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happy pride to clare devlin, the wee lesbian 🫶

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cat !!
all the other guests: omg don’t turn around but that creepy Ninth nun who took a vow of silence is right behind you! she beat magnus in a sword fight in five seconds. i made eye contact with her yesterday eeek she’s got so much wisdom hidden in those eyes
gideon, wandering around in circles: what the fuck is going on what the fuck is going on where is harrow where is haRROW WHERE IS HARROW
tagging/content warning systems for media are often mocked outside of fanfic which is kind of too bad because i do think it'd be a really interesting vector of literary analysis to examine what the author or publisher thinks they should be informing their audience about vs. the actual content of the media in question
tagging my work devoid of any explicit sexual content as "dubcon" and sitting back to watch people fight over what i could have meant by this like i'm a roman emperor watching gladiators being devoured by lions in the coliseum
every once in a while a woman (usually a lesbian) says that she prefers wlm romance to mlm because she wants a woman to be involved and people lose their minds because they dont understand that shes expressing a personal preference since they cant fathom someone being interested in female characters without it being performative activism

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i know adrian is widely headcanoned as green. but they could really be any color
like the problem with the mm hockey romance genre (and this one isn’t on reid or tierney this is the problem as a whole) is that it takes the bad apples approach to all of it because obviously things like racism and homophobia are problems but to admit they are deep-rooted systemic problems instead of individual makes it kind of impossible to resolve. so it’s easy to write about there being a couple of guys who suck. but when you have to deal with the fact that this is what men’s sports are like, yes ALL of them, yes ALL the men involved to some level, because this is what western notions of masculinity are based in, it makes it not a romantic fantasy but instead some sort of medium dot com thinkpiece. ultimately the issue to me is that sports romance novels are written for an audience that likes sports, which then precludes any real criticism of sports. and as i have said before the ideal mm sports romance novel is written by someone who hates men’s professional sports and not in a “flawed institution but noble intentions” kind of way.
my personal take on this is that it's not even about the sports of it all, it's kind of baked in to romance as a whole. romance as a genre is really interested in recuperating institutions. specifically marriage! Romance Novels, as a genre, are about the fantasy of marriage as being able to meet women's sexual, emotional, and material needs. instead of, you know, being historically kind of a miserable saw trap where women have to trade their bodily autonomy and emotional lives for material wellbeing. and you can take this all the way back to Austen, but I'd argue that this is still pretty foundational to the modern romance genre. this is why billionaire is so popular, what if you had access to unlimited wealth AND incredible dick AND the guy was nice to you. the dream.
obviously we now live in an age where women don't have to be married to a man to have access to money, but the HEA expectation of romance novels is very much formed by this tie between romantic partnership and material wellbeing. no one ends a romance novel homeless, you know? the fantasy is that this institution can work. don't worry about patriarchy as a set of material and psychic conditions. this marriage is good and good marriage is possible.
so sports, in sports romance, are just another institution to recuperate. the structures are fine, don't worry about the structures! romance novels are, i think, fundamentally about a fantasy of navigating difficult social conditions in a personally satisfying way. and so that shows up in whatever the setting is, but I think it's a fundamental characteristic of the genre.
whatsy is extremely and wholly correct. i'm gonna add another thing to the pile, which is that repetition is necessary for recuperation. in order to convert the constitutive harm of structures/institutions into social narratives that can obscure their own second-order effects, you need to tell the story over and over again. sports is violence as entertainment; romance is marriage as entertainment. much of their overlapping* utility is that they are easy to consume, comfortingly predictable, and infinitely available. one romance novel can't flip marriage from the aforementioned patriarchal saw trap into the key to individual freedom *and* safety *and* happiness. a couple hundred thousand released into the cultural id...
with this repetition, the narrative fantasy (like gender, like genre) becomes a stable place you visit: sports is somewhere you can go where merit wins; romance is somewhere you can go where love saves somebody. what's striking about the rise of m/m sports romance in particular is that it raises the stakes of that fantasy even further--there is now somewhere you can go where THREE saw traps (marriage, violence, homophobia) become the conditions of happiness. i don't think it's a coincidence that as material conditions worsen, the escape fantasy becomes...more and more fantastic.
one more thing--much of sports romance's fantasy occurs via a specific elision of racism, particularly antiblackness. (sports in general does this much more transparently!) not a coincidence that hockey's the overwhelmingly white big 4 sport and also the locus of western** sports romance, particularly m/m sports romance. not a coincidence that the gays became repeatably consumable as desiring, deserving romantic subjects within the romance genre writ large before black people have. look at these goodreads shelf counts, and keep in mind that college-educated black women read more than everybody else, demographically:
romance as a genre is run by white women. consciously or not, the marriage fantasy these white women write over and over again protects whiteness more than it protects straightness. along this axis, the fantasy actually functions identically to the institution instead of transforming it. as the repetition of stories shows us, there's a hierarchy of which social conditions are onscreen, navigable such that 'marriage is good and a good marriage is possible', and which social conditions don't serve most creators' stakes in the marriage fantasy at all.
*for doing-my-real-job-today purposes i'm skipping some other very relevant overlaps between sports & romance--libidinal imaginaries, economies of ability and desirability, the temporal bound of a championship or a wedding, etc--but somebody else run w the ball pls
**i would really like to read some comparative scholarship on race overall in western romance and BL, if anybody has recs.
heated rivalry is set in a wild fantasy world where male professional athletes deserve to live
PHM fanart
Rocky Adrian play God statement.

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rocky phm makes me unwell to even think about because what do you Mean he haunted that ship like a ghost clinging to its unfinished purpose for decades until another lonely ghost found him by following a trail of death spanning time and space and they loved each other back to life
like i get the appeal of the angst of being like "ohhh rocky is going to be the eridian equivalent of someone who 'came back wrong' with all the human mannerisms and cultural knowledge he's adopted from and learned to accomodate for grace" but it literally doesn't matter because he came back. and grace is the only one who could have brought him back at all. if you even care.
project hail mary is a touching and poignant film that leaves you asking questions about humanity like, "wow what if all mainstream media was genuinely good" and "what if book adaptions actually gave a shit about the book in question" and "what if studios hired actors that could actually act, and then let them get a lil wacky with it"
#Don’t forget ‘what if puppetry was treated as a serious artform’ (via @specialagentartemis)
I always think there's a period during the 5 year journey to Erid where Rocky had to learn how to touch Grace and I mean that in the most general, safety first, way possible. Even through the mesh, a wrong pinch of the claws could Shatter Grace's bones since Rocky comes from a double gravity and has no nerve-endings on his carapace to gauge pressure with.
I imagine him practicing his gentle touch on a doll or a puppet he had made from frail materials because he needs a lot of finesse and motor control if he wants to come in contact with his favorite space oddity without tearing his skin off like the foil off a sandwitch.
Grace constantly covered in deep angry bruises because Rocky bumped into him too hard or reached to hold his hand too excitedly. Grace never telling Rocky because he was trying so hard to be controlled already.
Rocky deciding to keep himself as still as possible when Grace hugs him because a single wrong move could end up with Grace's delicate limbs under +300 kgs of solid mineral.
Physical touch being hard earned and the result of a surgeon's precision.
(Prompt submission) Grace's Eridian doctors are large animal veterinarians. There are some awkward adjustment periods.
THIS 🤣🤣 imagining the absolutely bonkers kinds of eridians that must have been yoinked from their jobs to suddenly be in charge of keeping the FIRST SAPIENT ALIEN EVER alive brings me cackling-maniacally levels of glee. yes, please tell me more about the eridian lab tech who does the boring, monotonous cataloguing of bacterial glycosyltransferase enzymes suddenly having their space phone BLOWING UP. random eridian who's job is just. feeding and wrestling the big terrestrial predators at the zoo into taking their meds is suddenly missing from work, later found to be kidnapped and taken to Eridian WHO headquarters with new job of putting pills in peanut butter for rocky's new alien pal. thank you thank you!
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something i think isn't explored enough in the hail mary fandom is that while yes, humans are biologically a weird mess consisting of good enoughts that's just not efficient at all, the reason we're like is because of mutations that all happened because of a bunch of random environmental factors and our biology trying really hard to keep us alive in those situations.
and since that's kinda the natural way for biological things to form it wouldn't be weird if eridians also evolved like that. which means they're most likely also weirdly inefficient in a lot of things.
so i imagine after getting to erid, after hearing about how "stupid leaky space blobs badly designed" grace finds out eridians are in fact also, stupid pointy badly designed space rocks.
#I have SO many headcanons in the works#I believe some eridans would have eating problems - difficulty opening or closing their ventral seal could be deadly without intervention#methinks egg fusion is a holdover from parasitic egg laying practices. Have your egg steal some other animals egg nutrients.#until there came a time when host eggs grew too powerful and only eggs that were laid with another eridian survived anymore#thusly Eridian eggs are technically immune to each other. And modern Eridians are born with certain nutrient deficiencies that used to be#handled by said ancient parasitism. Newborns need to play a lot of catch up (which helped contribute to social development.#our collective babies are HUNGRY and they are hungry for this extremely specific thing we now need urgently! We can only pull this off#if we work together! With the power of friendship!!)#I believe Eridians are not immune to concussion. Gotta be careful not to literally break your brain! It could cut up your insides!#Some Eridian worker cells origanate from COMPLETELY unrelated animals. ancient cross contamination becomes modern body plan.#so there are a few cells and interior structures that are literally useless and belong to different creatures entirely#and they still have to feed it or the intrusive cells will starve out the rest. Cant remove them either or an essential system will break!#gotta love billions of years of randomized trial and error!
dont hide this in the tags!! also im adopting all of it @treesarealsogreen also fun fact from the eridian docx the ammonia in their atmosphere is technically poisonous to them and kills their cells is they keep their mouth/seam open for too long, think about how we get sunburn/skin cancer if we stay in the sun too much lmao

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was reading another Things Go Wrong Just Before They Get To Erid And Erid Assumes Grace Is A Child fic earlier and realised that before they know grace is an alien this is not actually that wild of an assumption. the blip-A was gone for fifty years!! they could absolutely have an eridian kid now!!!
and. hey. hey what if. what if before everyone dies of radiation poisoning two other crew members do, in fact, have an accidental kid. and then on top of everything else rocky has a child. a child who was hatched in space and has only known space and has only known rocky. rocky grace culture of two? no, rocky grace baby culture of three
white knuckling it thru my shift today by thinking about Rocky And Baby
there are no pre-existing rocky children. all my love to rocky/adrian pebble enjoyers but to me rocky is a fun uncle. he has to be able to give them back
baby doesn't hatch until every other crew member is dead. rocky was not actually expecting them to hatch at all. there was more than one egg. there is one baby
eggs were moved to engineering, is how there is still one baby
timings work out such that rocky gets a good couple months being Completely Fucking Alone except for some eggs that may or may not still die.
rocky has never previously looked at an egg and thought 'oh that's a baby'. every egg in a clutch hatching is very rare. if none of them hatch rocky is going to kill himself, statement
AND THEN. BABY.
he's not even quite AT tau ceti so now on top of trying to pilot the ship by himself he's figuring out some kind of baby bouncer which is not actually standard eridian nursery furniture. eridian babies can walk within hours. eridian babies clamber. rocky needs the baby to remain in his reach until the baby's carapace has hardened enough to withstand falling from any height, please. please.
he is just narrating absolutely fucking everything to the baby. this is how we pilot the ship. this is how we've juryrigged the ship so piloting it solo is possible. this is xenonite, rocky is making toys so we stop grabbing random tools. that's a wrench. that's a– nope that's a saw! babies don't get those!
baby's first word is an expletive
baby does not have a name, because rocky is not thinking of them as His Baby. this is someone else's kid he is keeping alive until he can get them back to their actual living relatives. he doesn't get to name them, that would be insane
this line of thinking lasts until the baby has enough language processing to assume their name is the nickname rocky uses most frequently. which is just 'kid'
at which point rocky is like. okay. you need a name. i am still Just Some Random Guy. so YOU get to pick your name
but the baby is now an eridian toddler. so the baby's picks are a) sounds they like b) nouns of things they like c) words they've heard once and think are pretty. baby name [single C chord, eridian equivalent of being named ɓ]. baby name Spinning. baby name Rations. baby name Electrolytic Etching. baby name Electrolytic ɓ Spinning Spinning Spinning
and rocky is the fun uncle, rocky does not have access to parenting books or neonatal classes or even his own parents. rocky is making this up as he goes. rocky is calling the baby Electrolytic ɓ Spinning Spinning Spinning
and yknow. rocky is autistic, obviously. the blip-A crew skewed pretty autistic for the same reasons the petrova task force skewed pretty autistic. the baby is also autistic
rocky is spending a lot of time holding off his own meltdown so he can deal with the baby's meltdown, and he is literally just Withstanding It because what else can he do. sometimes when the baby starts screaming he also starts screaming. this never helps. they just scream themselves out together
he tells the baby a lot of stories. he tells them about their parents, what he knows of their relatives, what erid is like. he tells them his favourite stories from when he was a kid, his favourite stories now. adrian's favourite stories
by the time grace turns up the baby is equivalent to human ten – for the purposes of this AU eridian infancy is a few weeks but childhood is a few decades and a bit stagnant / based on molts. after first molt they're human-five-ish, and they hover around there until second molt kicks them to preadolescence, and then third molt is teenage and we're not there yet – and could probably qualify for an engineering apprenticeship. which is not normal, developmentally
rocky tries to keep the kid away from grace at least at first. it does not work even a little bit. your new best friend the spider rock, and your other new best friend the smaller even more excitable spider rock. they're so lucky grace can spot a middle schooler from a hundred metres because he has no concrete reason not to assume they're both adults
grace: oh that's a child. that's definitely a child. oh this is so cool, getting to meet an alien child and see how their development works compared to ours and ........WHY IS THERE A CHILD. ON THE SPACESHIP.
rocky explains they didn't mean there to be a child on the spaceship but sometimes people dying enmass of an unknown terrifying illness make ill-advised decisions regarding egg fertilisation control. so now rocky and the kid are making do, until they can get back to erid and get the kid back to their family
grace, watching the kid mimicking rocky's posture and sticking to rocky's side – sometimes outright climbing up and sitting on rocky's carapace – and listening to every word rocky says: right. of course. nothing familial going on here at all
i love how grace’s last video log can lowkey be seen as a small “fuck you”
obviously he can’t send anymore videos back to earth. but he chooses to stop recording altogether which could be a release for him. but it’s like… no one else gets to have this but me. this ship belongs to me, this relationship belongs to me, my fate belongs to me, this life belongs to me.
no cameras get to see it anymore. they’ll never know if he ever found rocky. if he’s alive. if he’s out there somewhere.
that knowledge will die with him, and no one will ever know. i am the master of my fate i am the captain of my soul.