Hey, Pobody's Nerfect

Whatever reason you were isolating is going to follow you. You're gonna be uncomfortable. You're going to try to hide. You're gonna have a hard time trusting others and being honest about yourself. This is natural.

Change doesn't happen over night. Taking action to put yourself in social situations is only the first step; learning how to be yourself around others and who you want in your life is a whole other ballgame. It's going to take time for you to discover how you want to exist in the world.

That's okay. It's frustrating as all hell. It's scary putting yourself out there. Sometimes it might feel like you'll never connect with someone else - that you'll always be an outsider no matter what you do. You might feel stuck and doomed, but you're not.

You are capable of growth and healing. There are people who want to be your friend, who will love and support you in ways you didn't think was possible. They will be patient with you as you struggle and change. Not only that, but they'll be proud of all the progress you made, and continue to make every day.

I say this to you, and myself. I'm experiencing this firsthand, and I've been being so mean to myself for not living up to whatever standards I've placed on myself. I can't push myself to be someone I'm not ready to be, to do things I'm not ready to do. I only have today, and who I am today.

So everyday, I can put some effort into exploring myself as a social creature. I can be more gentle and patient with myself through the process. It's not going to perfect; I'm just one person, and you are too. We'll both be okay and get through this. We are allowed to take things one step at a time, one day at a time.

Word for today: wisdom of repugnance

QUEER IS NOT A SLUR

We reclaimed it way back in the 1980's. It is the accepted term used in academia, in colleges and universities ALL OVER THE PLACE.

They'd go through the tags and search, and just attack anyone who used the word queer -- reblogs, asks, they'd keep repeating what they wanted to sell until people forgot it wasn't the truth. One minute it was "oh we're not saying you can't use it for yourself but you're evil to use it for anyone else" and the next minute it was "how dare you use it for yourself".

That was a coordinated campaign for trans exclusion, a first big step in the extreme transphobia we're dealing with now; it caught bi/pan and aro/ace queers in the crossfire, and that sure wasn't a drawback for its proponents either. They wanted (and still want) only cis, allo, gold star gays and lesbians to be the acceptable not-straights.

I complimented a stranger in her jacket a couple weeks ago and a few minutes later she came up to me again and said thanks cuz she really needed it today. I want to live so I can give make more people happy when they really need it.

  – Guest Submission

I am in elementary school. I have discovered something in myself that is different from my peers. I have no words to express this feeling, so I instead live in discomfort for years and years and believe it to be normal.

I am in seventh grade. I have lost my entire friend group because a rumor was spread that because I am queer, I must be a creep. My last sleepover with those friends was spent sitting in the same room as them while they texted each other talking shit about me.

I am in seventh grade. I have endured homophobic bullying from snarky comments to food being thrown at me in the cafeteria, and today finally swing back. I get one of the bullies on the floor and the teacher breaks us up. I get in trouble for fighting while she continues to bully me. Nothing is done about the bullying when I speak up about it.

I am in seventh grade. I am being outed to my entire classroom by the people I share a table with. They are walking to every single desk and telling each classmate I am queer. I watch as every head turns to look at me in disgust. I am completely alienated from that class and spend my days working alone.

I am fourteen or fifteen. The discomfort I have lived with my entire life finally has a name: dysphoria. I have come out to my family as trans. I am in my room alone on my birthday, crying because every card has "girl" on it.

I am fourteen or fifteen. I get a tone with a family member because I am tired of her excuses for continuously misgendering me. Her husband corners me outside and threatens to hit me if I ever talk back to her again, and tells me my identity is made up. My family sides with him.

I am fifteen and sixteen. I wish I could die instead of living in stagnancy.

I am seventeen. My country is passing law after law to restrict my community. Trans people are going missing and being murdered, and their lights are snuffed without so much as a whimper. I am disgusted and afraid and grieving alongside my trans brothers, sisters, and siblings.

I am twenty. I do not speak to much of my family anymore, my mother has only ever called me my birth name, and I have lost every single friend I ever had except one, and had to rebuild myself and my circle from the ground up. Family holidays are hollow. I have self harm scars permanently etched on my skin, purple half-moons under my eyes that are like stains at this point, and I will never forget how I have been treated and what I have endured. My heart breaks knowing millions out there experience the same things and worse.

I am twenty. I am crying in my boyfriend's arms about not feeling like a real man. I am hearing him reassure me that he sees me for me and he loves me as the man I am. My small friend group strictly calls me by my chosen name and pronouns. I am in love, I have more support than ever, and for once, I'm starting to feel glad I'm alive, glad that I held on. For once, I have hope.