middle-aged, divorced, widowed, tired (bi she/her) | currently 80% gay pirates by volume (plus The Adventure Zone) | AO3: epersonae | header by @darthameus
I write fic, currently primarily for Our Flag Means Death, previously for The Adventure Zone, but also the tiniest dash of Star Trek. Below the cut are some recommendations and also some related tags.
I knit (I'm on ravelry!*), do embroidery, and am learning to sew, at the moment stuff is just tagged #fiber arts but I might come up with a tag for my sewing in particular.
*also I've published two fandom-related patterns, an Olu hat and a Bureau of Balance bracer
I cook, sometimes, and sometimes post about it under #food as play, notably I have done some work to rewrite the 40 Orange Cake Recipe to be more usable.
Last year and in 2026 I am taking a monthly tree photo, tagged #monthly tree. (If you are seeing this in April 2026, yes I missed March 1 and April 1, I keep forgetting the post the April photos, and I was out of town that weekend in March.)
I wrote quite a bit of my TAZ fic with my late spouse Ryn (@taakovapes). Ryn died in September 2021; here's the post I wrote the week they died. I often post/tag about them and death and grief. (See tags #not all exits are made equal, #[grief dab], and #posts I wish I could send to Ryn in particular.)
ok, so these are fic of mine that I'm particularly proud of:
Commit to the Bit, modern AU engagement and wedding which is largely based on the circumstances of my own engagement and wedding. It was a real joy to be able to use that experience in this way.
"Carlita"
This is me going off on my weird limb for almost 165k, starting with for the benefit of all the broken hearts, the not RPF but not not RPF that is one of the best things I've ever written in any medium for any reason: a fix-it fic for the gorgeous and weird Water Flowing Underground, told from the perspective of the unnamed second wife. My exploration of the aftermath of tragedy, the possibility of repair, and varieties of love. (there's also a follow-up fic of missing scenes, end up several worlds away, which someday will get a final chapter.)
And then, I wrote a weird non-linear AU of alternate endings, back on my beat, which led to Beach House, which is an AU that is neither a bad ending or a fix-it, but a secret third thing. It is about creativity and grief and identity, and I love it as much as benefit but differently.
Posts tagged #carlita coded content or #beach house are related to this work, sometimes very obliquely.
(If you liked any of these, try Call Her Daddy, which is a also fic of a fic about a pop star and Ed Teach, but in a very different key.)
Some canon-era OFMD faves
Hungry for love, ready to drown - a Stede POV retelling of season one starting with episode four, lots of missing scenes.
Repair - sort of a similar vibe, my reverse big bang fic with @emcolbs's amazing art, shorter and more impressionistic. I have plans for a pair of follow-up pieces.
Every fugitive hour leaves its mark - soulmates (derogatory) AU
I spit on your grave - post-S2, Stede and Ed have a serious conversation, starting with how Ed didn't "happen" upon Stede being gut-stabbed, and going some tough places from there. Everyone who has ever commented on this, I love you. there is a follow-up fic with the crew!
in case I never make it through to where you are - bad ending AU set at the end of 2x3. MIND THE TAGS, it's a rough one.
No More Running and All through the morning rain I gaze are explorations of Stede dealing with his long-standing issues post-S2. I might still have a third one in me, someday.
and for something fun to round it out: that's what makes us good in bed, some good old-fashioned co-captains smut, an alternate POV to @oatmilktruther's superlative Can't We Be Friends.
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The thing about the destiel news meme is that I actually think it's great.
It does let you know that something has gone on in the world. But it's such a short format that it could never even pretend to give you all the relevant information about that thing. It usually provides less detail than the average headline, so it's not actually reporting, it's more like shouting a head's up across a crowded room. Still lets you know that something has happened though.
The very fact that it's a goofy and irreverent fandom meme also serves as a perpetual reminder that using social media to get news is a bad idea. Now that you know something has occurred, go read an actual article from a real source to verify it and get the details. It's an alert system with a format that never lets you forget that alerts are not articles, and that this website is not beholden to any kind of journalistic integrity.
I love it, the comments on destiel news memes are almost always full of people saying that they saw it and then rushed off to go verify the news with a reputable source. Do you know how often more "serious" format news stuff on this site just leaves people complacently certain that they've been given accurate info? Way too often. I wish half as many of those news updates had people commenting that they left tumblr to go double check it.
ok well now i am also imagining that there are some other people on this tour with us who are normal about the show and are very confused by the group of people all collectively sobbing about fake pirate ship
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Imagining a post-S2 scene where some guy Ed and Stede encountered on a raid a long time ago suddenly points at them and says "Wait!! I know those guys! They're pirates!!" and everyone looks at each other because no shit of course those guys are pirates?? It's one of those open secrets everyone knows about but pretends not to.
Then little old lady Margaret who is going blind in one eye remembers how Stede always carries her groceries and helps out in her garden and she's like "Pirates? These two? Have you been drinking?"
And Roberta the baker whose abusive husband died under mysterious circumstances is like "What are you talking about? They're innkeepers. Obviously."
And Lily the blacksmith who made the rings for Ed and Stede's wedding ceremony is like "Pirates? I don't see any pirates."
And Ted the florist is like "Do these guys look like pirates to you?"
And the guy who pointed at them is like "??? But he's obviously Blackbeard!!"
And everyone stares at each other in confusion until one man points at clean shaven Ed with his hair in a cute little up-do with flowers, and says "This is Blackbeard? The legendary pirate who kills without hesitation?"
And the guy who pointed stutters because yeah this guy doesn't have a black beard (or any beard at all) and everyone is staring at him like he completely lost his mind so he's finally just like "sorry" and leaves with his head down.
Ed breathes a sigh of relief, taking his hand off where he keeps a knife concealed on him at all times and Stede loosens his grip on the glass bottle he was about to break on the counter and the bartender surreptitiously puts her gun back in its hiding place.
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People diagnosed with cancer or with autoimmune disease, with chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia, or with potentially debilitating neurological conditions, are often enjoined to relax, to think positively, to lower their stress levels. All that is good advice, but impossible to carry out if one of the major sources of stress is not clearly identified and dealt with: the internalization of anger.
Anger does not require hostile acting out.
First and foremost, it is a physiological process to be experienced.
Second, it has cognitive value—it provides essential information. Since anger does not exist in a vacuum, if I feel anger it must be in response to some perception on my part. It may be a response to loss or the threat of it in a personal relationship, or it may signal a real or threatened invasion of my boundaries.
I am greatly empowered without harming anyone if I permit myself to experience the anger and to contemplate what may have triggered it.
Depending on circumstances, I may choose to manifest the anger in some way or to let go of it. The key is that I have not suppressed the experience of it.
I may choose to display my anger as necessary in words or in deeds, but I do not need to act it out in a driven fashion as uncontrolled rage.
Healthy anger leaves the individual, not the unbridled emotion, in charge.
"Anger is the energy Mother Nature gives us as little kids to stand forward on our own behalf and say I matter," says the therapist Joann Peterson, who conducts workshops on Gabriola Island, in British Columbia. "The difference between the healthy energy of anger and the hurtful energy of emotional and physical violence is that anger respects boundaries. Standing forward on your own behalf does not invade anyone else's boundaries."
made some art this month for @oatmilktruther and trans ed week as a collab with @adamarks :)
read this cute lil 2 chap fic here
AND! coloring page of that last drawing will be available soon! maybe for that coloring page week thing on bsky if i remember. but ill def post it here too.
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Viggo Mortensen is absolutely a handsome man, but his character in Eastern Promises doesn't have most of the global population ripping their hair out foaming at the mouth screaming crying throwing up horny.
It's something about the combination of long hair, stubble, a mysterious past, quiet confidence, and looking like you've just been riding a horse for 2 weeks, that drives people crazy.
We will call this phenomenon The Aragorn Effect. My theory is that if all those same elements are combined with the correct proportions, any actor may be able to experience The Aragon Effect.
In 1989 movie Roadhouse Sam Elliot plays a veteran bouncer who is asked by Patrick Swayze to assist in a particularly difficult bar. He 1. Has Long hair 2. Has Stubble 3. Looks like he eats cigarettes. In this essay
