[insert cool reference here]

to make it more lynchian can't you read

this is so crazy but it turns out if you want to write something you’re allowed to just open the google doc and start writing it you don’t have to agonize over it every night for weeks or months working up the nerve

this was fake i lied. keep worrying and NEVER open that doc

the lesbian computer from portal was right. given the circumstances ive been shockingly nice

“Whenever this appears on your dash, we at Aperture request that you like AND reblog to preserve the insane like/reblog parity. For science.”

apparently vic’s vapor rub goes exitinct ? i’ve been using the same vapor rub for years and apparenlty it went bad in the 2010s ..

expired .

attaching something to an email is so scary. what if i accidentally put hard-core porn in there. i don't think i have any downloaded but what if i do and i attached it to the email. what then.

i like to run and jump in my own home just for the hell of it. i will sprint from the kitchen to my bedroom for no reason whatsoever. is it necessary? no. will i do it anyway? absolutely

op is a cat

"kung pow penis," a phrase commonly used in reblogs to indicate utter disdain for OP, has twelve letters, each of which (traditionally) must be supplied by a different user. the unanimity of disdain indicated by these twelve unrelated users has strong parallels to the requirement of unanimity for a jury—also traditionally of twelve—to arrive at a verdict. in this essay i will

K

U

N

G

P

O

W

P

E

N

I

love when my popular mutuals reblog my posts and they get notes fuckyessssss #nepobaby

oh my god I just saw the cutest thing in the world. little Black girl with beads in her hair for the first day of school and the beads were pink then silver then a bunch of yellow then beige then grey to make them look like pencils 🥺🥺🥺 brb I will draw an artist’s rendition

If u could bring dead ppl back 2 life with magic like in video games the hollywood stunt scene would be out of control. There'd be professional snuff actors winning awards for dying the best. Producers would be like "If u need somebody to get killed in a film call up Resurrection Eddie, nobody gets killed as good as Eddie"

ice water is awesome because you get more water in your water

you think youre out of water but then you check back in five minutes and woah! theres more water! the world is so beautiful

Look I know this is a scientific publication but you don’t understand— we need to include milk and cookies in the photo. We have to. Otherwise the science suffers

Everyone wish me luck on my date today I’m so nervous what if they don’t like me…

You show up and Michael B Jordan is sitting in both seats.

☝️only funny addition so far. I’m actually shocked nobody else thought of that yet