I'm A Kayak Hear Me Roar

gotham is exactly the right amounts of wet and socioeconomically unstable to have spawned an INSANE grunge scene you just know their local shit is like the sonic equivalent of getting hit over the head with a car battery

bruce wayne has his finger on the pulse of gotham's underground music scene he's like "listen to this" and he puts on a cassette he bought for $10 from a guy under a bridge and its like 90 minutes of some guy crooning in a flooded warehouse with a guitar amp they found in the river and there's active gunfire in the background of half the songs

gotham grunge band "arkham fire" debut album "DYING ALL THE TIME" becomes the world's first snuff record because their guitarist is killed by the joker in the middle of the fifth track and it is unequivocally considered their best song

IF YOU GUYS NEED ME FORGET ABOUT ME BECAUSE I’M GONNA DIE GRINDING ASS AT SKRUNKFEST

hate tweets that are like “men will live in apartments like this and not see any problem” *picture of a poor person’s house*

i was thinking about that tweet when i made this post, thank you

#famously few birds in space#probably the safest place to take him

AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

This is such an abstract type of comedy I don’t even know how to handle it

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP

E il mal di stomaco🤘🏻

i think its so funny how brandon did not think through sadeas's backstory, like, at all, in terms of timing and stuff, so sadeas is doing everything extremely young

"I'm not calling the people who believe in this conspiracy theory racist" I am. They're racist. Maybe not out of malice, but the fact that they believe in this is in itself racist. These conspiracies are always about brown people. Machu Pichu, the Pyramids, Göbekli Tepe, Easter Island, it is ALWAYS POC. It's never the Parthenon, it's never the Colliseum, despite the fact that these were built around the same time as some of the other sites these conspiracy chucklefucks like to throw around, it's never something fucking European. It's always "primitive people" with "stone tools" and "no understanding of modern engineering" so "clearly someone must have taught them this or given them the technology because CLEARLY they were just too Primitive and Savage to figure it out themselves." Fuck off with that shit.

actually my best performing tumblr post is not the most reblogged one but is in fact the one about a very niche audio drama, which successfully reached the entirety of my target audience: the three other people who know what this podcast is

so basically the five people who wanted to uphold his exile were in the right

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

my toxic crafting trait is that a recipe will say "you need ¼yd of fabric" and I will go "okay buy a full yard got it" and then be surprised when I have so much left over

A PATTERN,