Ole homo, tee rikoksia

THE MAFIA PULLS ME OVER TO THE DICK SMASHER, TIRED OF NON-VIOLENT INTERROGATION. THEY LINE ME UP AND THE SMASHER SMASHES. THE MAFIA WATCHES IN SHOCK AS I TURN TO THEM UNSCATHED. I AM A TRANSGENDER MALE.

weighted blanket's not enough i need to be compressed by a hydraulic press

6 hour workday maximum i’m not kidding, if it can’t be done in that timeframe it doesn’t need doing.

this doesn't apply to jobs like childcare

If i worked in childcare and my 6 hours were up i would start putting babies in ziploc bags and shipping them to Turkmenistan listed as endangered fruits and vegetables

sincerest apologies to anyone who has ever spoken to me on here

e me a mail

make the attachment a pic of a snail

I still reference this post today. And yes, when I say I reference it I mean I sing it.

dude’s fucking TORN about whether or not to buy a beret

In 3000ad tumblr is the last website

imagine it’s January 1st, 3000. tumblr somehow lives through several dozen companies like the cockroach it is. the code is barely recognizable. the entire website, now a repository of nearly a thousand years of posts, is petabytes in servers that, due to techological advances, are still barely larger than they are today. English isn’t even recognizable and you see this, a post in language a millennium out of date referencing a show that’s been dead almost as long.

(bravely) I think body parts should only hurt if something is wrong.

And that something should be fixable

Ideally with a warm bath and a good night's sleep

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.