My Shop l Ko-Fi l Prints l AO3 | Wishlist Renee, she/her, 40s, married, pagan, Disabled, queer, quilter, gamer, writer, watercolor painter, science junky, Dragon Age lover, progressive socialist Democrat. If you are a Trump-Humper, nazi/neo-nazi, racist, antisemitic, radfem, ableist, (LGBTQ+)-phobic, you have no place being here! Reproductive rights are human rights! Trans rights are human rights! Black rights are human rights! Before sending me an ask begging for money or that I share your GFM, read this. Failing to do so will result in me reporting the ask and blocking you immediately. If enough people report your asks as spam, your account will be closed, so think carefully before spamming my inbox with begging. I have reported and blocked more than 100 accounts for sending me these asks. Commissions: OPEN Background is a closeup of a painting I made. Avatar is my OC Ghanima Lavellan created by Lagunanegra.
It has been suggested I make a post to pin at the top, with some info for anyone who decides to stop by.
First, I have my most important links at the top, but if you don't feel like scrolling up, here you go.
My Kofi Page - here you will find my gallery, shop, and the options for supporting me. This includes a monthly option, called a membership. My Kofi page is like Etsy and Patreon rolled into one, with some extras, and much more user-friendly. Selling my work also reduces the mentality of my being a burden, and thank you for making that load much lighter for me. Pssst...my members get automatic discounts on shop listings and commissions, and some things are available only to my members.
My Throne List - this is a list where you can purchase items for me, and do so anonymously. I have quilt-related things, stuff for hEDS, egift cards, and other randoms. My being Disabled and my husband being the only source of income aside from my fixed income, I don't have much opportunity to shop for anything that isn't 100% necessary.
My AO3 - I write Dragon Age fanfiction, namely the smutty stuff. Because I can. Fair warning: I like it explicit and mixed with humor because life is weird and funny. You will need to be logged in to read anything I post. My account is locked in order to prevent AI from scraping it so easily.
My smutty romance book list - not part of the links, but figured I may as well share here. I love filthy explicitly detailed smutty romances. I'm also quite picky about what I like. If smutty romance is what you like, check out the link. Scifi, historical, historical fantasy, modern day/contemporary, and a mix of all of these are on the list.
Second, I have some details here for y'all since I know so many of you are a curious bunch...
I'm a Disabled queer artist with a focus on quilts. When able, I'm also a watercolor painter. My work is done Friday-Monday, taking Tuesday-Thursday off because those are my husband's days off. On those days, I game, write (mostly fanfiction), assist in housecleaning as my body allows, and spend time with Hubby.
I'm pagan and the pantheons I work with are Norse and Celtic. I'm a devotee of Cernunnos, and work a lot with Thor (patron god of the blue collar/working class), Freyja, and The Morrigan. Every home has spirits, and I've been working with those who reside in my own house. I love their company and it appears they enjoy mine as well. I do suggest you talk to your home, set up a little shrine with something as simple as a plant, a bowl, and a cup. Share a portion of your meals with them, explain changes you've made and why (like hanging artwork, home improvements, etc), and build a relationship with them. It makes a big difference. Call me crazy if you want, but it's spooked tf outta my husband when he saw how swiftly things improved when he apologized to the house and explained the home improvements and repairs we've made.
Some info regarding my style:
My style will never be called subtle. Bold and bright is my route. Even when working in black and white, I will make it stand out.
My personal aesthetic is cottage core, stained glass, art nouveau, and Hawaiian prints (especially the campy stuff).
I lean towards jewel-tones, which is why I really enjoy making stained glass quilts. Bright jewel-tones with the darkest black in strips between sections? Fuck, yes.
My favorite animals are housecats, snow leopards, clouded leopards, penguins, peacocks, and hummingbirds. In that order. The last two are the colorful ones.
My favorite flowers are daisies of every kind, and very fragrant flowers. Not a fan of roses though. I think they're overrated.
I collect teacups and fairies, with a big love for mushrooms, moss, and teapots.
Most of my quilts are small because they're quick to make. My primary focus has been on stocking my shop, but now that my husband has a well-paying job as a sous chef, I can focus on decorating our home and get to work on the quilts I wanna make for us.
We're turning what is technically the dining room into my quilting room. It's slow-going due to my disabilities, but it's coming along. The walls are no longer shiny hospital blue, but are a matte green and the ceiling a matte white. I've moved The Monster (my massive hutch) in there and will be painting it as well. the room with have The Monster to store all my tea-related stuff (I love tea), and everything related to machine quilting.
I have a machine quilting frame, and a domestic sewing machine specifically for it, set up in there for me to work on BIG quilts. They'll be put to use after the room is finished.
Fun facts:
We will be celebrating 20 years of marriage in 2026. Yay! We married at a renaissance fair in 2006, but the seizure med I was on at that time prevented me from developing many memories. I have flashes of the wedding, but that's it.
I'm epileptic and have seizures everyday. Thankfully, the Big Ones, in my case tonic-clonic, aren't daily.
I was diagnosed with hEDS when I was 41. My doctor genuinely believed I had been diagnosed already because the symptoms are so obvious. We've also come to the conclusion I have vEDS due to the severity and ease with which I bruise, the length of time it takes for bruises and injuries to heal, and various other interesting things. Unfortunately, the only way to officially diagnose vEDS is via genetics testing. My insurance won't cover it.
To make things more interesting, I have POTS as well. I get virtually no sewing done during the summer/dry season due to this. My sewing room gets hot as balls before noon due to where the room being on the more eastern side of the house. I have to get up at around 5AM in order to get anything done in there. Thankfully, it's only four months of hell. My tolerance for heat is almost comically low.
I've got other disabilities as well. These are why I cannot work a "Real Job." I do my best to bring in money via selling my work. Please, purchase my work. I know commissions and custom-made items are awesome, but they take time. There are many listings in my shop, with more incoming, and I can ship those off right away.
When I drop things, I, um...sorta scream? Not the sort that would scare anyone into thinking I'm dealing with a home invasion or violence. Let's just say that Telemed appointments have resulted in my doctors laughing themselves to tears because I dropped my pen on the floor or whatever. In person, this shit is so much funnier and absurd.
My husband is a DnD dungeon/game master, and his players have heard me scream like my previous point. It never fails to make everyone laugh.
He paints the miniatures he uses in his games, and I construct all the buildings. The only thing that stopped me from becoming a carpenter was my seizures. They and heavy operating equipment with sharp blades do not mix well at all.
Hubby is a professional cook. The only reason he doesn't call himself a chef is due to not going to cooking school. This man has been working in kitchens for more than 30 years. He is a fucking chef, and his own employer has said as much. It does make him grin every time I tell someone I have my own personal chef, though.
He is also my official caregiver and is even paid by the state. It covers our mortgage and a portion of our bills, and takes some of the guilt about being a burden off my mind. He refuses to say I'm a burden, and shushes me anytime I mention feeling guilty about being unable to bring in more money.
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One of the best ones I saw was a thing noting that every single one of the few survivors of suicide jumps off of the Golden Gate Bridge realized, on the way down, that the problems they were killing themselves over actually were fixable or could be worked through...except for the now - extremely unfixable - problem of gravity.
Went to the Holocaust Museum in DC once. There was a video interview of an Auschwitz survivor who said he and some other prisoners stayed up all night with a man who wanted to kill himself. The man didn’t kill himself and survived to liberation.
In the video the survivor said “Never seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And they’re all temporary problems.”
Hearing that from a guy who survived the Holocaust rewired my brain a little bit.
I think something a lot of people don't understand is that depression is not suicidality, and suicidality is not depression.
People can, and are, depressed without being suicidal, and sometimes suicidality peaks as people are emerging from depression.
Suicidality is a wave, and the trick is to allow that wave to crest and subside WITHOUT acting on it.
Whatever it takes to ride it out. For some people that's distraction, like watching television. For others it's calling a friend -- not to talk about the suicidality, but just to talk. For others it could be as simple as going to sit in a coffee shop or library, because the presence of other people is a huge diminisher of suicide risk.
That's what suicide safety planning is about. It's like having any other type of emergency plan, like a plan for fire or evacuation. It's making a plan when you are in the frame of mind to do so, so that you can just DO the plan without having to think about it when the occasion arises.
When you're in the midst of suicidal ideation, or even intent, you're not in a problem-solving mood. So knowing past!you, with the help of a therapist hopefully, came up with the plan and all you have to do is follow up until the wave crests and subsides, is what allows you to see another day.
ETA: Here's a link to a safety plan. https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/988-safety-plan.pdf
There’s a really compassionate and well-written paper/book/thing called Suicide: The Forever Decision that’s written specifically for people who are currently suicidal. The letter to the reader at the beginning is wonderful and deeply understands how to talk to someone who’s suicidal without preaching or talking down to them.
It’s very honest. It’s very clear. It’s very kind. It presents you with a lot of information and a lot of understanding and lets you take it all in like the autonomous human you are, and make decisions from an informed place. It goes over the reality of suicide attempts, pain involved, likelihoods of survival, after effects of attempts, and how to get help if you want it after reading all of that and learning about the reality of suicide attempts.
You can read it for free here: https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf
No one can ever stop you if you’re really determined. Only you can stop yourself. If you’re suicidal and there’s ANY tiny part of you that wants a chance to not go down that route, but can’t convince the rest of you yet, give this short book a try. Or share it with anyone you know who might need it.
This goes for assholes, too, guys. I know a couple who went tubing once, and they had to re-air their tubes, but the guy thought it would be funny to stick the tip of the air compressor up to her bikini trunks, the air ruptured something inside her and she died within thirty minutes.
Reblogging with a link because I thought this was a legit joke. Never heard it before. Like I knew you could kill a person by inserting air into a vein but still.
As a general rule of thumb, do not push air into any bodily orifice, regardless of gender. It never ends well. Air compressors and the human body do NOT mix.
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Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."
It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.
This has already been said in the notes, but if PMS causes extreme depression and even suicidal ideation, that is in fact something that most people do not experience and it can be treated
Like for the majority it really is "oh i'm hungrier and moodier than usual"
^this should be a part of sex education so the point still stands
I went to my doctor after I was walking to work one morning and saw a bus coming and actually took a step to throw myself in front of it before I pulled myself together. Later that day I started bleeding and was literally like someone flipped a switch and I didn't feel suicidal anymore. Which made me feel like I was loosing my mind because who goes from 'I want to throw myself in front of a bus' to 'I'm perfectly fine' just like that? I did some research, I went to the doctor and described my feelings, he looked me in the eye and gently asked what I thought it was, I said I'd read about PMDD and I thought it might be that, he said 'I think so too' and wrote a prescription.
If, before you get your period, you feel furiously angry, suicidal, irritated by every tiny thing to the point you want to murder someone, stuck in a black hole you'll never escape from. If you are experiencing extreme emotions for what seems like no good reason, especially if you get your period and those extreme emotions just go away. You're probably not just PMSing , you may have PMS's feral big sister PMDD and it's treatable.
Also this is something that can develop as you get older. So if you used to get normal PMS but what I wrote above sounds more like your norm now then don't just write it off as regular PMS.
Believing the constant lies and bogus predictions are all part of the humiliation of being true MAGA: complete submission to the incompetent cult leader.
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#THIS BITCH #do you know how many times a week this winter she got a migraine??? #Or this spring? #THIS SUMMER? #CALL OUT POST#between this and 'well maybe I don't have asthma and am just choosing to wheeze for aesthetic purposes' #I will be inflicting one million 'well maybe I could talk if I just tried harder' DON'T TEST ME (tags via @arinrowan)
Arin did you just turn MY post into a callout post?
#for every note this gets op has 1(one) day where she's not allowed to say maybe her disabilities what disable her are fake or made up (@arinrowan again)
tl;dr if you have more than 4 bad headaches a month the International headache society recommends going on preventative medication to treat it. Yes, four a month. No, it still counts if you have to think really hard if your migraines are 'bad'.
edit: if you only have 'one' headache that lasts for four days, THAT STILL COUNTS AS FOUR.
You are allowed to find things hot in theory while also never wanting to actually do them in real life btw. You can get off on whatever wild shit in your imagination and still prefer to be very vanilla in real life. Or not want to have sex at all in real life. You don't owe the universe anything in exchange for your dirty mind.
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Harry Potter is trending at #1 on tumblr so I thought I’d take the opportunity to say fuck JKR, fuck transphobes, fuck her stupid books, her theme park, her endless landfill fodder merch slop, and her fucking castle on a hill. Read another book yall!! Read another book!!!!!!!
