fight never flight

Two vast and trunkless legs of stone...

all offense intended but some of yalls ideas for making a “better” star wars film are hot garbage

49-minute yoda fuck scene

you are the exception

i don’t get ppl who are fine w period pussy. smelling like wet parking lot pennies

Double Income No Kids used to be seen as a kind of lavish lifestyle, now it’s like…a requirement to have any remote chance at financial stability

This post is getting notes again so I see we’re all handling the cost of living crisis well 🙃

no no i think it’s extremely cool that you brought your 90 pound working breed with you to this breakfast restaurant while you get atlanta drunk at 11:30am

girl you must be a fine piss, the way I need to take you in this bar bathroom

THIS HAS BEEN ME ALL WEEK BECAUSE OF ARTEMIS II AND THE NEW PHOTOS NASA RELEASED OF OUR PLANET

My Very Punctual Wife Gets My Night Worm can also be used to remember the order of the planets in the solar system!

Mercury Venus Pearth Wars Goopiter Maturn Nuranus Weptune

She maturn on my pearth til I goopiter

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor