“what’s you favorite game?” “oh, it’s Anna Give Birth A Baby”

Dogs are machines that turn normal toys into wet yucky toys

when you talk to people they kill you

Arugula is some crap they found on the ground for real

thats because its plance. there are others as well

I love the death grip after the toy was fixed up. Lessons were learned. Try to steal it this time you fucking bird. I dare you.

what doesn't kill you makes you stay on tumblr for 13 years and counting

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

“you are. stealink…. my nuts…”

I think about this video all the time

You. Are. A. Leetle tief…