back on tumblr ig

you guys do realise walking doesn't actually move you anywhere right? it just destroys you entirely and places a perfect copy of you right in front of where you were standing

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

my mom once told me i was a ski jumper in a past life because she dreamed about a ski jumper dying in a terrible accident when she was pregnant with me, and said it was definitely true cause the ski jumper in her dream was also blonde. i never had the heart to tell her this is absolutely not something catholics can believe.

Sorry, Millennials, but recent paleontologist findings and hyolaryngeal apparatus reconstructions no longer support the hypothesis that "rawr" means "I love you" in dinosaur.

today’s date is the 3rd? what’s next, the 4th? the 5th? the minor fall, the major lift? 

I find it very offensive that the more unwell you are, the more things you have to do to maintain your health. Things like following special diets, going to medical appointments, making big and important decisions about what treatments to use. At the same time, the more unwell you are the less energy you have to do all of these extra things. It seems grossly unfair.

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

The Other is actually so silly for thinking that he (a 50ish year old psychiatrist) could take Piranesi (a 30ish year old man whose hobbies include walking dozens of miles and climbing wet marble) in hand-to-hand combat.

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

christian pitcher throws a christian baby

creates a porn sideblog and you look in there and its just pictures of fucked up stairs leading nowhere

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.