Drink Water and Eat Plants

[Image ID: The Destiel confession meme edited so that Dean answers 'JK Rowling posted upskirt photos of a woman on Twitter' to Cas 'I love you'. /End ID]

No one doing this should be allowed to call themselves a feminist.

So I've been mulling over the Sinsmas dance, as one does, and it feels like an interesting continuation of something we saw Blitz do during the fateful birthday playdate when they were kids.

I've definitely posted about the latter before, but I haven't registered my blog domain (yet) so I can't easily go back in my archive to find old meta and I post too much to scroll at least five months back the old-fashioned way, so lemme set it up to explain what I mean.

One of the things that I find really striking about the scenes we've seen of them together as children is the way Blitz circles back to Stolas's interest in books. Blitz isn't interested in the books, and he's got the pressure of Cash's demands that he steal from the palace weighing on him.

Let's leave aside the fact that Blitz is not a strong reader even as an adult and is very likely dyslexic. Even without those factors that make books a low priority for him on a good day, he's stressed and scared and he was just literally purchased as a plaything and this prince kid seems kind of weird... he's not having a good time, is my point, and he's not willing to engage with Stolas's interests.

But then they play together. They bond, and Blitz gets the weight of his father's demands off his shoulders, and somewhere along the way a genuine friendship starts to blossom. Blitz finds that he likes this weird little prince... and so as the connection between them quickly becomes a sincere one and some of the stress from his mission goes away, he circles back around to the topic of books.

It's not his thing, but he knows it's Stolas's thing, so he brings it back to Stolas's interests by asking about the grimoire. And in doing so, he opens up a conversation that leads to them sharing a lot of big feelings they both have about their respective futures. Stolas admits, albeit obliquely, that he doesn't really understand what his family is expecting of him, and Blitz opens up about his dream of being his own boss someday. He even gets around to promising Stolas a job (indirectly asking Stolas to be a semi-permanent part of the future he envisions for himself).

By keeping Stolas's interests in mind and actively engaging with them despite it not really being his thing, he opens the door for them to bond more deeply and share meaningful things about themselves with each other.

Which brings us back to that moonlit balcony some twenty-six years and change later... because Blitz didn't come up with the impulse to sweep Stolas into a dance out of nowhere.

Back in Apology Tour, Blitz sees Stolas devastated and drunkenly bawling his eyes out over their breakup. He's a mess, and after Blitz has spent months convincing himself that Stolas doesn't give a shit about him and doesn't take anything between them seriously, it's obviously a shock to the system for Blitz.

But the thing is, Stolas doesn't stay devastated the rest of the night. When BTB Guy approaches and asks to dance, he turns Stolas's night around and makes what was otherwise a pretty distressing, terrible experience for Stolas a little less shitty. Blitz clocks this from the jump:

And continues to take notice of how much being invited to dance perks Stolas right up throughout the rest of his time at the event:

In the moment, all Blitz is able to process from this is his regret and heartbreak. He's drowning in self-loathing and the crushing realization that if he had just been brave enough to trust that Stolas meant it when he said he had feelings for him, he could have everything he's ever wanted right now, and instead he's leaving this party alone while Stolas gets swept off his feet by a handsome man. Just like when they were kids, Blitz has too much other shit going on in this exact specific moment to process Stolas's interests... but just like when they were kids, that doesn't mean that he isn't paying attention and remembering.

Blitz doesn't know that Stolas has a history of being left alone in the corner at parties. He doesn't know why it means so much to him that somebody wants to dance with him. But much like he doesn't need to know about Stolas's history of abuse to clock in a relatively short period of time that he's not comfortable with slamming doors and stops kicking open doors around him accordingly (seriously, rewatch Sinsmas and take note of how uncharacteristically calmly Blitz opens doors with Stolas around, in contrast to his usual approach), he doesn't need to know that Stolas has been a wallflower all his life to understand that, for whatever reason, someone wanting to dance with him is meaningful and a good way to cheer him up even when he's desperately unhappy.

So after being by Stolas's side throughout what was unquestionably one of the worst days of his entire life and being unable to do anything other than just be present with him for hours, Blitz brings that understanding out when the moment seems right for it.

And you know what? He's spot on. Stolas has just been through one of the most devastating experiences of his life, he's deep in depression and has been off his meds and most likely recently quit drinking cold turkey besides... but when Blitz sweeps him into a romantic dance to the tune of a syrupy holiday love song, he's delighted. Being on the receiving end of this kind of sincere attention from Blitz makes him so happy, even after everything he's been through that afternoon alone.

There's a lot that these two still don't know about each other, largely because of the nature of the deranged situationship they managed to comedy-of-errors their way into. But just because there's a lot of context they're lacking doesn't mean that they haven't been paying attention. It's really fascinating to see these moments where we can see Blitz bring out his little mental list of Stolas Facts, because every time he does, it seems to lead to the pair of them inviting each other in to share a deeper emotional intimacy.

Homemade Sourdough Pasta

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But this is also a big deal for Moxxie. Sure, he wasn't as lonely as Stolas. He loves Millie and Blitz, but they are far more similar to each other than to him. Millie and Blitz are best friends for a reason. They both share their love for violence, and while they indulge Moxxie by watching musicals with him, they don't enjoy it at all. Now, with Stolas there, it's the first time Moxxie has someone with the same sensibilities and interests as him, a kindred spirit that will indulge him not only out of love, but out of the same passion for arts as he has. Vivzie said during an interview that Stolas was the piece that was missing in IMP and you have a good example as to why in this last short.

Almost two weeks later, but here you go! Thank you for the prompt ❤️

(on AO3)

-

“I love you.”

Blitzø laughs, breathless. He’s said it. Oh, man, he’s finally said it, and it feels as light as a bird stretching out its wings and fluttering in his chest. 

He’s so busy marveling at how good he feels it takes him a moment to notice his smile isn’t mirrored in Stolas’ face. In fact, for the longest moment, Stolas’ features give nothing away.

Then they shatter. A shaken breath leaves Stolas’ mouth, and his eyes lower and scrunch, and as the bird takes a long step back, Blitzø feels his heart break into a million pieces. 

Panic overtaking him, Blitzø reaches out. He’s fucked things up again and he needs to fix them. He needs to fix this, fast.

He opens his mouth, ready to take back the fragile words, ready to tell Stolas anything that might take away his pain. But when he reaches for those words, what he comes up with instead is a soft, “I love you.”

Stolas cringes, and so does Blitzø. What the fuck is wrong with him?

“Please…” Stolas’ strangled voice stabs through Blitzø’s chest. “Please, don’t do this to me again.” 

Blitzø steps forward; Stolas steps back. His long arms wrap around his torso, and it’s only then that Blitzø notices Stolas is wearing his royal attire. He searches the owl’s face, desperate to find visible pupils in Stolas’ piercing eyes, but all he finds is a sea of red anguish as Stolas stares at him like he’s begging Blitzø not to betray him again. 

And Blitzø tries. He tries not to move so he won’t spook the prince further, and he parts his lips slowly to make sure he can shape them into the words I’m sorry.

He gets the first sound right, and it all goes wrong from there. 

“I… love you.”