middle-aged, divorced, widowed, tired (bi she/her) | currently 80% gay pirates by volume (plus The Adventure Zone) | AO3: epersonae | header by @darthameus
I write fic, currently primarily for Our Flag Means Death, previously for The Adventure Zone, but also the tiniest dash of Star Trek. Below the cut are some recommendations and also some related tags.
I knit (I'm on ravelry!*), do embroidery, and am learning to sew, at the moment stuff is just tagged #fiber arts but I might come up with a tag for my sewing in particular.
*also I've published two fandom-related patterns, an Olu hat and a Bureau of Balance bracer
I cook, sometimes, and sometimes post about it under #food as play, notably I have done some work to rewrite the 40 Orange Cake Recipe to be more usable.
Last year and in 2026 I am taking a monthly tree photo, tagged #monthly tree. (If you are seeing this in April 2026, yes I missed March 1 and April 1, I keep forgetting the post the April photos, and I was out of town that weekend in March.)
I wrote quite a bit of my TAZ fic with my late spouse Ryn (@taakovapes). Ryn died in September 2021; here's the post I wrote the week they died. I often post/tag about them and death and grief. (See tags #not all exits are made equal, #[grief dab], and #posts I wish I could send to Ryn in particular.)
ok, so these are fic of mine that I'm particularly proud of:
Commit to the Bit, modern AU engagement and wedding which is largely based on the circumstances of my own engagement and wedding. It was a real joy to be able to use that experience in this way.
"Carlita"
This is me going off on my weird limb for almost 165k, starting with for the benefit of all the broken hearts, the not RPF but not not RPF that is one of the best things I've ever written in any medium for any reason: a fix-it fic for the gorgeous and weird Water Flowing Underground, told from the perspective of the unnamed second wife. My exploration of the aftermath of tragedy, the possibility of repair, and varieties of love. (there's also a follow-up fic of missing scenes, end up several worlds away, which someday will get a final chapter.)
And then, I wrote a weird non-linear AU of alternate endings, back on my beat, which led to Beach House, which is an AU that is neither a bad ending or a fix-it, but a secret third thing. It is about creativity and grief and identity, and I love it as much as benefit but differently.
Posts tagged #carlita coded content or #beach house are related to this work, sometimes very obliquely.
(If you liked any of these, try Call Her Daddy, which is a also fic of a fic about a pop star and Ed Teach, but in a very different key.)
Some canon-era OFMD faves
Hungry for love, ready to drown - a Stede POV retelling of season one starting with episode four, lots of missing scenes.
Repair - sort of a similar vibe, my reverse big bang fic with @emcolbs's amazing art, shorter and more impressionistic. I have plans for a pair of follow-up pieces.
Every fugitive hour leaves its mark - soulmates (derogatory) AU
I spit on your grave - post-S2, Stede and Ed have a serious conversation, starting with how Ed didn't "happen" upon Stede being gut-stabbed, and going some tough places from there. Everyone who has ever commented on this, I love you. there is a follow-up fic with the crew!
in case I never make it through to where you are - bad ending AU set at the end of 2x3. MIND THE TAGS, it's a rough one.
No More Running and All through the morning rain I gaze are explorations of Stede dealing with his long-standing issues post-S2. I might still have a third one in me, someday.
and for something fun to round it out: that's what makes us good in bed, some good old-fashioned co-captains smut, an alternate POV to @oatmilktruther's superlative Can't We Be Friends.
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but what if i read one of your fanfics and then went to your ao3 accounts and read all of your fanfics and left a comment on every single chapter of every single one and you got spam emails from all of my kudos and comments and it made you smile, what then? what if i brighten your day with my words like you did mine, what then???
the thing is I am pro-rpf on principle, but I do think you should keep it away from the actual people you're shipping. but it is NOT out of concern for their comfort (insert pete wentz bank account post), it's for the same reason that like animal behaviorists and field biologists and such try to stay out of view when they're observing animals in the wild. don't tip them off it's gonna to skew the results of my study.
We all got that one mutual that be going through the most treacherous situations a person could endure and then posting a few minutes later about why such and such should get fucked through a concrete wall.
Mutual: my situationship partner just got caught in a tornado at a broken glass factory where they were cheating on me with my landlord who just increased my rent by 6000% and my pet marmot has a disease so rare they’re naming it after him and all my bones are becoming apricot jelly which I’m allergic to.
Same mutual 16 minutes later: Do you think Ronald McDonald and the Burger King ever explored each other’s bodies?
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stede stealing the plant and keeping it growing, nursing it back to health. stede and the candied melon silk moth. stede and his nature walks and his insane foliage. stede picking flowers as a boy, stede and the wildflowers he brings to mary during his death fuckery. stede being so aware of all the life all around him, being so aware of the things that live and grow outside the confines of his death-defined life - the animal slaughtered. this is what a man’s work looks like.
stede finding a new way to live. stede finding a new way to grow. stede finding a new way to be a man, to be gentle, to be kind, to be loving. stede finding a family that loves him. stede finding a love he didn’t think he could have. stepping into a new world of violence and abuse and saying, what if it wasn’t? what if it didn’t have to be like that?
it doesn’t have to be like that. they can talk it through as a crew. they can show up for one another. they can stand by one another. they can be happy.
stede can be happy.
stede can be surrounded by life and growth and flowers. stede can sit on a beach with a man he loves and love him. and he can be loved. and he can show ed the way through all this, into hope and beauty and gentleness, the same way ed can show him fierceness and self preservation and protection. they can learn from each other. they can try again. they have. they will.
happy june the third, my dears.
may you also find life and growth and flowers, and hope and beauty and gentleness, and fierceness and self preservation and protection. may you learn, and laugh, and forgive, and try again. may you find the love you’re looking for.
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“Why don’t you use ai” idk man beyond the obvious environmental and “this machine causes psychosis and encourages people to kill themselves” thing I think asking the equivalent of a solid D student who is also a pathological liar if they can answer my question/do the work for me seems pretty fucking stupid
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Everytime I see something gay in a tv show and I say to myself ‘wow that might be the gayest thing thats ever happened on tv!’ I have to remind myself that the actual gayest thing that has ever happened on television was the time on Xena Warrior Princess that Xena got Sappho to write Gabrielle a poem for her birthday and they used Sappho’s actual poem.
Which means that in the Xena universe, one of Sappho’s most famous remaining poems was one dedicated to Gabrielle from Xena.
