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@professor-reuel

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The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in
Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks
There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.
And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona
We can't use aircraft because the fbi has access to all the flight data how many times do we need to go over this
What I’m getting from the Silmarillion is the plot is “Almost everyone dies. Everyone who lives, every victory, contributed somehow to the birth of Elrond.”
Elrond is the end goal. I am convinced Elrond is the most important character in Tolkien’s entire universe.
Fatharani Yasmin
Fave ugly cry 10/10.
Ways to poetically say "forever" if you're an elf
"Until the stars go out": classic from Cuiviénen, never lost its charm.
"When Laurelin frosts": rapid decrease in popularity for obvious reasons.
"While Telperion has leaves": rapid decrease in popularity for obvious reasons.
"Unto world's end": used once and very rarely thereafter.
"When the sun freezes": nothing quite like a reprise. Rapid decrease in popularity for obvious reasons.
"Until day comes again": popular in Angband, with varying sincerity.
"While Gil-Estel shines": If a fuckhuge winged dragon couldn't stop it from shining, what could?
"Until the last ship sets sail into the West": 95%+ of uses were by the guy building the dang ship.
"When Fëanor apologizes": What exactly he is apologizing for is sometimes included, but largely deemed unnecessary.
"When the world is mended": steadily increasing in popularity and decreasing in sincerity.

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I'm reading the lord of the rings and I'm once again amazed at how... good most characters are. Like, they are genuinely good people. They are a bunch of kindhearted, gracious, caring people, coming together under adverse circumstances and trying to figure things out and find a solution and support each other through it all. Like Frodo and Sam meet Faramir and Faramir is a bit suspicious at first and kind of implies Frodo may be a spy, and then when he hears his story and he's like Frodo, I pressed you so hard at first. Forgive me! It was unwise in such an hour and place. And this blows.my.mind. He wasn't even particularly mean or threatening to him in the beginning, he's just such a kind, considerate man, recognizing the kindness and honesty of another man. And they're all like that. Even Gollum starts slowly changing (for a short while) when he encounters Frodo because that's the thing about kindness and humility and grace, they are contagious. They transform people, even a creature like Gollum cannot be immune to that. Like, you may consider all this simple and basic and I get it but, hear me out. It is quite rare to see that in modern media and it is also pretty difficult to pull off in a way that is not corny and simplistic. It is mind blowing that you actually don't have to present the entire palette of human cruelty and vice in order to tell a compelling story, contrary to popular belief. Lotr does the exact opposite, and it is just beautiful and it warms my heart. Especially taking into consideration tolkien's pretty grim growing-up experience, him being a double orphan without a home, raised between an orphanage and a priest and having no family apart from his brother and then the war and then he almost dies and then he's poor as hell and then a second war and it all makes sense somehow. He writes to his wife who is also an orphan two days before the marriage "the next few years will bring us joy and content and love and sweetness such as could not be if we hadn't first been two homeless children and had found one another after long waiting" and, yes, yes! The love and sweetness just radiate from his work, the entire lotr series is a little radiant bubble of hope and love and grace that he imagined in his head to deal with a dismal reality and then he just gave that to the world, and isn't that what imagination and art is all about after all?
Do they have sandwiches in Middle-earth?
They’re probably not called that, but I’m pretty sure Hobbits, at least, have put other foods between slices of bread for eating with one hand while holding a tankard of ale in the other
What if…
Okay so hear me out, but there’s only a few families that could really be considered ‘hobbit nobility,‘ right? And we know that old Gorbadoc Brandybuck was somewhat renowned for his love of food, yes?
What if, among hobbits, dishes consisting of other foods between two slices of bread are known not as ‘sandwiches,‘ but as ‘brandy halls‘? Or rather, I think it would be more often contracted to ‘brandyhalls’.
I checked The Hobbit, The Adventures of Tom Bombadil, and Lord of the Rings, and while hobbits appear to be very fond of toast, especially with cheese, honey, or meat, I couldn’t find any references to a sandwich as such. I very much like the idea of a Brandyhall, but I have to admit that I would’ve named it a Buckhall, slurred to a “buckle,” so-called because if you do it right
the table buckles and yours burst.
I can smell that image.
This is the most hobbitish sandwich I can imagine thank you
The main problem is that I’m pretty sure a “buckle” is already a type of baked food similar to a pie or a crisp, not sure if that matters in Middle Earth just saying there could be some confusion
A quick Google search tells me that a buckle is a sort of streusel coffee cake and also that I need to find a recipe for it, but I don’t necessarily think this invalidates the buckle idea. See, it’s called a brandyhall in Buckland, but the rest of the Shire calls it a buckle and they call the cake a heavy fruit struesel. This leads not only to confusion, but also to petty inter family fighting… ever seen someone who says casserole meet someone who says hot dish?
Those Brandybucks, people in Hobbiton mumble disapprovingly over their tea and buckles. Odd as Tooks, they are, excepting Tooks call their food by its proper name.
Meanwhile hobbits in Bree call it a milker and no one is quite sure what to make of that.
AU where Faramir went to Rivendell instead of Boromir?
Everything turns out okay.
That sounds flippant but imagine Denethor sending the right son to do the right job.
Faramir goes to the cool green glade of Elrond, where he speaks of dreams and waves, and the elves whisper that the blood of Numenor runs true in the House of Hurin; Boromir spends his time riding like hell between Ithilien and Osgiliath, speaking with men around smoky fires, embracing his captains and saying to them, take heart, gather your strength, these are the times which test a man’s soul and lift it to glory, but we will see dawn come, we will keep Gondor free.
Though they are cut from different cloth, this is something Boromir and Faramir have always shared–they are men deserving of leadership, they would be followed under the shadow of the East. Boromir aches for every one of his countrymen cut down, screams his defiance to the orc armies and rallies his arms; Faramir listens to the words of wisdom Aragorn offers, is gentle and kindly with the hobbits, greets Legolas in his mother tongue, offers Master Gimli praise.
Wandering with the Fellowship below the empty sky, Faramir looks up at Maethor, the Warrior constellation, and thinks of his brother, prays that he is well, that he is safe, that he is still a little pompous, stilted, honest.
Boromir spends another sleepless night playing with the chain at his neck, the small portraits of his mother and brother. (I cannot lose you too, I cannot–come back hale and whole, come back angry and proud and cunning and defiant of our father–)
Faramir has never known the weight of all Gondor on his shoulders, and so is not tempted by the power the Ring offers.
Boromir has always known the love of his father, and so never bears the scorn of Denethor when Osgiliath must be abandoned as too tenuous a position to hold.
The day that Faramir comes striding into the Citadel, a child and wizard at his heels, Boromir cries out with joy as he has not for more years than counting, and they nearly bruise one another with their embrace.
“You are almost skeletal, little brother,” Boromir laughs, though it is not true–Faramir looks touched with strangeness and greatness, as one whom the Witch-Queen of Lorien found favor in, whose nobility of form and face had ensnared the heart of the White Princess of Rohan.
“And you look at least two-stone heavier, elder brother,” Faramir says, though it is false, Boromir is hollowed out and worn thin, deep shadows beneath his eyes and hunger-starved cheeks; in a glance, Faramir knows he neither eats nor sleeps nor laughs, nor feels–and Faramir, wiser and older than when he left, can see the weight his brother has always carried, and how lightly–all the stone of Minas Tirith on his shoulders, and still–
“I have missed you, little brother.”
“And I you, elder brother.”
studies from fellowship of the ring
I don't fuck w nerds, the moment I can smell lore correction coming I'm like "Oh Neptune" and I gotta call my mom and ask her to pick me up
If I'm like "I really liked the scene where Gandalf learns the truth about the Ring in the first movie" and someone's like "Oh you mean when he was in Minas Tirith, originally known as Minas Anor when it was first built in the Third Age?" I am pulling the nearest fire alarm
Them: Pelargir prospered further under the reign of the the Ship-kings, and Tarannon Falastur, 12th king of Gondor, built a home there, though Berúthiel, his wife, didn't care for it
Me, sweating: D. Did you know that. That Viggo Mortensen really broke his toe. In that one scene
hey quick question, probably not important - how did you know all that stuff to put in the hypotheticals
[Throws smoke bomb down on the floor] [When the smoke clears I am still in the room with you but lying facedown, possibly dead but more likely unconscious. There is a visible dent in the nearest door.]

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Legolas saying ‘this city needs more trees’ is actually so valid. Not only from an environmental and social well-being point of view, but Gondor has one very important tree with very few fellows and therefore restricted access to nutrients, so the extended mycorrhizal network more trees would provide actively enhances the welfare of the white tree and symbolically the spirit of the nation. In this essay I will
Éowyn with the starry mantle donated by Faramir 💖
+ timelapse ❣️
#eowyn my beloved#art#this piece in particular makes me think of how stars are a symbol of hope in LOTR#and the act of grace and tenderness where Faramir clothes Eowyn - who is trapped in despair - with a symbol of hope#and high beauty beyond the reach of darkness#Faramir is a beacon of hope in the books and he wraps his beloved with that hope against the chill of the gathering darkness#and maybe she doesn’t really feel it. but the warmth and beauty of the mantle#still perhaps provide a tangible reminder when she was most despairing that she wasn’t gone or dead or lost to the chill SDFDSHFKSDHFLKHDSSDLFHS LAURELIN
One aspect of the House of Feanor I’d like to talk about is the idea that they all really love children. Like Feanor has seven sons more than any other elf we’ve ever heard mentioned. You’re telling me this guy doesn’t really love kids? So I like to believe that all the Feanorians are all inherently great with kids and just melt every time they see a child.
Feanor hates his half brothers for the whole Indis thing but he’s the only one who gets away with hating them. Anyone else tries it and they are hit with the full force of an angry Feanor. Yes he hates them but he will also be tutoring them because how else will he make sure it’s done right and they won’t disgrace Atar? And no he was not just bouncing Arafinwe on his lap what are you talking about?
Curufin is an excellent father which he inherited from his own father. Tyelpe also has six uncles who never tire of spending hours playing with him. They all fight for the title of best uncle and Tyelko very firmly believes it is him.
At family gatherings it is understood that no matter your reservations about Feanor’s side of the family if there is an upset child a Feanorian will know how to deal with it. Feanor himself will rarely object to being handed a crying baby regardless of it’s parentage. Maedhros has been the assigned babysitter for what feels like an eternity and his abilities are regarded as near magic.
This does not go away once they get to Middle Earth. The Feanorians all go to great lengths to provide adequate parental leave in their armies and frequently stop round to check in with any new parents to meet the child. They know all the names of most of their followers children and ask about them regularly.
One of the first things that endeared Caranthir to Haleth was how kind he was with some of her younger relatives. The children of the Haladin all love him because he plays with them sometimes and brings them little sweets. His good with children instincts are activated with any child regardless of race and it helps him build relations with other races more easily.
When Maglor brings Elrond and Elros back Maedhros is a lost cause within a month. He knows this s unhealthy on so many levels but children. They’re so innocent and tiny and he’s going to protect them. They are both referring to them as their children within a week.
Elrond inherits this. Erestor and Glorfindel see his adoption problem and immediately think oh shit our lord is definitely a Feanorian.
Hobbit music genres:
Cautionary Tale About How Listening to Wizards Will Get You Eaten by A Dragon (But With a Happy Ending Because We Aren't Barbarians)
That Time the Major Ended Up Looking Ridiculous
My Uncle Grew The Biggest Cabbage Ever
Making Fun of Lotho Pimple
Something That Might Have Been a First Age Legend But Went Through Several Fairytales and Is Now Unrecognisable
Something That Might Have Been a Newer Legend and Is (Only) Somewhat More Recognisable
My Grandma Lost Her Prized Saucer
I Am Not a Poet But the Lass I Love Is Pretty
I Like Spring and Flowers
Fireworks!
We Are Tooks and Gandalf Is Actually Fun
Tooks Are Weird
Bucklanders Are Also Weird And Breelanders Are Weirder
Cautionary Tale Why Boats Are Dangerous
Islands Are Dangerous Too (We Heard One Drowned But We Thankfully Don't Know Any Details So We Made Up a Story About Giant Turtles)
There Might Have Been an Elf in the Wood and We're Not Sure How We Feel About That
Gondor music genres:
My Love Got Killed While He Was in The Army
Let's Lament Lost Numenor
Rousing Patriotic Song
We Still Love The Tale of Beren and Luthien
There Once Was a Mortal Man Who Killed A Dragon and We're Very Proud of This (The Rest of the Story Is Horrible and We Don't Want To Remember It)
Origin Story for the Mysterious Singer By the Sea (Accuracy Level: 2/10 But At Least We Correctly Guessed It's an Elf)
Ithilien Is Occupied By Mordor and This Is Sad
We Will Show Sauron Not To Mess With Us
Drinking Song With Way Too Nice a Melody (A Wandering Minstrel Made It Up and He Might Have Been an Elf)
The King Will Return. One Day.
Rivendell Edition:
Song About the Fall of Gondolin (Not To Be Sung in Glorfindel's Hearing)
Lay of Leithian (Full Version, 6 Hours Long)
I Haven't Seen Home in 7000 Years (I Could Return Any Moment But I Love Middle Earth Too)
I Would Like to Return Home But It Would Hurt My Pride
Hey We Are All Getting Along For Once (Where Was This Attitude When We Needed It?)
Lord Elrond's Daughter Looks Like Luthien
A Elbereth Gilthoniel
A Elbereth Gilthoniel (version #127)
A Elbereth Gilthoniel Only It's In Quenya Because I'm Feeling Nostalgic
Old Song About The Sons Of Fëanor Being Cool Because I Got Drunk But You Know I Don't Actually Think This Anymore
Lord Elrond's Sons' Latest Exploits
It's Nice and Warm and The Fire Is Brightly Burning
Song Contest!
Tra-La-Lally
Tra-La-Lally But It's About Current Events
That Star Is Actually Lord Elrond's Dad
Mirkwood Edition:
Noldor Are Weird (There Aren't Many Left Though)
Dwarves Are Weird And Possibly Evil
My Family Got Killed Over Shiny Rocks and I Still Hold a Grudge
Men Are Actually Pretty Fine
Have A Good Time in Laketown
We Like Middle-Earth and We Will Never Leave
I May Have To Leave One Day Because I'm Tired™ And This Is Sad
Look At This Very Special Tree
We Hate Spiders
Do You Want To Walk in the Forest with Me? (I Love You)
Our King Is Not King Thingol But We Love Him Anyway
Lay Of Leithian Because Why Not
A Elbereth Gilthoniel (Because We Also Love The Stars)
Dunedain of Arnor Edition:
My Love Got Killed A-rangering
Our Wise and Immortal Collective Great-Uncle Is Amazing
Our Brave Rangers' Latest Exploits
Our Wise and Immortal Collective Great-Uncle's Sons' Latest Exploits
We Know The Old Tales Quite Well And Are Proud of This
Beren and Luthien (Campfire Version)
Being a Ranger Is a Though and Thankless Job But We Will Do It All The Same
Bilbo Baggins Made This Up And It's An Earworm So Now Our Leader Is Singing It All The Time
That Time They Kicked Me Out From Bree Without Good Reason
My Love I Know the Life Of a Ranger Is Hard But Will You Marry Me
Hobbits Are Quite Funny Actually
Non-Mordor-aligned peoples of Harad edition:
(*bear in mind that the term "Harad" covers a ridiculous area and even sticking to the people who are not fighting for Sauron of their own will, it's still like 10 different cultures)
The Desert Is Wide And Majestic And We Are Her Children (She Can Be Cruel Too But That's a Fact of Life)
Nothing Quite Compares to a Campfire Under Starry Desert Skies
I Met a Pretty Girl in the Last Oasis (One Day I Will Return And Ask For Her Hand)
The Sea Is Wide And Majestic And We Are Her Children
Oh No, It's The Corsairs Again
First Númenor, Then Gondor, Now Sauron, Couldn't We Be Left Alone for Once? (Elegiac Tone)
We Are Partisans Who Fight Sauron in Secret
My Love Got Killed Fighting Sauron's Lackeys
My Love Got Forcibly Conscripted and Killed in Sauron's Army
One Elephant Was Tightrope Walking, Two Elephants Were Tightrope Walking... (Are You Tired Yet?) Ten Elephants and the Tightrope Snapped
We Also Know the Singer By The Sea (Here's An Elaborate Backstory Made To Fit Our Local Legends)
Epic Tale Featuring a Hero and a Wizard in Blue
There Once Was a Girl Who Persuaded Death to Return Her Lover to Her (We Have No Idea This Is Based On a True Story)
Legends Travel Far Though Details Change: Or How Sauron Once Tried to Take the Evening Star from the Sky to Put It in His Crown But It Burned His Fingers (And Thus Evil Will Perish)
The (Tarnished) Silmarillion
Full-leather fine binding of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Silmarillion. The Two Trees are surface-gilt on the cover in metals that will tarnish, so over time the book will literally reenact their destruction. However the one fruit and flower that became the sun and moon are surface-gilt in gold and palladium, and will stay bright.
The edge decoration, sprinkled gilt and palladium over gouache, depicts the fate of the silmarils: “one in the airs of heaven, and one in the fires of the heart of the world, and one in the deep waters.”
The titling is done in palladium with finishing tools that I made myself, because I couldn’t pass up the chance to use Feanorean letters to title the book where Feanor is one of the central characters.
(longer post about the binding here, written when I originally bound it)

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So did Tolkien ever invent a Hobbit language? Seems like a glaring omission if he didn't, considering how important language was to his worldbuilding (it was practically the entire impetus for having a world to begin with) and how essential Hobbits are to the narrative of the story.
Hobbits all speak Westron, or the "common tongue," in the era the story is placed in, but they do have their old ancestral languages that have fallen out of use! There are a handful of words from these languages present in the book, such as mathom, which are for the most part offered no translation. One word that IS translated but often overlooked is orc, which is actually just the hobbitish word for goblin. Most hobbits don't know much if anything about these languages beyond a few words, but there are a handful of scholars who study them. Merry became one of these after the end of the story.
As hobbits migrated to the Shire from the Gladden fields along the Anduin far to the north, their language shares a common ancestor with the Rohirric language (since the Rohirrim also migrated from there, albeit much more recently), and similarities between them can still be found. Unfortunately Tolkien didn't delve into this as much as you'd think he would and Rohirric is by far the more developed of the two languages, but we can infer from this that Tolkien meant it to be similar to Old English in many ways.
I was very nervous(sitting at a work meeting) and I had to doodle comfortable things, to keep myself together. So I made a sketch for this one. Tom and Goldberry, my favorite couple...in the end they are maybe too sweet, I am almost ashamed to post it here x_x