I Don't Give a Sailing Shit

anyways, this woman called and without even saying hello after i said the usual “public library, how can i help you?” spiel, she said, “i have a very important question: when you shelve books, do you push them all to the front of the shelf or all the way back?”

it took me a second to process the question and then i answered that, at the library, we always shelve them so that they are even with the front edge so they’re easier to grab and see. she was obviously delighted by this answer and then, as if an afterthought, she asked, “okay, what about you? what do you do at home with your books?” i said i did the same thing. she hummed in obvious agreement and then just like that she said “thank you!” and hung up.

so i had been having a string of very time-consuming, draining calls. my line rings again, i steel myself for another angry caller, and i pick up. “[redacted] roadside assistance, how can i help you?” i chirp, in my Customer Service Voice.

“yeah, hi,” a gentleman with a thick southern accent responds. “my motorcycle won’t start.”

i brace immediately for another long call. motorcycles were notoriously difficult to work with - a lot of insurance companies wouldn’t insure them, and a lot of tow companies refused to pick them up because they require a specific sort of trailer.

“i’m sorry to hear that, sir. what’s your current location?”

“oh, i’m just at my house. i was wondering if it would be okay for me to just load it into my trailer and take it to my buddy’s shop. would that interfere with my insurance?”

i click through his account and am Relieved to discover he’s in the clear. “No sir, it looks like you’re good to go. Can I help you with anything else?”

A pause. “Have you heard the good news?”

My Anxiety, which had been receding, suddenly spikes into the fucking stratosphere. I live in the rural south. The “good news” usually means “Jesus” and i was in no mood to be proselytized to for god knows how long.

i steel myself for the Religious Talk. “What news, sir?”

“McDonald’s is now serving breakfast all day!”

I’m not kidding.

One kid had a bag of goldfish crackers, and everyone somehow started to yell at each other about if the main fish is yellow or orange.

I became one of the spearheads for yellow, and my argument was that yellow was the base color and the orange is being used as shading, so it’s not actually orange. But the kid who was the spearhead for orange (let’s call him David) WOULD NOT listen to me. (he was always an asshole though, so it’s not too surprising)

This got so heated that the one guy who was in my grade (let’s call him Paul (half the kids had bible names anyway)) was looking at the back of the bag and found a phone number. I think it’s supposed to be there if there’s a problem with the food or something, but he thought he’d try to call to see what they’d say about our dilemma.

I don’t know exactly what the person told him at first, but Paul explained the situation to them and then they put him on hold for a couple minutes while we waited in suspense. I have no clue what they did to fact check this for us, but they pulled through, AND IT WAS YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!! EAT SHIT DAVID!!!!!! >:DDDD

To The Person Who Was Sitting Near Me On The Train - Jordan Bolton

btw, idk if this will be seen by any of the countless people who already have seen and reblogged this post, but heres the original guide posted on how to make the chibi-rocky! the OP also has a separate guide for a more accurate rocky, though obviously less simple of a guide than the little thingy shown off

(also, she was never judgey - if my meal was a single potato chip she would simply say good job eating a potato chip today <3 )

I’ve seen a lot of designs that are incidentally named after things from fantasy books, but the actual look of the piece wouldn’t tell you what it’s inspired by. I’m more interested in designers doing dragon scale designs or at least sweaters I can picture on a hobbit.

Fabel Knitwear has some pretty stuff, but I hear her gauge is weird af and her patterns are confusing. I have the Montmartre but haven’t made a serious attempt at it yet, so we’ll see what I think. I’m not finding the instructions bad, but I agree with all the nitpickers that her own knitting is that trendy airy bullshit where the needles are 5 sizes too big and you’re making up for it with hairy yarns. My sense is that she’s one of those designers whose shots of herself in samples are by far the best thing about the designs.

Her other knits are a range of “normal” to “fantasy-esque”, but I think they’re neat. :)

Heavener Scarf

She also has a lot of lacework in some of her shawl designs but all are very pretty.

Here are some cool fantasy-ish pieces I’ve seen:

Olivia’s Cape by Amy Gunderson

The Seer by Ninja Chickens

Silversmith Hoodie by Meiju K-P

Dragon Scale Mitts by Colette Smith

Sekiryu Kimono Sweater by Tania Richter

Long Cardigan by Little Bunnyxx 

Firebird by Inna M (a colorwork chart)

Imperial Dance of the Dragon & Phoenix

Running Free

(above) Royal Peacock: (Ravelry link/Website link)

(above) Dripping Ripples (Ravelry link/Website link)

(above) Taboo (Ravelry link/Website link)

(above) Squirpool (Ravelry link/Website link)

(above) Pavlin (Ravelry link/Website link)

(via bsky)

In case anyone hasn't heard, the cyclospora outbreak affecting tons of people in the US right now is coming from Taylor Farms produce. Best to stay away from bagged lettuce and prepared salads completely right now, but especially the ones mentioned in the screenshot:

Taylor Farms Earthbound Farms Little Salad Bar (Aldi) Marketside (Walmart) Kroger House Brand Target private label greens Costco salads and greens etc Trader Joe's chopped salad kits and fresh produce Fast food: McDonalds, Taco Bell, (Yum! Brands), Chipotle, Subway, Pizza Hut, KFC, Olive Garden, Top Golf, Red Lobster, Burger King, etc.

This is not the first time I've heard about a Taylor Farms foodborne illness outbreak. I stopped eating their salads after reading a description of the conditions in their facilities. Doesn't sound like they've improved anything.

Actual quotes from the Apollo 11 mission: