Well, shit.

Almost done and I still have no idea what is going on!!!!!😱......what's real?!?!?

caleb was never a sympathetic character. he is meant to represent a specific faction of patriarchy; the rich, well-to-do man with no real passion, no plan for life other than what is set out for him, owed a wife and children due to his status. no, he was not very smart, but that’s by design. he doesn’t need to be smart, whereas natalie needs to constantly prove herself as better than everyone. caleb was “born better”, into a senator’s family.

the big thing here is i think people ascribe fault to natalie for taking him further down a path of indoctrination. “he wanted to be a teacher! natalie made him feel it was too womanly to take care of his children!” with who his father is, what his life is, i severely doubt he never would have encountered the ideals he did.

i don’t think sympathy should be the first thing coming to anybody’s mind when thinking of him. he abused and allowed the abuse of his children, abused his wife in front of them, forced mary to do all the housework, and again, only allowed the boys to experience any reprieve from the life natalie created for them. he was not just a bystander, he fully cosigned the abuse and participated himself, just because he could.

Whew

That..

That was good. But also, what? HUH?

I very much dislike Natalie. Which, is like, the entire point. But she’s written so well. Like, I really fucking hate her and I really appreciate that Caro didn’t try to redeem Natalie in the last five minutes. Her consistency and self-victimization was so fucking infuriating, but like, in the best way.

Yesteryear is a book I picked up because like many ‘Angry Women’, I wanted a vicarious peek into the world of Trad Wives without driving their engagement numbers up or messing up my algorithm. And yes, maybe a part of me wanted to be a little mean and see one of those regressive, holding-us-all-back types get a little bit of a comeuppance. A little schadenfreude, if you will. So, you’re reading. Does Nattie suffer? Yes. Is it the teeniest bit cathartic? Yes. 

So I've read a bunch of comments on yesteryear now, and I feel like most of them focus on their hatred for Nathalie. Now was she a very likable character? No. But was she the main villian of this story? Not by a long shot.

She started as an intelligent, hardworking girl who struggled socially. When she got to uni, she felt overwhelmed and lonely, seeing other girls live a lifestyle so radically different from what she grew up with. But the thing is, it's clear that deep down she had no interest in becoming a housewife and no interest in becoming a mother. So how different would her behaviour have been if she hadn't grown up with these ultra traditional values? She might've become a ruthless CEO with no friends, but she definitely would not have become a tradwife mother of 9 suffering kids.

Her oh so kind mother's preaching that marriage and children are the ultimate goal and divorce and birth control are a sin screwed up both her and her sister's life. And then it turns out that all this time her mother was a hypocrite?? She cheated on her husband (who btw is also at fault for abandoning his kids) and had him leave so she got to be single without a divorce, with only two children and no worries about having more. She gets to enjoy that life, but her daughters don't.

Then, she SEES that Nathalie is not doing well after the birth but she doesn't want her to see a therapist, only to years later get herself one. The only person benefitting from the mom's self-improvement journey over the years was she herself. For Nathalie, the damage was already done.

And now Caleb. Yes, Nathalie telling him that lie about schools was what initially made him fall down that rabbit hole. But she made one comment and he was a grown man at this point, if that's all it took for him to get sucked into it, that really says more about him that her.

He was also no better parent, and no better spouse than Nathalie. Shanon was shocked about Clementine's lack of general knowledge but it was Caleb who was responsible for the kids' education. And Caleb who didn't allow a nanny despite already having so many kids. And Caleb who cheated and wanted to leave everything for his affair.

Also don't even get me started on the 1800's part. He literally kept Nathalie DRUGGED to the point where she completely lost her mind and any concept of where she was. She had been mentally unstable for a long time and instead of getting help, he then spent years drugging her against her will and knowledge.

And let's not forget how he continued to enjoy modern life, chilling and watching tv in his sons' house while his wife and children were trapped in their 1800's nightmare??

To be clear I'm not saying Nathalie isn't to blame for what her children went through. But we have to acknowledge that if it wasn't for her upbringing, Nathalie would have never thought to marry Caleb. Even if she had, she would have divorced him after baby number one.

And in the end, with Nathalie descending more and more into psychosis, her husband could've ended this whole farce a LONG time ago.

Natalie's primary flaw, the flaw that shuts her out of real change, is that she thinks she's better than everyone else, and that because of that, everything she does is right and she doesn't have to listen to anyone if she doesn't want to. But most of the rest of it has its roots in the way her mother raised her. Natalie's mom paid lip-service to the idea that Natalie should be 'nice,' but she invested far more time into teaching Natalie to be racist, to be judgmental, to embrace lying as a way of life, to both be materialistic and develop the vocabulary necessary to deflect criticism regarding it, to place far greater importance on what other people think of her than on living in a way that is fulfilling to her personally. Natalie's mom went to therapy and got better? Great! Natalie's mom is also the reason Natalie didn't go to therapy to deal with her post-partum depression. She is the one who first sent Natalie down the path towards becoming an influencer. She embraced the idea of living the way she wanted to live even if it wasn't in step with what Christian fundamentalists say is good for a woman, and then turned right around and enforced the norms she knew weren't good for everyone on her own children. She chose to raise her children in an environment where if even a kernel of meanness lives in a child, would foster it until it grew into a poisonous tree.