Everything under the Sun

The man does not know from cheese. The man "ain't never seen no cheese but orange before" and "I showed ya list to the cheese lady so if it's wrong it's her fault ok?"

I am 80% sure she sent him there for a really specific bleu cheese, 40% sure he does not have the very specific bleu cheese, and 100% sure he's done with her shit.

Our flight is delayed.

Cheese man has been demanding payment because apparently he went like six hours out of his way and paid with his own money and between the cheese and price of gas, he is pretty sure he does not have enough money in his account for an Uber home.

The lady is FLABBERGASTED that he is demanding payment at all, as she was under the impression he was doing this for her out of the goodness of his heart.

"OR ELSE WHAT?"

"I'm gonna-? THE BABY SHOWER? MONICA CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CHEESE SHE'S PREGNANT!"

"The cheese lady asked if it was for someone because the mushrooms or whatever in the cheese are dangerous for the baby or something?? You wanna poison Monica?"

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"

"YEAH OF COURSE I GOT THE CHEESE, THATS WHY I DON'T GOT MONEY FOR UBER!"

"YEAH, GO TELL! GO TELL MOMMA I STOPPED YOUR STUPID ASS FROM KILLING MONICA OR THE BABY! FUCK!"

*hangs up phone*

*head in hands, borderline hyperventilating*

The man in the three piece suit is in the chair next to him. He waits a moment, then reaches into his carryon and pulls out an entire bottle of wine with the TSA pre check sticker on it, and taps cheese guy on the shoulder.

2. Cheese guy is crying a little about the cash and opening up about his problems. The cheese lady is his younger sister. Suit guy is being very generous with his Pinot Blanc. We are having a picnic/improv family therapy session.

3. This is apparently the latest in a long string of his sister asking for something and then flaking when he asks to be paid back. Started with paying him back only some of what he was owed, then claiming something she paid for him was of equal value when it was not, then recently telling him his memory is wrong and he said it was a gift or that he'd do it for free.

"Yeah, the specific thing of trying to convince you your memory is unreliable is called gaslighting and it's really fucked up." I say

"yeeeeah. The other stuff I forgave because she's never really had a good job so she can't pay me back all the time but at least she was making an effort y'know? But that was. That was over the line."

"If you haven't already, check on the rest of your family's finances. My brother started trying to gaslight everyone when he started stealing from our parents." Says Pinot Blanc.

4. Shiba Inu Lady has purchased a cheddar. Apparently, the dog's name is Donut, and he's her service dog because she's severely visually impaired.

"Oh, he's a guide dog?" Asks cheese guy.

"oh, no." She laughs. "He's too short, and the way my eyes are, it's easier for me to navigate with a cane. No, the problem I have is that some morally impaired people see the cane and think they can get away with stealing my bag or assaulting me because I wouldn't be able to give a description- which is wrong, but rather than deal with that I got Donut, and he helps me by howling at anyone who gets in my personal space and biting anyone who grabs me!"

"Uh." Says Kirigumi. "He's been staring at me do I need to back up or..?"

"Ohdear! No, no- He wasn't looking at you! He loves cheese but he knows he's not supposed to beg so he decided the way to deal with something he wants but can't have is to stare in the other direction."

"OKAY!" Says Kirigumi. "I'm wearing fox pajamas and thought like. He thought I was another dog or something."

"No, no- he doesn't care about dogs, and you get a warning before he goes for the calves. Very helpful, when I was living in Italy!"

"Oh what part? I have family in Tuscany." Says Pinot.

2. I know they're planning to continue because Pinot talked to the gate agent so he and cheese guy can sit together and talk about family drama and cheese.

3. Pinot has been teaching him about different types of cheese and how to enjoy them.

4. Cheese guy apparently repairs computers and other technology devices for a living and is currently doing the software version of scraping barnacles and other crap off Pinot'macbook.

Now that I've heard the word aloud, and they are an astrophysicist. Who correctly believes in being comfy as fuck on planes. They are also familar with the concept of a meet-cute and is rooting for them too.

Got to walk the nice lady and her Tactical Assault Shiba to her next gate because it was on the way out and talk for a bit. Donut is called that not because he is the color of a Donut (which he is) but because he likes to sleep curled up in a perfect circle. He has a sister who does the same thing named Bagel.

Lost track of Pinot and Cheeseguy for a bit but when I saw them again at Baggage claim, Cheeseguy was holding both their jackets, and Pinot was on the phone to his hotel about "Well do you have any rooms with TWO beds?". The rest of the call indicated that yes, there were rooms with two beds, but Readers, I Had A Moment.

:)

SILMÄT

KIINNI

MINÄ KATSELIN PARVEKKEELTA

MÄ OON RIKKI, MÄ OON PIENI

ON HYVÄ OLO SYDÄN HELLÄ

NYT MIELI LENTÄÄ KORKEALLA

TAJUSIN EI OO OLEMASSAKAAN

ANNA MULLE AAMURUSKO, ANNA USKO ELÄMÄÄN

ANNA MULLE ROHKEUTTA, ETTÄ JAKSAN HUOMISEEN

ANNA EDES VÄHÄN, RAKKAUTTA TÄHÄN

OLEN KYLMÄ JA KIVINEN KAIVO

PIHA ILMAN SADETTAJAA

ET SAA

NE SANO LAPSI ON SEKAISIN

JA OLISIT NY PAREMMIN

JOS OLET HILJAA JA KUNNOLLINEN, TUNNOLLINEN

Jaded, heartbroken, yet still oh so desperately in love, Luo Binghe resorts to a wildly different plan.

It's terrible. It's dark. It's so unethical and goes against everything that he's been taught. But Luo Binghe still proceeds with it because shizun already considers him dirty and unworthy as a demon anyways, so he's just proving his teacher right.

Luo Binghe manages to sneak a couple drops of his blood into Shen Qingqiu's tea. Once the tea is consumed, he uses the blood to (temporarily) paralyze Shen Qingqiu's lower body and render the man's eyes blind to stage a kidnapping.

---

Shen Yuan: Wait, I'm losing my limbs and eyes too early in the plot!!!

But a "nice" man rescues Shen Yuan from the clutches of his kidnapper. They start living in some cottage in the middle of the woods with his rescuer helping Shen Yuan who's on a wheelchair.

Even if Shen Yuan could contact Cang Qiong, he might just be kind of too embarrassed to do so. He, the great Qing Jing peak lord, has turned into this crippled blind person who can't do anything. Bad enough that his cultivation got all fucked up because of the Without a Cure poison! Now this!

(He's still working out how to contact Shang Qinghua without bothering the rest of the sect.)

---

Please reblog for a bigger sample size!

See, I think that still works.

You are the guardsman assigned to protect the eight-year-old Prince. You are currently in the middle of the forest because he absolutely had his heart set on "going hunting", and the royal second-grader should definitely not be traipsing around the woods on his own. You let him go a little on ahead and he comes running back talking about how there's a dead girl in the clearing and there's no-one else around and he wants to take her home because she's really pretty, Hans, and she's all alone!

You let him drag you to said clearing and okay, that is one angelic-looking dead child alright, and on the one hand the quality of her clothes and the craftsmanship on the coffin (who builds a see-through coffin?) speak to potential Consequences if you simply carry her off, but also for the amount of vines that have grown on the coffin she looks extraordinarily un-decayed, so you should probably get the court alchemist's opinion on that, and there's no way he's going to come all the way out here in his embroidered velvet curly-shoes. And also this kid is technically assigned by God as your natural superior, or something.

So fine. You hoist the coffin onto your shoulder (it's not like the Prince can do it. He's eight.) and head back toward the castle, Prince chattering blithely all the way. And then you turn your ankle on a rock and suddenly there's a thump and a cough and a lot of shouting from inside the coffin and you have now become a key player in a tense political incident with the next kingdom over.

Angel of God Chaining The Demon of Lust. Jan Steen

“Blarlarlarlblar,” said the Demon of Lust, nearly dislocating its own legs as it fought like a baby evading a diaper change.

“Could you stop! Eating! Garbage! For! One! Minute! STOP WIGGLING.”

The Demon of Lust, in a simultaneously guilty but reproachful way, stopped wiggling. Instead, it held still but stretched itself slowly but relentlessly backwards. Its eyes fixed on a new object of desire. The heap of steaming hot garbage throbbed in its vision. Upside-down, just out of reach - or was it? Carefully not wiggling, it stretched its neck backwards, extending its tongue. It could practically taste it.

“Don’t think I don’t see - no! That’s literally burning garbage!”

“Blarlarlar!”

“No! It’s burning your actual face!”

“Blarlarlar.”

“That’s it. Kennel. KENNEL.”

“Blar,” said the saddest demon in the world, staring fixedly at the hot mess.

“Lust CAN help itself around trash fires,” the angel said sternly, handling the demon in a method popularized by people trying to administer pills to struggling cats. “You can’t fix it. You’ll hurt yourself making it worse.”

“Blar.”