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I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter was one of the best works of sci-fi of our generation and one of the best works of transgender fiction ever written, and there are world renowned authors who still have successful careers after they publicly assassinated the nascent woman who wrote it. I don't think they should ever know peace.
I think this constantly and then I get angry for thinking it, because trans women should not have to be martyrs or saints to animate our politics and our art. that work should have been her debut, not her epitaph. I should be moved by her career, not her absence. I could spit.
Thanks to ultrasounds, the genders can be assigned before birth. The people are so excited to conform they throw “Gender reveal parties” to make sure their offspring exist in a strict binary since before they can even form thoughts.
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idk why people are still trying to do "hear me out"s on tumblr
you could talk about wanting to fuck the space needle on here and people would still call you a poser for insisting on fucking "conventionally attractive architecture" as if that's a coherent, easily-recognizable category
i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”
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I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever
“If I have one message to give to the secular American people, it’s that the world is not divided into countries. The world is not divided between East and West. You are American, I am Iranian, we don’t know each other, but we talk together and we understand each other perfectly. The difference between you and your government is much bigger than the difference between you and me. And the difference between me and my government is much bigger than the difference between me and you. And our governments are very much the same.”
So a little over 2 years ago, I started a Pain Journal to document my pain levels and other factors that I thought may be relevant. It was a physical, paper journal that I carried around and wrote in.
I started this because I had a new doctor who was actually investigating my chronic pain, but I struggled to remember the Broad Trends of my pain when I went in for my appointments. There are apps for this, but I wasn’t vibing with the ways they tracked pain, and they had features I didn’t want. So I set up a paper journal. Imagine studyblr but for chronic pain. And now I’m going to talk about it!
FIRST, PICS!!!
This is the Rhodia Softcover Goalbook in A5 size with dot grid pages. I liked it! And I bedazzled it.
I talk about what I tracked and how under the cut. There’s a lot of info about my pain and aspects of my life at that point in time, which I don’t mind at all sharing and feel free to read it if you want! But I know that can feel a little invasive to read, so just a heads up.
The first thing I did was create a pain scale. I needed a way to measure and quantify the intensity of the pain and then communicate that to my doctor.
I put it at the very start of the journal because I needed it to be easily accessible. I looked at a lot of pain scales and cobbled this one together based on a bunch of different ones, with the pain levels defined by how perceptible the pain is and how it affects my functioning. I also wanted each level to have clear parameters to avoid confusion and to help me rate pain consistently and quickly.
I wanted this to be simple and easy to follow, so I decided to not include the type of pain in the scale. This only tracks the intensity of the pain. I also didn’t want to use comparisons to injuries as part of the definitions (like “the pain is as bad as a sprained ankle”, which a lot of pain scales use), because those are still subjective experiences. This is just what made sense to me, and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t line up with other pain scales as long as I’m consistent. And then I color coded it because that’s just Who I Am.
OKAY, NEXT UP is the monthly ‘habit’ tracker
I used a cute habit tracker stamp as a way to have a monthly ‘overview’ of some things I wanted to track. (Also I used these markers to make the dots. I love them.) Here are the things I’m tracking:
Pain - overall pain level for each day (marked with its corresponding color from the pain scale)
Stretches - how good I was about doing my physical therapy stretches each day
Cymbalta and Adderall - if I took my meds that day lmao (the Adderall shortage was BAD that month, I was out of meds for three weeks!!!)
Crafts - if I did any crafts that day. crafts are so important to me that NOT being able to do them bc of my pain is worth mentioning, but also sometimes doing crafts makes my pain flare up, so I wanted to track my Crafting Activity
Work - did I go to work that day
Aside from the pain tracker, these aren’t color coded. I just picked a color for the month lmao
Okay, onto the DAILY LOGS!!!
Feel free to zoom in and read my daily logs if you want. BEHOLD!
Things I tracked:
Weather - the daily high and low temps and what the weather was like (sunny, cloudy, rainy, etc). I had a suspicion that the weather affected my pain, so I wanted to track that
Sleep - when I went to bed, when I woke up, and roughly how much sleep I got. I had these cute phases of the moon stamps that I used to visualize the amount of sleep. just for fun <3
Today/Activity - just what I did that day. What the day was like. I mostly tracked work and how big the workload was that day
Relief - pain relief measures I took
Crafts - DID I DO A CRAFT. WHAT DID I DO
Pain Log - I sure hope I’m tracking this in my pain journal! Throughout the day, if I felt a New Pain, I would write what I felt, when, where, describe the pain (sharp, ache, etc), and assign it a level with the dot markers. That’s where the color coding came in! This evolved over time as I figured out what was the most useful way for me to record it. Also these were very quick notes made in the moment, which is why they’re so abbreviated.
I used a combo of stencils and stamps to make the daily logs. Every night, I would set up the layout for the next day’s page, and in the morning, I would fill in the weather, sleep, and activity sections. (I often added to the activity section over the course of the day, too.)
And then at the end of each month, I reviewed all this data and made THIS
There are two graphs: Sleep and Pain correlation and Weather and Pain correlation.
I wanted to see if my pain levels correlated with how much I slept the night before. I also wanted to see if my pain levels correlated with the weather (and I noted if it had rained, too). I’ll just let you look at the graphs instead of explaining them further lmao, but feel free to ask questions. These were interesting but there weren’t strong correlations imo.
The page after the correlation graphs has a cutout of a lil bald guy from some pain diagram I found. I chose that diagram just because I liked it. I went through my pain logs for the month and for every time I logged pain, I added a dot on the lil bald guy in the area I felt pain with the corresponding color for the pain level. This one was super helpful because you can really SEE where my pain is clustered and how intense it normally is.
And then I had sticky notes for other things I wanted to mention to my doctor during the appointment.
So yeah! That’s my pain journal! It was a lot of fun to make tbh and it was very helpful. I only kept it up for about 3 - 4 months, because my pain actually improved enough that I didn’t feel the need to keep logging it. But I did enjoy it during the time I did it and I like looking back on it.
I carried it around with me at work (so I could log pain as I felt it), and I think it helped my coworkers understand how much pain I was in and how much it affects me. I was literally always in pain, every single day, even if I didn’t show it. Some days the pain was very mild, but tracking it (and seeing my coworkers’ reactions to me tracking it) helped me understand that it is NOT NORMAL to be in pain all the time.
It was EXTREMELY helpful to take to my doctor’s appointments. Having a physical and very visual record of my health and other maybe-relevant aspects of my life to share with my doctor was just really helpful. It allowed me to communicate the situation better than just trying to remember what the past few weeks had been like, and it gave my doctor a lot of info to look at. (Maybe too much? lmfao.) Also seeing his face when I revealed my tome of data was really funny. I’m very normal.
And I will re-emphasize that having a clear, defined pain scale to refer to was really important. It gave us a clear frame of reference for our discussion, and I think it was a solid way to communicate a very subjective experience. The pain scale made sense to my doctor and we flipped back to it a lot during the appointment.
Anyways, there it is! My pain journal! If you made it this far, THANKS FOR READING!!!
point of reference from an able-bodied person: standing in one place for an hour kinda makes my feet/legs hurt. longer than that is when it really hits but it takes an hour to get there.
if you are in pain within minutes or seconds, that is not normal. that is a Symptom. poke your doctor into finding out what it is or connect with disabled and chronic pain groups.
if you are in extreme pain, not just "ugh my feet ache" pain but "i am going to pass out" pain, that is not normal. that is a Symptom. poke your doctor into finding out what it is or connect with disabled and chronic pain groups.
I know some people try to rationalize as "well it's not excruciating compared to my baseline" and I am gently reminding you that the baseline is zero. zero is normal. this ^ is not. be kind to yourself.
I love how everyone is still asking hey so my symptoms are actually symptoms? Even if I feel only x amount of pain after x amount of time? BUDDY THE NORM IS FEELING MILD DISCOMFORT AT MOST AFTER STANDING FOR AN HOUR AND THEY RECOVER WITHIN A FEW HOURS TO A DAY
Meanwhile document the actual effect the pain/etc has on your life. Document how it impacts your ability to cook; your ability to clean; your ability to clean yourself; your ability to sleep; your ability to work; document all attempts to be more active and how the pain interferes with them. If you have to do something other than just go stand in the kitchen for ~1hr to cook a meal, that's something to write down; if you have to choose not to have a shower because it'll hurt, write that down. If the pain prevents you from going for a walk, write that down.
Every single time you make a decision about what you're doing based on the pain, you document that; every time you have to endure the pain for a necessary activity which then impacts what ELSE you can do, write that down too, with a direct connection.
(Warning: this will probably be depressing as all fuck and you will probably hate it. You are almost certainly ignoring the impact of pain on you way more than you think you are, and having to face it will feel bad in the short run. Very bad.)
And then you bring it either to your new doctor or if you MUST, to your current doctor, and you say: this is how the pain currently affects my quality of life. This is what I would be doing if I weren't prevented from doing it because of the pain.
Say that you would like to find the reason for this pain and you would like them to order relevant diagnostic tests. If they refuse, or hem and haw, ask them to document clearly in your records that you requested this and both that they refuse and their reasons for refusing.
If you must deal with the same doctor, document the concerns you have with the weight-loss drugs, and ask your doctor to be explicit about why she thinks that these risks are worth something that does not directly address your actual concerns. Ask why this is their first line treatment for the rest of what you've described, and why they are more concerned with pushing an overprescribed treatment than actually investigating the cause of your pain and addressing it appropriately based on an evidence-based diagnosis.
This isn't a guarantee, but it's part of the process.
…. Also yes, I AM serious that you should be able to be in the kitchen for about an hour, on your feet and doing Cooking Things, without pain and without needing Recovery Time, in order to make yourself dinner and if you CAN’T - if that long results in Pain or Dramatic Fatigue or extended recovery - that is a Symptom. A big symptom.
A while ago, I started keeping a pain journal to log my chronic pain and other things, so that I could take it to my doctor’s appointments. I go into detail about it in this post if anyone is interested. My doctor is fantastic and actually listened to me and bothered to investigate my pain, but the pain journal was still a huge help in communicating my health issues clearly. I highly recommend logging your pain (and anything else you feel might be relevant).
Side note: I found the pain journal experience to be really enjoyable because I got to pull out my colorful pens and my cute stationery supplies and make something pretty every day. I decorated my notebook with stickers. I did have to face the way my pain was impacting me, but I got to do it in a fun and colorful way. It helped a lot.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I dropped a full glass style glass of water directly on the hard floor and nothing was damaged . duralex : for the people in your life who miss the table
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