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And honestly? This just goes to show that women know exactly what we're talking about. We aren't a hive mind by any means, but if you don't empower other women to talk about their own bodies and what (male-funded) medications do them, then it's going to take them a lot longer to speak up about the same conclusions that others have made themselves.

Plainly speaking, i think radfems would gain a lot by having a more nuanced, complex approach to discussions around “vanilla” vs “risqué” sex. Personally i’m not about that whole “ALL KINK IS ALWAYS BAD!!!!!!” vibe, sorry. 🤷🏽‍♀️ First of all because it’s simplistic: all kinks aren’t equal in terms of what’s dangerous vs what’s just fun, and the line between both shifts greatly with partners, experience, age, how well you know and trust each other, how equal the relationship is, etc.. For example, plenty of couples enjoy “role reversal” where the usually more dominant personality gets thrown around a little in the bedroom, and it’s not necessarily an issue - it can even be a way to reequilibrate a relationship. That’s NOT going to be the same dynamic if one half is constantly domineering the other (especially if they’re also earning more money, etc). Generally speaking i’m of the opinion that as long as something isn’t literally harmful (choking, beating someone up, etc.) or psychologically harmful (eg: roleplaying as a kid) it doesn’t have to be an issue.

On one hand there is the problem of those dangerous practices being more and more expected. On the other hand, equally worrisome to me is the fact that risky sex practices are now associated with one-night stands. Kinky shit is supposed to be something you can eventually, maybe try out with your long-lasting, trusted partner if you both are into that and healthy enough to know your limits. It’s supposed to be a) fun, and b) spontaneous, not a progression meant to get you to the point where you’ll accept getting choked to near death. 🙄 If you want a to-do list, try Kama Sutra. But no, now we have babies out there going on dating apps like, “sure, rape play sounds hot!” DON’T. DO THIS. Whatever the hell happened to self-preservation??? Like i’m not your mom but jesus christ people. And i’m not even talking about just girls here, if i had a gay son i would be shitting my pants every time he met someone, that’s the point we’ve reached.

Not all kinks are violent and harmful, in fact most aren't, but when the pro kink people talk about kink, the "kinkster community", give tips on how to explore their kink etc, its always about violence. Its never about like, wanting to rub someone's toes before sex, or about wanting to dress up as superman. Its always "five ways to choke your partner" not "five foods you can involve in sex".

In response to one question, “What have been the major impacts of the change in the law on your work?”, the answers:

83.33% said “I cannot live/work with another sex worker for fear of arrest for brothel keeping” 75% said “I worry that the police will arrest my clients” 70.83% said “I worry that the police might arrest me” 62.50% said “I am now more worried about violence and abuse” 54.17% said “It is now more difficult to screen clients” 33.33% said “It is now too difficult to keep regular clients that I trust” 29.17% said “I feel pressured into performing unsafe sexual practices” 20.83% said “I have had to drop my prices to get clients” 12.50% said “I don’t have time to negotiate with clients”

Only 8.33% (2 respondents) said “I am more likely to go to the Gardaí [police] if a crime has been committed against me”, and 0% selected the (humorously sarcastic) options “I now have too many clients to deal with” or “I feel more empowered.”

To explain why the law makes screening more difficult, SWAI write that it “may be because it is now the client who is breaking the law, not the worker, so clients are more reluctant to submit to screening processes as they are the ones taking criminal risks.”

“This is sexism!”

Everyone else:

Do you really want to cry sexism for a woman cop who killed an innocent man rather than idk the numerous trans/black/native women who are consistently disappeared by police??

This would never work on a male celebrity; if a woman singled him out and started asking questions about random politics to make him sound stupid everyone would think she was horrible. In fact they would use that same meme "Did she effectively utilise girlpower when she put *male popstar* on the spot with complex question to humiliate him?"

And this is the issue with saying things like “trans women are socialized as men”. Their personal desires and interests and self-identity in the larger schema of gender complicates the gendered “socialization” — a gnc boy and a gender conforming boy are not being “socialized male” the same way. When a boy or “boy” fails to fit the mold of a man they are punished for it, and perhaps even rejected outright by their social group or family. Those that fail to be socialized male are not the same as those that are successful in being socialized male. Gnc boys being beaten by their fathers for playing with barbies are not, in fact, experiencing the same relationship to “male socialization” as the successful high school athlete that watches football with his father in camaraderie every Sunday. This idea that male socialization always grants some sort of great boon or privilege or exemption from violence is ridiculous because, often, genderqueer/gnc and trans amab people are the ones that suffer the worst violences for being gnc.

Im a woman. I don't like typically feminine things. I didnt really as a kid. I did however, go through most of my teen years of trying to persuade myself that I did like those things, and acting accordingly. And now I don't again. So my relationship to female socialisation is different to that of a woman who does mostly like things associated with feminity, and it is also different to that of a woman who never has liked those things, has always known she doesn't and never really tried to. And in fact my relationship to socialisation is different to that of every woman, because everyone is different. However, thats not the direct socialisation being different, its a different response.

I know a guy, very feminine gay man. He would have a very different relationship to socialisation than most men. He was still shocked though, to find that most women experience sexual harassment on a regular basis if they walk around on their own. He was shocked by this because, as a male, this occurring and being expected was never a part of his upbringing.

These are a pair of screenshots that I took of two seperate interviews with a woman named Elizabeth Short; a woman who made national headlines all across the United States of America when she went missing as a child.

At the time of her disappearance, it was clear Elizabeth had been kidnapped not just from inside the supposed safety of her home, but also from the warmth and security of her own bed.

The man that abducted and abused her was a sexually deprived individual who ritually raped her, and would force her to view pornography in magazines with him.

After being rescued by a stroke of luck and the suspension of a police officer who saw her walking in a town with her captor, Elizabeth went into hiding for nearly ten years- something that is very understandable in the face of the trauma she had endured.

After years of therapy and time surrounded by the love of her family, Elizabeth Short re-emerged to the world to share her terrifying story first hand, and to advocate for victims of kidnappings and sexual abuses.

Elizabeth has repeatedly spoken out against pornography, teaching about its dangerous effects and expressing how it undoubtedly made her abuse at the hands of a monster a million times as vile.

She is a remarkably courageous woman who has flourished despite all of the evils done to her.

This indomitable woman who has more reason then most to condem pornography has been attacked by greasy men countless times over for speaking out against porn and advocating for its eradication.

The shocking like-to-dislike ratios in the screenshots above are testimony to how rotted and revolting porn addicts are. These grotesque, squelching men and women love watching sexual exploitation so deeply that they would discredit and shame the survivor of one of the most horrifying kidnapping cases of its century.

These threads always make me want to scream lmao, you can always count on a dumpster fire when the queer community decides it's time to argue amongst itself about lesbians, specifically whether they're hating lesbians too much, not enough, or just the right amount.

The inevitable result is always these bozos coming out of the woodwork to yell at the OP for not hating lesbians enough, after which OP and friends take turns dragging them for their cold takes, and they get to clap themselves on the back and feel like they just did lesbians a huge solid. Even though they themselves also think lesbians should fuck men or die, just with slightly different wording.

If you had a positive experience with other girls when you were an adolescent and teen, good for you. But there are many, many of us who didn't. Mean Girls was based on a book called Queen Bees and Wannabees, non-fiction. If you don't believe that mean girls exist either you were in a social position where bullying didn't affect you or you consciously chose not to see it because you had that privilege.

The fact that boys are evil in their own ways doesn't erase the fact that girls can be evil too. I'm sick to fucking death of seeing the damage caused by bullying dismissed and played down. Bullying causes PTSD, it leaves psychological damage that continues on into adulthood, it creates trauma based mental illness. Every social group I was ever involved with as an adolescent and teenager had a social hierarchy in which the girls at the top freely tormented those at the bottom for their own amusement.

The "girls are sneaky, behind your back" fighting/bullying isn't just some random stereotype with no basis. That's exactly what was done to me as a kid.

And just because it's not sexual harrassment (though sometimes it is), fist fights, or shooting up a school doesn't mean it's not impactful. I still carry the emotional scars from my school days.

Maybe we talked about mean girls more than school shootings because it happens way more often! Did you consider that, OP?

My point isn't that there haven't been female bullies or that they are a problem, I am autistic and bisexual and I was viciously bullied and ostracised by girls from primary school to high school. Bullying is horrible and has long lasting effects. I was trying to point out that during a period of time where we were seeing an epidemic rise in school shootings and sexual harassment, assault and explicitly misogynistic cyber bullying by boys the 90s-2000s, there was instead an almost fetishistic obsession with female bullies and not in a way that helped female victims.

The media promoted the idea that girls were worse despite all evidence to the contrary (that the worst bullies and most damaging actions were male).

I'm not saying that female bullies don't have massive emotional impacts on their victims, I'm saying that male violence was ignored and scapegoated and misdirected to exaggerate and obsess over female bullies.

Female bullies do tend to be sneakier yes but I was referring to how this was used to somehow make them seem worse than teenage boys shooting up schools and raping girls and excusing away this obvious incongruity by saying "Oh girls are sneaky and that means it's worse than direct bullying." And implying that boys don't backstab, gossip or hold grudges too or that their actions are somehow less malicious than girls.

"Maybe we talked about mean girls more often than school shooting because it happens way more often." @radicalandmathematical I'm suggesting that the timing of when the media suddenly was talking about girls bullying each other happened to be at the same time when school shootings were happening more often and revenge porn was on the rise and that the media spoke about female bullying in a way that minimised male violence and handwaving it including making bullying something that women do and thus ignoring what men do.

@womany @bounding-heart my argument is that the way the media talked about female bullies rarely actually addressed the feeling of anger and powerlessness girls felt and instead just cast them as the "bitch", teenage girls stealing boyfriends from their friends became a trope to sexualise them and show them as femme fatales. Female bullies are presented through the male gaze like the rest of us and other than a few exceptions most media pieces were just trying to sensationalise rather than actually help girls, pieces on girls cyber bullying each other was used to redirect attention from the rise of teenage boys accessing porn.

I think people telling stories about violence, whether social or physical, should reflect on that before churning it out for popcorn entertainment. Note I don’t want to be controlling or banning anything, and especially not art that’s really trying to engage the topics, just support some self-reflection and caution.

Also worth nothing how it really is built on an old stereotype where women were viewed as both more weak and more vicious, extra weak in morals and spirit, Lady Macbeth archetype, further from god, gossips who deserved torture for gossiping.

And you know what? Maybe that stereotype was built on “truth” too. But it leaves out the truth that many subjugated people become conniving and manipulative to survive. Then get told their sneaky bad morals are why they deserve to be subjugated by the enlightened, straightforward rulers.

I agree the archetype of the gossiping woman being treated as especially evil has such a long history and the source of fascination that follows women who do evil no matter how mild is always given far more media attention and sensation (which is again not to say women's evil actions aren't bad but that they are always given particular attention in the media).

To take mean girls as an example; it is set up as though the girls are bullies and the boys are powerless bystanders - even when they literally aren't. Aaron Samuel's is going out with Regina for most of the film, and sits by as she torments people, even letting her use him to mock Cady, when he knows she's doing this because Cady liked him. At absolutely no point in the film does anyone question his morals. Janice Ian references that she can also be mean "At least me and Regina know we're mean!", in reference to Cady not acknowledging her own role as a Mean Girl. So Regina is a mean girl, but Cady and Janice are too - because they enjoy messing with Regina. But there's someone missing from that equation... is Damien not just as much a part of the scheme as Cady and Janis? Is he not equally mean? That's simply never addressed.

The same pattern is in countless films of the same era - A Cinderella Story shows the main male character hanging out with his douchebag friends, and girlfriend who openly takes the piss out of a girl because she is a waitress. Said waitress later discovers that he's not as shallow as she though, because he writes poetry. But he doesn't even acknowledge that he outright treated her badly.

Boys and girls do approach social situations quite differently on average, and I don't really blame someone for wanting to make films specifically about girls in their cliques and bullying that goes on between them. But there's no need to write in male characters, have do or at least condone dreadful things being done, but never address his actual morals while the morals of female characters is the whole plot of the film. The Clique was a similar film (absolutely appalling tbh even but the standards of the genre hence why it never reached the same popularity), in the sense that it focused on girls bullying each other, but there are simply no major male characters. There is a love interest but he's hardly in it, and would not even know about any of the drama between the girls much less have any impact on it.

Quite often, sexual harassment and assault is actually in the film, but completely ignored. I actually like mean girls, its quite witty in the dry humour, but a humorous side plot involved a teacher sleeping with a student. Whilst it is implied that the teacher was fired, it is played as a joke, and is given no weight to it. It is often presented that cliques are the biggest issue facing any teenage girl - even when sexual abuse is outright shown to be happening within the school.

I also agree that they did nothing but exacerbate the issues raised in their own plots. Mean girls is allegedly promoting acceptance and being who you are, but most young girls who watched it wanted to be Regina George and the producers know it.

We’ve got “bakery” sections in our supermarkets, but they make cakes, desserts, donuts, and other things, but not bread.

The misunderstanding comes from the fact that you don't know what "fresh" food means. It means it was not frozen. I feel like Gordon Ramsay right now. Food can't be called fresh if it has been frozen. And the bread you buy, even in bakeries but especially at the grocery store, was frozen.

It's not fresh just because it was put in the oven that day. The bread that you buy was made in factories, then frozen, then transported to wherever it needs to be sold. Then people put the pre-made bread in the oven and voilà! That's what the guy at your mother's grocery store does. He doesn't actually "make" the bread. He just cooks it.

So it's very unlikely you've eaten fresh bread, because only artisans make fresh bread. Artisan is not a fancy french word, it's a professional title. You can only be called an artisan if you make fresh bread. If you don't see that label, then it's not fresh. It's a lot more work, obviously, you need the different types of flours, the different machines to make the dough, then you knead it, cook it etc. It's time consuming, expensive and physically draining.

So of course nowadays most bread is factory made and frozen. We live in a capitalist society after all. It's not particular to the USA. Even in France you're more likely to buy frozen bread. And it doesn't mean it's terrible either. But if you actually want fresh bread you need to look for an artisan baker, which is not expensive in France but I'm guessing in the USA it probably will be. Different eating habits, you know.

I'm a bit surprised that you think a day old bread sold at a discount is amazing though. Do you usually buy stale bread at full price?

Sorry for the long bread tangential lol I've worked in a french artisan bakery for several years I just couldn't let it go.

Identity policing is pointless and dangerous and honestly only really works in online spaces. I say this and you might think "yeah identity policing sucks" but I need you to think a bit deeper.

When you get into a real life queer community (and I DO mean queer specifically, radical inclusionist queers) people don't give a shit. You hear this kind of thing a lot on tumblr but I think it is important to specify, because a lot of more general "lgbt+" groups HAVE been poisoned by the online discourse.

I've been a part of a proper queer community for a couple of years now and here is the thing.

Many more people than you think have a constantly shifting sense of identity, or experience multiple, supposedly conflicting identities at once, and they are allowed to express those identities in a way that makes them comfortable.

My partner is a nonbinary trans woman. They date people of many different genders, and generally consider themself to be bi. But sometimes they refer to themself as a lesbian, because they feel like or want to be a lesbian on that day. They are still dating and love me/their other non-woman partners on these days, it's just an identity they resonate with at that time. This is what I mean when I say constantly shifting identity.

I am a gay, bisexual, asexual, genderfluid nonbinary transmasc. I experience so many different identities at once - my gender and my sexuality are informed by each other constantly. I always feel more masc when I am attracted to a masc person, and I always feel less masc (but rarely more fem) when I am attracted to more fem people. Any time I feel attraction I usually consider it gay attraction, even if I feel attraction to multiple differently gendered people at once - I'm bisexual from a technical standpoint, but I'm almost always just gay (but sometimes I truly am just a raging bisexual). I am genderfluid but I am also always nonbinary. My gender goes between multiple, often unidentifiable nonbinary genders, but rarely if ever a binary one.

When I talk to cis people, or less-radical trans people, I generally just say I'm a bi nonbinary person. Nobody needs to know all of that except the people I want to tell it to. BUT those are all facets of my identity that I do experience and I am allowed to express those. Just the other day I tagged a post about how much I love my partner (wife, I said in that post) with "lesbian" - the reason being they were having a lesbian day and I was very much in love with them and feeling pretty much a "gay almost-woman" myself.

(And this, by the way, is why the word queer is so useful and important and you can pry it from my cold dead hands :)

Another thing to think about is how we treat genderfluid people and their attraction in general. There are often posts with a "mlm/nblm" or "wlw/nblw" tag at the end - do these include genderfluid people? Am I allowed to reblog a mlm post when I'm having a man-adjacent day, even if I don't always feel like a mlm? Am I allowed to reblog a wlw post on a woman-adjacent day? My identity can fluctuate minute to minute, am I going to get a callout post from someone who doesn't understand the intricacies of my identity if I reblog a mlm post and a wlw post in quick succession?

And this is bringing me to the next part of this discussion, and the reason it is important to think about: the culture on tumblr (and, i believe, twitter) of calling people out for having what YOU perceive to be conflicting identities, saying that they're "appropriating x identity" or using it for clout or to escape the repercussions of an offhand comment they made that you didn't like (and I can name at least one popular tumblr user who did and still sometimes does experience targeted callouts and harassment for being a "lesbophobe" because they identify as a lesbian in a way the tumblr culture at large doesn't like, but I digress).

Makeup is Bad because it's [a misogynistic obligation/false advertisement], even the clearly not natural expressive use has to go because it's Part Of The System - BUT if a woman DOESN'T look like she has a full face of makeup at all times she's [probably a man/too lazy to take care of herself]

how is wearing a t shirt and jeans “dressing like a teenage boy”....