing done, which is great.

Sometimes using a wheelchair means you can no longer get to the places that used to be important to you, and not because of man-made inaccessibility. I have sat with someone as they cried because they could no longer visit the place they had scattered a loved one’s ashes because not even the most expensive wheelchair in the world could handle the terrain. As much as I wanted to, my wheelchair meant that I couldn’t position myself in a way that would allow me to give them a proper hug. In that moment, our wheelchairs felt more like heavy weights than freedom.

And sometimes wheelchairs are like the legs of someone who can walk but would maybe benefit from a wheelchair themselves. Sometimes wheelchairs are exhausting and painful and you’re counting down the time before you’re able to be lifted into bed. Sure, like painful legs, you can do more with them than without, but constantly performing gratitude for something that hurts you is exhausting. And again, not because you need a better wheelchair, but because those are the limits of your body and the technology that exists.

My hip surgery consultation did not go well. They were more middleman than anything else. It was basically confirmation i do need surgery. They sent a referral out for an orthopedic surgeon. In a month, i may hear from them again about apirating the cyst next to the flap tear, and a cortisol shot to reduce the swelling. The earliest they can see me is at the end of August.

I was hoping for surgery during the summer. The weather rarely changes, which has my joints happy. Autumn fluctuates and makes my body very unhappy.

In good news, i have plenty of time to finish the wallhanging i plan on hanging in my sewing room.

We're still preparing for my surgery, which means

prepping the house, and hopefully getting a ramp installed,

putting together activities to keep me occupied, like Lego sets,

and putting money together for me to get the laptop I need, seeing as I would like to write my book. Currently, i cannot sit at my computer because i end up pinching the injured area of my hip.

I have a list you can order from and help me out here. It has the laptop crowdfund, ttrpg constructs for me to build, Lego sets, food, postcards and postage stamps (i'm active on postcrossing), and various other things. You can order them on my behalf, with the option of remaining anonymous.

Commissions are open, with ten slots, and will remain open until all slots are taken or when the wet season arrives...so probably October.

I will work on commissions as much as I safely can. When surgery happens, there will be a lengthy wait. Could be a few weeks or a few months. Snatch up a slot soon!

Please reblog!!!

I'm on social security, and my husband hasn't been able to find a second job. What he makes as my state-paid caregiver covers our mortgage and a couple bills. My SSDI covers about two weeks of groceries and one other bill. Before our current leadership caused inflation to get this bad, it would have been barely enough. Not anymore. Any help we can get will make a difference, and that includes reblogging, which is free.

Liking a post bookmarks it for you, reblogs get seen.

As Pride Month comes to an end, I just want to remind you that July is Disability Pride Month and there's a flag and everything!

Charcoal Grey: Mourning for people who have died due to ableist violence, abuse, suicide, and illness

Red Stripe: Physical disabilities

Gold Stripe: Neurodiversity

Blue Stripe: Emotional and psychiatric disabilities

Green Stripe: Sensory disabilities

All Items Listed!

Otter Skull

Civet Skull

Badger Skull

Cat Skull

Goat Skull

Ferret Soft Mount

I can think of so many beloved mutuals who had to leave this site for their mental health because they just couldn't take it anymore.

OP and the folks in the comments -- I have to say I am honored that people still remember and hold #BlackoutDay dear to their hearts a whole ten years later. It makes me happy that those days are remembered fondly. When a dear friend of mine told me this post was going around, I figured I should pop back on and say a bit of my piece.

You're right. This site deserves every bit of criticism it gets for how it centers and upholds whiteness.

For years, I tried to be strong and tried to be polite as I got bombarded from every side -- slurs and threats of doxxing from racists, misdirected anger from Black bloggers who felt hurt they never went viral, snide remarks from people on Black Twitter who felt ownership over #BlackoutDay because apparently Black Twitter was the only subculture with any impact online, doxxing from misogynistic YouTubers like Tommy Sotomayer, whining fandoms, staff and Tumblr as a brand featuring us and then leaving us to the wolves whenever we got harrassed, and tbh, a co-creator of mine who almost always needed reminding to treat the younger women around him (including me) with respect. Between all that and people calling me selfish for wanting to be cited and credited correctly, I gave up.

I was only 20 when #BlackoutDay started, and when it all became too much, I decided to put myself first and give up on organizing it all together. I left Tumblr and don't usually talk about #BlackoutDay anymore because for the incredible impact I made across the internet, I only earned suffering. To this day, the mention of it really breaks my heart because I saw so much potential for us that I literally changed my career to pursue that dream, and racism, fatphobia, and anti-Blackness shattered it to bits.

I'm doing okay these days, using the skills I crafted here as a young person to organize IRL, but have all but stopped mentioning my involvement in #BlackoutDay simply because remembering how that was the start of people treating me like garbage on Tumblr, a site I was giving my heart to and working on changing for free, still gives me chills in the worst way. The staff at the time knew how I was being hurt and did nothing, my mutuals were breaking their fingers trying to defend me, and it was too much.

I hope you all who still actively use Tumblr know that despite everything, you still have the power to change the culture of this site. Given all the things we are currently witnessing (Free Palestine, the Congo, Sudan, until we are all free), you can make little changes and stand for what is honest and true, and you don't need special days to do it.

I wish you all a very nice weekend with a soft morning kiss between Hawke and Fenris ! I was like coming home, drawing them again so I hope you'll like the drawing !