Oodness

Summary: As a rule, Vader did not really do anything with his social media account, but then the rant of some kid from Tatooine about the inefficiency of TIE Fighters began trending, the pilots and engineers on the Devastator started fixing their ships and Vader got invested.

AN: This fanfic is almost 7.000 words long do yourself a favor and go read it on AO3.

X

“Why are all the engineers tearing through the ships?” Vader asked the officer in charge.

Truthfully, they hadn’t been sent on a campaign lately, but the Emperor liked to whimsically assign Vader and his ship to pointless random battles, so they always had to be prepared to head into combat and couldn’t afford all their Fighters to be in repair. Frankly speaking, most of the TIEs never saw any repairs. They were just scrapped and demolished. He supposed he should be glad his mechanics had enough sense not to start working on all ships simultaneously.

“They are fixing the life support and shielding of the TIEs, my Lord.”

The what.

“The TIE-Fighters don’t have deflector shielding,” Vader stated.

and he and gimli gripe endlessly about the run across rohan because “i had THIS MANY ARROWS in my chest i want our hobbits back but CAN WE SLEEP” and he’s 5000% ticked by the rohirrim who don’t respect aragorn and he and eowyn become rampaging bffs and he gets in on the body counting at helm’s deep (“ARAGORN I’M BEHIND I’M GOING TO THE DOOR” “YOU ARE NOT GET BACK HERE”) and he and treebeard become instant kin because mi hobbit es su hobbit and he goes through the dimholt pass with aragorn and hates every single second of it but is unfailingly by his side through all of it

But I am, and shall remain, a silly sausage.

and then. My partner started it. And the SAME THING happened to him.

according to tolkiengateway these were-worms are never again mentioned (occupying a similar mythological space as mermaids and turtle-fish and dumbledors/hummerhorns), and the Last Desert is in fact the Gobi Desert

dragons established a breeding population sometime between the end of the War of Wrath and the beginning of the Hobbit

dragons have an innate sense of the market value of precious metals

one troll has a talking purse, which is also never again mentioned

The entirety of the moon-letters?? and also the riddle-game

lol bilbo

gollum has pockets, apparently

okay so at this point in the lore chances are this is either irrelevant or metaphorical. but imagine if gollum survived 500 yrs with the ring because he randomly has a fire-fea, like some weird ancient hobbit equivalent of feanor

gandalf's "also naughty little boys that play with fire get punished" sounds very much like it was tacked on there as part of the bedtime story edition lol.

the Eagles regularly random shepherds' flocks

matches exist and are commonly in use, except for by dwarves

eagle pleasantries

the Lord of the Eagles might not be gwaihir on account of the lack of a crown in gwaihir's later descriptions

forget bombadil, where did beorn come from. he's probably related to the tompolle dancing bears of numenor, but where did *those* bears come from. and who are these ancient giants (the thunder-battlers?)

beorn's weird dogs

how many dancing-bear skin-changers are there in rhovanion?? or is beorn just hosting dance parties with regular bears

The sleep river and eyes and white deer are probably the mirkwood equivalent of the nan dungortheb too-many-ainur-in-one-place weirdness

Thingol mention!

also "his people neither mined nor worked metals or jewels, nor did they bother much with trade or with tilling the earth." what was doriath even doing

dragons do the dolphin sleep thing

...so this bit of dragon etiquette is definitely turin's fault

and come to think of it, the wearing-hoards-as-armor is definitely from azaghal stabbing glaurung

bilbo has coined a lot of proverbs

hey that was gandalf's original name. it's a noldorin/gnomish name now and not attributed to a numenorean, so was bladorthin like. gil galads successor or something.

i had forgotten how much this sounds like the Oath

lol

the Iron Hills dwarves have some sort of superfine maille?

sorry thorin, that's what you get for calling him a rat

yeah that looks normal… yeah these are all— um. hold on. hang on.

but “ai is just bad because it’s bad” will convince no one and is a morally lazy position to take. about anything!